We had to comply with all of the regulations required to be a foster home. They aren't too challenging and they are just designed to keep the children as safe as possible. Basic things like having a carbon monoxide and smoke detector, fire extinguishers, first aid kid, and a lock box for all medications.
Each month we would meet with two social workers. One social worker represents the children and ensures that they are in a safe home. They make sure the children are healthy and get any required medical or psychological treatments they need. The other social worker represents the foster parents. They make sure we get the things we need to help care for the children. We also had to make sure we take the required amount of training every year. Some of it was in the form of seminars and some of it was online courses.
They try to give the biological parents every opportunity to get their children back. This is a scary process for foster parents who want to adopt.
My children were not allowed to have any contact with their biological mother because they were all born with narcotics in their system. She had never made any concerted effort to get off the drugs, so we didn't worry much about her trying to get the children back. The biological father was a different story.
Summer and Brennan had been raised by the biological father. Jordan was raised in foster care until he was 7 months old, at which time he was placed in the biological father's home. When the social worker went back a month later to follow-up on Jordan, they determined none of the children should be with the biological father. That is how they ended up in my care.
The biological father was given weekly, supervised, one-hour visits for about 6 weeks. Then he failed his drug test. The social worker couldn't even track him down to contact him for several months. Then he popped back into the picture. It seems like he was going to try and make and effort again. This was a terrifying time for me. I was already in love with these children. He actually got himself cleaned up enough to get a supervised visit again in 2013. Then he failed his next drug test and the visits were suspended. The state determined that he had been given ample opportunity to get himself cleaned up and take the required classes and he had failed to do so. We were required to attend what they call a "Facilitated Staffing" meeting. We meet with representatives from the state, our social worker, the children's social worker, the biological parent(s), and their representative. That is when the state makes the determination to try to continue reunification or to move forward with Terminating Parental Rights.
It's such an awkward experience. You are sitting at a table with the biological father of your children all the while knowing you will do everything in your power to make sure they are never reunited with him. During this meeting, he stated that his sister would now be willing to take the children.
Before the children were placed in foster care, they had contacted the children's immediate family members to see if any of them would be willing to care for the children. No one stepped up at that time. I was terrified that after having the children in my home for almost a year, the aunt would now get them back.
The children's social worker reassured me after the meeting that it was very unlikely to happen. The state tries to prevent the children from being bounced from home to home. They had been in our home for approximately a year at that time and they were thriving. It would be to their detriment to move them.
Still, I worried and prayed. The aunt filed a petition to get the children back. Fortunately, the Judge didn't think it would benefit the children and her request was denied.
It took about 6 months to get the TPR hearing scheduled. It was a nerve-racking time. The day of the hearing I was nervous and excited. If the biological parents rights were terminated, we could start the adoption process. My husband and I didn't get to see the entire hearing. I was called as a witness to talk about the children's physical and mental conditions when they came to my home and to talk about their progress. The biological mother decided to sign away her parental rights. She knew she wasn't capable of caring for the children. The biological father was a different story. He wanted to proceed with the hearing. I had hoped he would decided to sign away his rights, but that didn't happen.
It took almost 2 months before we learned the Judge's decision. Finally, in February 2014, we received word that the biological father's rights had been terminated. We breathed a sigh of relief. We were heading down the homestretch. The children were now assigned an Adoption social worker instead of a Foster Care social worker. The adoption worker had to do a complete write-up on the history of each child and discuss our suitability for adoption. Some workers can do this very quickly. Unfortunately, we got a worker that was notoriously slow at getting this step completed. I spoke to our social worker and she knew of adoption workers that could get the write-up completed in a couple of weeks and get the adoption hearing scheduled within a month. When I told her the name of our worker, she said that probably wouldn't happen for us. She was right.
We were assigned the adoption worker in February. The adoption hearing wasn't scheduled until July.
July 24, 2014
The most important day of my life. The day of the adoption hearing I was nervous and excited. I could invite friends and family to attend. My parents, my sister, and my best friend attending the hearing with us. The judge asked a few basic questions about our desire to adopt the children and what we wanted their names to be. We kept the children's first names the same, but changed their middle and last names. When the judge declared that we were now the parents of Brennan, Summer, and Jordan, I burst into tears.
Almost 2 years of stress, worry, social workers, training, meetings, court hearings, it was over. All of it was over. They were MY CHILDREN. Nothing could change that now.
Sometimes it still seems surreal to me. My husband and I began the journey to parenthood in 2000. After trying to have our own child for 9 long years, we decide to look into adoption. The children came into our home on August 30, 2012 and they were adopted into our family on July 24, 2014. I love writing my children's name and they have my last name. I love being able to say, "my son" or my daughter" and know I don't have to preface it with "foster." Some days I am still in awe when my children call me "mommy" and I know it's true, and it's forever.
We had treated the children as though they were ours from the first day they entered our home. They called us "Mommy" and "Daddy." My family and friends accepted them as family immediately. It was such a blessing to have so much support during this process.
Throughout this process, I think God was teaching me patience. I've always been a very impatient person, especially when it comes to something exciting or important that I'm waiting on.
I know that not every Foster Care story has a happy ending. I know that this process is long and difficult. But in the end, it was worth it to me. There are thousands of children in Foster Care right now, many of whom are waiting for a home.
If you struggle with infertility, please consider adoption. I know we all dream about being pregnant and giving birth to our own, biological children. However, I speak from experience, when I tell you that in the end, it will not matter. My children may not share my DNA, but they own my heart.
Judge Barry, Cameron, Brennan, Summer, Me, Jordan
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