I've had headaches since I was a kid. As I've gotten older, they have gotten worse. I have three types of headaches: 1) Sinus Headache 2) TMJ Headache 3) Migraine
1) I have terrible sinuses. Without my daily Allegra and Flonase, I would be a sneezy, itchy, runny-nosed, hive-covered mess. I'm allergic to just about everything, it seems. I'm allergic to pet dander, pollen, grass, dust, and it seems just about everything else. If I forget to take my Allegra, by the end of the day everything itches. I start breaking out in little red hives that itch like you wouldn't believe. I also sneeze, get a runny nose, and my eyes water. If I get around pets that aren't hypoallergenic (like my poodles are), I will have an asthma attack. If I forget to take my Flonase before bed, I can't breathe, so I can't sleep. Allergies suck. Some days I just get a lot of pressure in my sinuses. It feels like my head is being squeezed in a vice. Those days really suck.
2) I have Temporomandibular Joint Disorder (also referred to as TMJ or TMD). It is a real nuisance. My jaws pop really loudly if I try to open my mouth too wide. My jaw also gets out of alignment and I have to pop it back into place. Sometimes this can be really painful. The most annoying side effect of my TMJ is that I get headaches. My neck gets really tight and then the headache begins. It begins at the base of my skull and works its way up. It's awful. I first noticed my jaw popping when I was 18. It used to be just one of my mandible joints. When I was 25, I spoke to my dentist about it and he recommended that I have my wisdom teeth removed. He said it might help with the jaw popping and the headaches. So, $1000 co-pay and an oral surgery later and I still have TMJ. I went back to my dentist and he recommended a dental appliance to wear when I sleep. He said it would help with my headaches. So, $750 co-pay later and a piece of plastic in my mouth and I still had TMJ. The dental appliance did help with the headaches. However, it made my other mandible joint start popping and it made my teeth brittle. I started developing little chips in a couple of my teeth. I stopped wearing the dental appliance. Next I went to a doctor that specializes in TMJ. He sent me to a physical therapist that showed me some exercises to do to relax the tension in my jaw. The exercises help when my jaw gets out of alignment and they help a little bit with the headaches. However, I was still getting headaches very frequently. I started going to a chiropractor because one of my friends said it helped her TMJ headaches. This has been the best solution for me. If I go for an adjustment once a week, I don't get as many TMJ headaches.
3) I don't get migraines very often, but when I do, it's absolutely miserable. Sometimes, my migraine comes from a sinus headache gone awry. Sometimes, I get a migraine because I have both a TMJ headache and a sinus headache simultaneously. On the days that I get a migraine, the only thing that helps is Excedrin and a bed in a cool, dark room.
I have had a headache for the last three days. I've been pretty miserable. It's Spring, so I have a little sinus pressure, but it isn't too bad. Mostly, my headaches have been caused by my TMJ. Last night it was bordering on a migraine headache. I went to bed early. I've not been to the chiropractor in about two weeks and I'm paying for it. It just seems like there has been too much going on and I haven't had the time to go. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to make time. I don't think I can handle these headaches much longer.
My headaches could also be caused by my PCOS. There has been no real research connecting PCOS and headaches and/or migraines. However, if you are part of any PCOS Support Group, many of the women complain of headaches and/or migraines. I've had headaches since puberty, so it makes sense to me. Puberty is when many of my PCOS symptoms began appearing (weight gain, acne, irregular periods, etc.).
I hope some day they find a cure for PCOS. It affects so many areas of our health. Until a cure is found, I will just take it day by day. I'm thankful to be alive and I'm thankful for all of the blessings in my life. I will just work through the irregular periods, acne, hair loss, hirsuitism, weight gain, Type II Diabetes, hypothyroidism, high triglycerides, infertility, anxiety, insulin resistance, skin tags, ovarian pain, and headaches. (These are just my symptoms from PCOS. There are several others that many women experience. It affects each woman differently and varies in severity.) Some days are worse than others, but I woke up this morning, I have a wonderful husband and three beautiful children. I have a roof over my head, food in my kitchen, and a bed to sleep in. I'm blessed in many ways despite the obstacles my body presents.
PCOS Awareness
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Monday, April 20, 2015
My Other Best Friend Is An Air Conditioner
I have two best friends. My human best friend, Angie, has been my best friend since we were 12-years old. We have been through thick and thin together (both literally and figuratively). I consider her to be my sister and I would be lost without her.
However, I have another best friend that I don't talk about much, but I would be lost without it. My air conditioner.
I've always been a hot-natured person. Until I was in seventh grade, my parents were always renters. We lived in various apartments and rental homes. The one thing most of them had in common; no central air. There was usually a window-unit air conditioner in the living room and sometimes my parents would have one in their bedroom. There was never a window-unit a/c in our bedroom (my sister and I always shared a bedroom). In an attempt to keep our bedroom cool, my parents would put a box fan in the hallway pulling air from the living room and blowing towards our bedroom. For the most part, it was useless. I can remember being as young as seven or eight and choosing to sleep on an uncomfortable couch or a hard floor in the living room instead of my hot bedroom.
When I was in seventh grade, my parents purchased their house. They didn't need all of the money they saved for the down payment, so they used some of the remaining money to purchase central air for our new home. It was one of the happiest days of our lives. I also got a ceiling fan in my bedroom, so I was exceptionally happy.
From that point forward, I grew up in a very cool home (sometimes it was even downright cold). My Dad has always had sinus issues, and as a result, he kept it pretty cool in our house at night.
When I was 22, I moved to Arizona. When I moved in with my fiancée, I realized pretty quickly that he was a warm-natured person. Having grown up in Arizona, he was used to the heat. He kept his thermostat set at about 78 degrees. In Kentucky, I was used to about 70 degrees. I was melting in my new apartment.
I absolutely loathe being hot. Once I get hot, I get angry. And I cannot sleep at all if I am hot. I've always been that way. That is why I spent most of my childhood sleeping on the couch where the a/c unit was.
Cameron (my husband) and I had a constant battle with the thermostat. I would turn it down, and he would turn it up. We finally had a conversation about the thermostat. I made a compromise with him. I told him he could have as many blankets as he wanted as long as I got to control the thermostat. He was pretty agreeable to that once he discovered how cranky I got when I was hot.
Since I have children in my home now, I keep it at a steady 73 degrees, both day and night. For the most part, we are all pretty comfortable.
My bedroom has an addition on it. It is much larger than it was when the house was originally built. My home has a brick façade. However, the addition is not brick, it is vinyl siding. As a result of the vinyl siding and poor insulation, my bedroom is approximately 10 degrees warmer/colder than the rest of the house depending upon the season. Before we fostered/adopted the kids, I would crank the central air down pretty low at night. Once we had kids in the house, I didn't want to freeze them to death, so I added a window-unit a/c to our bedroom. My bedroom is usually about 65 degrees (or cooler) at night.
In the last year or so I've started having hot flashes. I could be pre-menopausal or it could be a result of the PCOS. I'm not sure which. All I know is it SUCKS. I'll just be sitting there and the next thing you know I'm drenched in sweat. My husband isn't a big fan of the hot flashes either because he ends up freezing to death while I'm trying to cool myself off.
When I used to work, all of the people I worked with were always freezing. As a result, I was always burning up. I brought in a little fan to blow towards me so I had at least a little relief from the heat. At one point I had my own office. My office was next to the reception area, which had very large windows with no shades or drapes. The heat would really build-up in the afternoon in that reception area. As a result, my office would also get really warm. There were times that my office was over 85 degrees. We kept telling the building management that there was a problem with the air conditioner in our offices. They kept telling us it was fine. Oddly enough, my former company downsized in 2009 and moved downstairs to a smaller office area. The building management company moved into our former offices upstairs. Within one week of moving in, they had the A/C repairman out to fix the air conditioner. It just goes to show how crappy most building-management companies are. Anything to save a buck.
I get so frustrated when I'm hot. I won't even go outside when it gets really hot in the summer. It's really humid in Kentucky during the summer. Unless I'm going swimming, I don't want any part of the heat. Most evenings, my husband is sitting under a blanket because I have the ceiling fan on high. Most of the winter, I don't even wear a jacket. I'm not kidding when I say I'm hot natured.
I often wonder if being hot all of the time is part of having PCOS. If it is, it's just another annoying symptom.
I hate being hot.
However, I have another best friend that I don't talk about much, but I would be lost without it. My air conditioner.
I've always been a hot-natured person. Until I was in seventh grade, my parents were always renters. We lived in various apartments and rental homes. The one thing most of them had in common; no central air. There was usually a window-unit air conditioner in the living room and sometimes my parents would have one in their bedroom. There was never a window-unit a/c in our bedroom (my sister and I always shared a bedroom). In an attempt to keep our bedroom cool, my parents would put a box fan in the hallway pulling air from the living room and blowing towards our bedroom. For the most part, it was useless. I can remember being as young as seven or eight and choosing to sleep on an uncomfortable couch or a hard floor in the living room instead of my hot bedroom.
When I was in seventh grade, my parents purchased their house. They didn't need all of the money they saved for the down payment, so they used some of the remaining money to purchase central air for our new home. It was one of the happiest days of our lives. I also got a ceiling fan in my bedroom, so I was exceptionally happy.
From that point forward, I grew up in a very cool home (sometimes it was even downright cold). My Dad has always had sinus issues, and as a result, he kept it pretty cool in our house at night.
When I was 22, I moved to Arizona. When I moved in with my fiancée, I realized pretty quickly that he was a warm-natured person. Having grown up in Arizona, he was used to the heat. He kept his thermostat set at about 78 degrees. In Kentucky, I was used to about 70 degrees. I was melting in my new apartment.
I absolutely loathe being hot. Once I get hot, I get angry. And I cannot sleep at all if I am hot. I've always been that way. That is why I spent most of my childhood sleeping on the couch where the a/c unit was.
Cameron (my husband) and I had a constant battle with the thermostat. I would turn it down, and he would turn it up. We finally had a conversation about the thermostat. I made a compromise with him. I told him he could have as many blankets as he wanted as long as I got to control the thermostat. He was pretty agreeable to that once he discovered how cranky I got when I was hot.
Since I have children in my home now, I keep it at a steady 73 degrees, both day and night. For the most part, we are all pretty comfortable.
My bedroom has an addition on it. It is much larger than it was when the house was originally built. My home has a brick façade. However, the addition is not brick, it is vinyl siding. As a result of the vinyl siding and poor insulation, my bedroom is approximately 10 degrees warmer/colder than the rest of the house depending upon the season. Before we fostered/adopted the kids, I would crank the central air down pretty low at night. Once we had kids in the house, I didn't want to freeze them to death, so I added a window-unit a/c to our bedroom. My bedroom is usually about 65 degrees (or cooler) at night.
In the last year or so I've started having hot flashes. I could be pre-menopausal or it could be a result of the PCOS. I'm not sure which. All I know is it SUCKS. I'll just be sitting there and the next thing you know I'm drenched in sweat. My husband isn't a big fan of the hot flashes either because he ends up freezing to death while I'm trying to cool myself off.
When I used to work, all of the people I worked with were always freezing. As a result, I was always burning up. I brought in a little fan to blow towards me so I had at least a little relief from the heat. At one point I had my own office. My office was next to the reception area, which had very large windows with no shades or drapes. The heat would really build-up in the afternoon in that reception area. As a result, my office would also get really warm. There were times that my office was over 85 degrees. We kept telling the building management that there was a problem with the air conditioner in our offices. They kept telling us it was fine. Oddly enough, my former company downsized in 2009 and moved downstairs to a smaller office area. The building management company moved into our former offices upstairs. Within one week of moving in, they had the A/C repairman out to fix the air conditioner. It just goes to show how crappy most building-management companies are. Anything to save a buck.
I get so frustrated when I'm hot. I won't even go outside when it gets really hot in the summer. It's really humid in Kentucky during the summer. Unless I'm going swimming, I don't want any part of the heat. Most evenings, my husband is sitting under a blanket because I have the ceiling fan on high. Most of the winter, I don't even wear a jacket. I'm not kidding when I say I'm hot natured.
I often wonder if being hot all of the time is part of having PCOS. If it is, it's just another annoying symptom.
I hate being hot.
Friday, April 10, 2015
Some People Just Don't Get It
My best friend and I took our kids to the zoo. Her daughters are 8 and 5. My children are 5, 4, and 3. Both of us have children with Special Needs. Her eldest daughter has Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Anxiety, and some other issues that have yet to be diagnosed. My eldest son has ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, Impulse Control Disorder, and Anxiety. Both of our kids are perfectly normal looking children. Although they look normal, they do not behave like normal children.
We had just arrived at the zoo and the children were really excited. They would rush from one animal exhibit to the next. I kept reminding them to use their manners, say excuse me, wait their turn, etc. The same thing all normal parents do.
We were in the Herpaquarium (snakes, tortoises, etc.) at The Louisville Zoo. They were so excited that they would just hop from aquarium to aquarium to see what exciting animal was next. Despite my constant reminders to use their manners, they were overly excited and would occasionally step in front of someone. There was a lady who took offense to my overly-excited toddlers. In a very sarcastic tone, she said to my children, "Excuse me! My son was here first. Step aside and wait your turn!"
My Mommy instincts kicked in, and I said to her, "They are just kids. They are excited."
She turned to me and said, "Well, my son is 7 and he knows to wait in line and say excuse me. Just because they are toddlers doesn't mean they can't learn manners."
I said, "Well, my children are just toddlers and they are excited to be at the zoo. I've told them to use their manners, but in the excitement of the moment they forget."
She said, "Well, MY son didn't behave like that when he was a toddler."
I said, "Well, does your son have ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and Impulse Control Disorder?"
Her excellent response was, "That's just an excuse."
I replied, "It absolutely is not just an excuse. It's a reality." Then I left before I really lost my cool. I'm not a violent person, but I really wanted to smack that lady.
Let me explain something to everyone reading my Blog. ADHD, SPD, and ICD are not just excuses for misbehavior. I've worked with Special Needs children before and in most cases it may be obvious that the child has Special Needs because they may have visible disabilities. When you have a child with emotional disorders, it's not always obvious.
My son looks like a normal child, but he isn't. When he is an environment where he becomes over-stimulated or over-excited (like the zoo or a birthday party), it doesn't matter how many times you remind him to use his manners or wait his turn. Most of the time, he isn't going to do it.
I was so infuriated by this woman. Then I realized that she just doesn't get it. Most people don't. Until you have a child with Special Needs, you just don't get it. Most people see a child behaving like my son and think, "He needs a time-out" or "He just needs a spanking." Unfortunately, most punishments don't work for my son. It doesn't matter how many times or how many ways he is punished for bad behavior or rewarded for good behavior, odds are he will be repeating the bad behavior within moments of having just received punishment for it.
So, to the lady at the zoo and everyone else out there who thinks that emotional disorders like ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, Impulse Control Disorder, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Anxiety, and other similar issues are just an excuse for bad behavior, YOU ARE SO WRONG!
If you spent one week with my son, you would understand. It is beyond stressful to have a child with invisible illnesses. I'm not a bad parent. I may not be perfect, but I do my very best. I do teach my children manners. I had worked with Special Needs children at a daycare when I was in college so I thought I was prepared. I was so wrong. My heart goes out to every parent of a Special Needs child. It is the most difficult experience of my life. I love my son very much, but I pray that someday he will be free of these disorders, for his sake, and for mine.
My 3-year old will always say, "Please, Thank You, and Excuse Me." However, in the excitement of the zoo environment, he may jump in front of someone else. He isn't a rude child. He's a toddler.
In the excitement of the zoo environment, my 5-year old may forget to wait his turn or say, "Excuse me." It's not because I haven't taught him manners. It is simply because during those moments of excitement, his brain cannot process the stimuli around him. Many times you can look at him and tell that he is zoned out. His nervous system literally shuts out all of the external inputs around him until they can be processed. If it is noisy, crowded, or just really exciting, he may not even hear me calling his name. In those moments, I have to pull him away from all of the stimuli, kneel down in front of him, and then talk to him.
Before you say that these emotional disorders are "Just an excuse", educate yourself. Until you have a child like this, you have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
Rant over.
We had just arrived at the zoo and the children were really excited. They would rush from one animal exhibit to the next. I kept reminding them to use their manners, say excuse me, wait their turn, etc. The same thing all normal parents do.
We were in the Herpaquarium (snakes, tortoises, etc.) at The Louisville Zoo. They were so excited that they would just hop from aquarium to aquarium to see what exciting animal was next. Despite my constant reminders to use their manners, they were overly excited and would occasionally step in front of someone. There was a lady who took offense to my overly-excited toddlers. In a very sarcastic tone, she said to my children, "Excuse me! My son was here first. Step aside and wait your turn!"
My Mommy instincts kicked in, and I said to her, "They are just kids. They are excited."
She turned to me and said, "Well, my son is 7 and he knows to wait in line and say excuse me. Just because they are toddlers doesn't mean they can't learn manners."
I said, "Well, my children are just toddlers and they are excited to be at the zoo. I've told them to use their manners, but in the excitement of the moment they forget."
She said, "Well, MY son didn't behave like that when he was a toddler."
I said, "Well, does your son have ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and Impulse Control Disorder?"
Her excellent response was, "That's just an excuse."
I replied, "It absolutely is not just an excuse. It's a reality." Then I left before I really lost my cool. I'm not a violent person, but I really wanted to smack that lady.
Let me explain something to everyone reading my Blog. ADHD, SPD, and ICD are not just excuses for misbehavior. I've worked with Special Needs children before and in most cases it may be obvious that the child has Special Needs because they may have visible disabilities. When you have a child with emotional disorders, it's not always obvious.
My son looks like a normal child, but he isn't. When he is an environment where he becomes over-stimulated or over-excited (like the zoo or a birthday party), it doesn't matter how many times you remind him to use his manners or wait his turn. Most of the time, he isn't going to do it.
I was so infuriated by this woman. Then I realized that she just doesn't get it. Most people don't. Until you have a child with Special Needs, you just don't get it. Most people see a child behaving like my son and think, "He needs a time-out" or "He just needs a spanking." Unfortunately, most punishments don't work for my son. It doesn't matter how many times or how many ways he is punished for bad behavior or rewarded for good behavior, odds are he will be repeating the bad behavior within moments of having just received punishment for it.
So, to the lady at the zoo and everyone else out there who thinks that emotional disorders like ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, Impulse Control Disorder, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Anxiety, and other similar issues are just an excuse for bad behavior, YOU ARE SO WRONG!
If you spent one week with my son, you would understand. It is beyond stressful to have a child with invisible illnesses. I'm not a bad parent. I may not be perfect, but I do my very best. I do teach my children manners. I had worked with Special Needs children at a daycare when I was in college so I thought I was prepared. I was so wrong. My heart goes out to every parent of a Special Needs child. It is the most difficult experience of my life. I love my son very much, but I pray that someday he will be free of these disorders, for his sake, and for mine.
My 3-year old will always say, "Please, Thank You, and Excuse Me." However, in the excitement of the zoo environment, he may jump in front of someone else. He isn't a rude child. He's a toddler.
In the excitement of the zoo environment, my 5-year old may forget to wait his turn or say, "Excuse me." It's not because I haven't taught him manners. It is simply because during those moments of excitement, his brain cannot process the stimuli around him. Many times you can look at him and tell that he is zoned out. His nervous system literally shuts out all of the external inputs around him until they can be processed. If it is noisy, crowded, or just really exciting, he may not even hear me calling his name. In those moments, I have to pull him away from all of the stimuli, kneel down in front of him, and then talk to him.
Before you say that these emotional disorders are "Just an excuse", educate yourself. Until you have a child like this, you have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
Rant over.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Mommy Is Perfect, Right?
I can remember way back when I was a teenager thinking about what kind of mom I wanted to be when I had kids. I was going to be patient, kind, caring, a real Suzie-Homemaker. I had visions of becoming June Cleaver. Then I adopted some children and reality set in.
The truth is there is no such thing as a perfect mother. Television shows in the 1950s and 1960s showed you these perfect families with almost perfect children, although sometimes a bit mischievous which only made them more adorable, and perfect marriages. What they didn't show was Mommy sneaking into another room to have a treat she didn't want to share with the kids. What they didn't show was Mommy answering the question, "Why" for the millionth time. What they didn't show was Mommy locking herself in the bathroom to have a cry break. What they didn't show you was Mommy sitting on the potty while little hands slide under the door with children yelling, "Mommy, what are you doing?" as though the answer isn't obvious. What they didn't show was Mommy repeating the same phrases over, and over, and over every day:
"Get dressed."
"Hurry up!"
"Pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper."
"Clean your room."
"Stop!"
"No!"
"Don't do that!"
"You're making a mess!"
"Eat your dinner and stop playing with your food."
The list goes on and on.
The most important thing they didn't show in those television shows was Mommy finally losing her temper and yelling at her kids.
I thought I knew everything about being a Mommy. I thought I could handle any situation that came at me with the patience and virtue of June Cleaver.
I was so wrong.
I try so hard to be a good mother. I try to be patient, loving, caring, kind, generous, and all of those things I dreamed when I was a teenager thinking about my future as a mother. I can remember thinking that my Mom, although she had her good qualities, was doing a lot of things wrong. I can remember the biggest promise I made to myself when I became a mother was if my child asked me, "Why?" that I would NEVER say, "Because I told you so!" I would get so frustrated and angry when my Mother would say that to me. Why couldn't she just give me a reason? Was it so hard to explain why I couldn't do something? It seemed simple to me.
Now that I'm a parent I realize the reasons why she sometimes said, "Because I said so!" The reasons are many. Sometimes it's because the explanation is long and complicated and saying, "Because I said so" saves time. Sometimes it's because the explanation is only going to require another follow-up "Why" from my child. Sometimes it's because you are so frustrated that it is the only response you can think of at the moment.
Every morning I play this "game" with my son, Brennan. Brennan is 5-years old. He has ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and Impulse Control Disorder. I don't consider it a game, but before Brennan has had his ADHD medication, everything is a game to him. He is so unable to focus on anything so everything becomes play time. Here is how the game begins:
It's morning on a weekday sometime between 7 and 8 am. Brennan wakes up. He starts talking and/or playing in his bed all the while getting louder and louder in attempts to wake up his sister, Summer (4). I have video monitors in the children's rooms. I'm a very light sleeper and I immediately hear Brennan starting up his morning routine. I speak over the monitor to him, "Brennan, please be quiet and lay still. Your sister is sleeping. When the lights are off, that means it is quiet time." Maybe he will stop for a minute or two or maybe he will completely ignore me.
Again, I say, "Brennan, lay still and be quiet. What is the rule when the lights are off?"
Brennan replies, "Lay still and be quiet."
I respond, "Then please follow the rule."
This will continue with many more reminders for Brennan to be quiet until it is time for he and his sister to get up and get ready for school. Then we begin a new game.
"Brennan, take off your pajamas and put on your school clothes." He is usually too busy playing with and aggravating his sister to comply with my orders.
"Brennan, take off your pajamas and put on your school clothes! Mommy is getting angry. What is going to happen if Mommy gets angry?"
Brennan replies, "I lose my TV and tablet time."
I respond, "Well, is that what you want to happen?"
Brennan says, "No."
I reply, "Well, get dressed then." This routine continues until he finally gets dressed and goes to sit in the living room. All told, this routine usually takes 20 to 30 minutes. It's no fun for Mommy and usually results in Brennan losing his TV and tablet time.
Some may ask why I don't give him his ADHD medication as soon as he wakes up? That's a good question with a good answer. If I give him his medication before 9 am, it wears off before the end of the school day and he will end up getting in trouble or even being sent home from school. So, I have to deal with the frustration of dealing with my easily-distracted, overly-hyper son who has no impulse control. This is not a game I enjoy.
Sometimes I lose my temper and I yell at him. Deep down I know that he can't always stop what he is doing. He's only 5 and his reasoning skills aren't the greatest. He understands that he will be punished in some way if he continues his behavior, but punishment doesn't mean anything to him at that time. It's an abstract concept to him until it is actually happening. That moment when you send him to time out or tell him he can't watch his favorite cartoon, that is when it means something. It's too late then. The disobedience has already occurred and the threats of this punishment usually don't deter the behavior.
Of course, on those days when I lose my temper and I yell, I feel awful. I don't want to be that parent. I don't want to yell at my children. However, when you have said the same thing to your child no less than 10 times in the matter of a few moments, you sometimes lose your cool. It's especially difficult for me on those days when my hormones are raging out of control due to my PCOS. It takes every rational thought I have to control my temper on those days. Sometimes I overcome the hormones and keep my cool. Sometimes the hormones win and I yell at my son. I immediately feel awful for doing it and normally I will apologize to him for yelling.
It's especially frustrating when more than one of my children are misbehaving. My youngest son, Jordan, is going through the Terrible Threes. (FYI - The "Terrible Twos" are a myth. It's the Threes you have to watch out for. It's a total nightmare some days. You will hear "Why" repeated after every statement you make. Then they will say things like, "Get off me!", "I don't want to!", "I do it myself!", and of course, their favorite, "No!")
My daughter is going through a phase of lying. It doesn't matter if you assure her she won't get in trouble if she tells the truth, she will still lie. If I ask her four or five times, usually the fourth or fifth time she will finally tell the truth. One day she will figure out that Mommy already knows the truth of what happened and lying only causes her more trouble. I don't think her reasoning skills are up to par for that yet. Brennan, on the other hand, is incapable of lying. If you ask Brennan a question, he will tell you the truth, unless he is going to get in trouble. If he is guilty, he will immediately bow his head and put his fingers in his mouth. I hope he doesn't have any aspirations of being a poker player.
My daughter is also going through a "I'm too busy playing to go to the potty" phase and a "I can't be bothered to take the time to wipe my bottom after pooping" phase.
These are frustrating times in my household.
I wish I could ALWAYS control my temper. I wish I always knew the right thing to say or do, but the truth is being a Mommy is the MOST difficult job I have ever had.
With all of the frustration, there also comes daily hilarity. Kids say and do the funniest things. I've learned to take the good with the bad.
I knew parenting was going to be a difficult job. I just never realized how difficult. I'm responsible for the well-being of three tiny humans. Every day revolves around them right now. I'm trying to teach them manners, responsibility, good hygiene, respect, and morality. It's a tremendous responsibility. I have to make sure they eat healthy meals, exercise, get plenty of rest, do their homework, and clean-up after themselves. I have to make sure they have clean clothes every day. I have to make sure they get their baths, brush their teeth, and comb their hair. I have to keep track of doctor appointments, dentist appointments, physicals, t-ball practice, dance classes, and school functions. There is a lot that goes into being a Mommy.
It may be the most difficult job I've ever had, but it is also the GREATEST BLESSING I have ever received. Even though there are days I fail majorly at my dream of being June Cleaver, my children are told every day that they are loved. If I fail at everything else, my children will always know they are loved.
They are well-loved, well-fed, clean, and healthy children. They may not have everything they want in this world. They may not have June Cleaver as their mom, but they have a Mommy and Daddy that love them to the moon and back.
The truth is there is no such thing as a perfect mother. Television shows in the 1950s and 1960s showed you these perfect families with almost perfect children, although sometimes a bit mischievous which only made them more adorable, and perfect marriages. What they didn't show was Mommy sneaking into another room to have a treat she didn't want to share with the kids. What they didn't show was Mommy answering the question, "Why" for the millionth time. What they didn't show was Mommy locking herself in the bathroom to have a cry break. What they didn't show you was Mommy sitting on the potty while little hands slide under the door with children yelling, "Mommy, what are you doing?" as though the answer isn't obvious. What they didn't show was Mommy repeating the same phrases over, and over, and over every day:
"Get dressed."
"Hurry up!"
"Pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper."
"Clean your room."
"Stop!"
"No!"
"Don't do that!"
"You're making a mess!"
"Eat your dinner and stop playing with your food."
The list goes on and on.
The most important thing they didn't show in those television shows was Mommy finally losing her temper and yelling at her kids.
I thought I knew everything about being a Mommy. I thought I could handle any situation that came at me with the patience and virtue of June Cleaver.
I was so wrong.
I try so hard to be a good mother. I try to be patient, loving, caring, kind, generous, and all of those things I dreamed when I was a teenager thinking about my future as a mother. I can remember thinking that my Mom, although she had her good qualities, was doing a lot of things wrong. I can remember the biggest promise I made to myself when I became a mother was if my child asked me, "Why?" that I would NEVER say, "Because I told you so!" I would get so frustrated and angry when my Mother would say that to me. Why couldn't she just give me a reason? Was it so hard to explain why I couldn't do something? It seemed simple to me.
Now that I'm a parent I realize the reasons why she sometimes said, "Because I said so!" The reasons are many. Sometimes it's because the explanation is long and complicated and saying, "Because I said so" saves time. Sometimes it's because the explanation is only going to require another follow-up "Why" from my child. Sometimes it's because you are so frustrated that it is the only response you can think of at the moment.
Every morning I play this "game" with my son, Brennan. Brennan is 5-years old. He has ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and Impulse Control Disorder. I don't consider it a game, but before Brennan has had his ADHD medication, everything is a game to him. He is so unable to focus on anything so everything becomes play time. Here is how the game begins:
It's morning on a weekday sometime between 7 and 8 am. Brennan wakes up. He starts talking and/or playing in his bed all the while getting louder and louder in attempts to wake up his sister, Summer (4). I have video monitors in the children's rooms. I'm a very light sleeper and I immediately hear Brennan starting up his morning routine. I speak over the monitor to him, "Brennan, please be quiet and lay still. Your sister is sleeping. When the lights are off, that means it is quiet time." Maybe he will stop for a minute or two or maybe he will completely ignore me.
Again, I say, "Brennan, lay still and be quiet. What is the rule when the lights are off?"
Brennan replies, "Lay still and be quiet."
I respond, "Then please follow the rule."
This will continue with many more reminders for Brennan to be quiet until it is time for he and his sister to get up and get ready for school. Then we begin a new game.
"Brennan, take off your pajamas and put on your school clothes." He is usually too busy playing with and aggravating his sister to comply with my orders.
"Brennan, take off your pajamas and put on your school clothes! Mommy is getting angry. What is going to happen if Mommy gets angry?"
Brennan replies, "I lose my TV and tablet time."
I respond, "Well, is that what you want to happen?"
Brennan says, "No."
I reply, "Well, get dressed then." This routine continues until he finally gets dressed and goes to sit in the living room. All told, this routine usually takes 20 to 30 minutes. It's no fun for Mommy and usually results in Brennan losing his TV and tablet time.
Some may ask why I don't give him his ADHD medication as soon as he wakes up? That's a good question with a good answer. If I give him his medication before 9 am, it wears off before the end of the school day and he will end up getting in trouble or even being sent home from school. So, I have to deal with the frustration of dealing with my easily-distracted, overly-hyper son who has no impulse control. This is not a game I enjoy.
Sometimes I lose my temper and I yell at him. Deep down I know that he can't always stop what he is doing. He's only 5 and his reasoning skills aren't the greatest. He understands that he will be punished in some way if he continues his behavior, but punishment doesn't mean anything to him at that time. It's an abstract concept to him until it is actually happening. That moment when you send him to time out or tell him he can't watch his favorite cartoon, that is when it means something. It's too late then. The disobedience has already occurred and the threats of this punishment usually don't deter the behavior.
Of course, on those days when I lose my temper and I yell, I feel awful. I don't want to be that parent. I don't want to yell at my children. However, when you have said the same thing to your child no less than 10 times in the matter of a few moments, you sometimes lose your cool. It's especially difficult for me on those days when my hormones are raging out of control due to my PCOS. It takes every rational thought I have to control my temper on those days. Sometimes I overcome the hormones and keep my cool. Sometimes the hormones win and I yell at my son. I immediately feel awful for doing it and normally I will apologize to him for yelling.
It's especially frustrating when more than one of my children are misbehaving. My youngest son, Jordan, is going through the Terrible Threes. (FYI - The "Terrible Twos" are a myth. It's the Threes you have to watch out for. It's a total nightmare some days. You will hear "Why" repeated after every statement you make. Then they will say things like, "Get off me!", "I don't want to!", "I do it myself!", and of course, their favorite, "No!")
My daughter is going through a phase of lying. It doesn't matter if you assure her she won't get in trouble if she tells the truth, she will still lie. If I ask her four or five times, usually the fourth or fifth time she will finally tell the truth. One day she will figure out that Mommy already knows the truth of what happened and lying only causes her more trouble. I don't think her reasoning skills are up to par for that yet. Brennan, on the other hand, is incapable of lying. If you ask Brennan a question, he will tell you the truth, unless he is going to get in trouble. If he is guilty, he will immediately bow his head and put his fingers in his mouth. I hope he doesn't have any aspirations of being a poker player.
My daughter is also going through a "I'm too busy playing to go to the potty" phase and a "I can't be bothered to take the time to wipe my bottom after pooping" phase.
These are frustrating times in my household.
I wish I could ALWAYS control my temper. I wish I always knew the right thing to say or do, but the truth is being a Mommy is the MOST difficult job I have ever had.
With all of the frustration, there also comes daily hilarity. Kids say and do the funniest things. I've learned to take the good with the bad.
I knew parenting was going to be a difficult job. I just never realized how difficult. I'm responsible for the well-being of three tiny humans. Every day revolves around them right now. I'm trying to teach them manners, responsibility, good hygiene, respect, and morality. It's a tremendous responsibility. I have to make sure they eat healthy meals, exercise, get plenty of rest, do their homework, and clean-up after themselves. I have to make sure they have clean clothes every day. I have to make sure they get their baths, brush their teeth, and comb their hair. I have to keep track of doctor appointments, dentist appointments, physicals, t-ball practice, dance classes, and school functions. There is a lot that goes into being a Mommy.
It may be the most difficult job I've ever had, but it is also the GREATEST BLESSING I have ever received. Even though there are days I fail majorly at my dream of being June Cleaver, my children are told every day that they are loved. If I fail at everything else, my children will always know they are loved.
They are well-loved, well-fed, clean, and healthy children. They may not have everything they want in this world. They may not have June Cleaver as their mom, but they have a Mommy and Daddy that love them to the moon and back.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)