The children had never been in daycare before, so all of us were sick during the first 6 months of daycare. They caught every virus that came around the bend. Then they brought it home to us. Multiple stomach viruses, the flu, various colds, even one case of pink eye. At one point Jordan had a terrible cough that we just couldn't get rid of. He had to have breathing treatments multiple times a day for about a week. After having multiple colds and the flu, I ended up with pneumonia and spent 3 days in the hospital. My poor hubby was left to care for all 3 kids on his own. He also had to have my 16.5-year old poodle, Peppy, euthanized while I was in the hospital. It was a heartbreaking experience for both of us. I'll dedicate a whole blog post to Peppy on another occasion.
Eventually, the kids settled into a routine. We had (and still have) a lot of difficulties with Brennan. He is now 5-years old. He has severe ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), and Impulse Control Disorder (ICD). Every day is a challenge with Brennan. Some days are easier than others, but still challenging nonetheless. Brennan is a really sweet, loving child. He likes to gives hugs. He likes to laugh and play. He wants to please you, but sometimes he just can't control his behavior. It's frustrating for all of us as a family.
Brennan couldn't talk when we got him. He was about a month away from his 3rd birthday. I took him to a psychologist and we got him a speech therapist. We did flashcards every night. I made him attempt to say things before he could have it. The psychologist and speech therapist recommended that we get Brennan into pre-school. They could really help him catch up. He was very developmentally delayed due to the neglect he suffered at the hands of his biological father.
Getting Brennan signed up for school became a challenge in itself. In order to get him registered for Headstart, he had to have a physical, a hearing test, a dental exam, and a vision test. Brennan was talking a little better, but he still wasn't good at answering questions. He could say basic sentences, but his little sister could out talk him on any day. He did fine during his dental exam. We took him to his pediatricians office to do the physical, hearing, and vision tests. He wouldn't talk at all on the vision test. He was supposed to point to pictures for the hearing test and he wouldn't do that either. We took him to a local vision doctor and he wouldn't answer questions there either. We had to get him an appointment with a vision specialist. We also had to get him an appointment with a hearing specialist for children.
After Brennan saw the vision specialist, it was determined he had no problems with his vision.
Brennan was constantly sick. He constantly had a runny and/or stuffy nose. When we took him to the hearing specialist, he had so much fluid behind his eardrums that he couldn't hear well. They recommended we take him to an ENT doctor. The ENT doctor recommended he have his adenoids removed and tubes in his ears. We scheduled that surgery, which was successful.
He went back to the hearing specialist and they said his hearing was greatly improved and he had no hearing difficulties. I could tell the difference immediately following the surgery. Every little sound, Brennan would say, "What's that sound?"
All of these specialists and the surgery took months to complete. We started the process a month after he was in our home. It was almost a full year before we got all of the requirements for registration completed. We signed him up for Headstart in August 2013. At that time, they did not have any openings available for him.
In January 2014, I got a letter saying there was a spot for him at a nearby elementary school. He was really excited to start school. He still wasn't fully potty trained. He would go to the potty most of the time, but sometimes he wouldn't. He would decide that using the potty was too much of an inconvenience to his play time.
When Brennan started going to school, the full extent of his ADHD, SPD, and ICD was fully realized. Getting him to sit still long enough just to write his name was an impossibility. Getting him to comply with basic routines was an impossibility. He would also become very defiant with the teachers. At times, he would become so disruptive that I would have to go and get him from school.
Brennan was still seeing a therapist and I would tell her about the issues we were having at school. She was a nice person, but it was like she wasn't hearing me when I was telling her that I thought Brennan had ADHD. She seemed to focus mainly on his SPD. She would tell me why he did some of the things he did, but she didn't really give me any helpful suggestions on how to correct some of these behaviors. I was getting very frustrated. The teachers in Brennan's class were doing everything they could do to try and help us form strategies to help Brennan. However, Brennan's class had 2 autistic children in it. When you added Brennan to the mix, the two teachers and the classroom assistant had too many special needs children to deal with.
I went to Brennan's pediatrician to have him evaluated for ADHD. He met with a psychologist there for a few sessions for the evaluation. Even though they determined he had ADHD, they still would not give him medication.
This child literally cannot sit still or pay attention without medication. I didn't want him medicated just so he would be compliant, I wanted him to be able to do his school work. In Headstart, they don't spent huge amounts of time sitting still. They will do a lesson, then the children get to go play for a while, then they will do another, very interactive lesson, and then go play for a while. Brennan couldn't pay attention long enough to do any of the lessons.
After having many conversations with his teachers, they recommended a psychiatrist that had helped with one of the other children in his class. I made an appointment with the psychiatrist. After observing him and listening to me talk about the difficulties we were having with him at school and at home, she agreed that Brennan definitely needed medication. Although he was only 4, she was a bit confounded as to why the pediatrician wouldn't put him on any medication. She showed me in a book that Adderall is recommended for children as young as 3.
After a few days of his medications, I could see a huge difference. So could his teachers.
Brennan is very intelligent and learns quickly when he is able to pay attention. He is especially good at science and math. He enjoys learning and asks lots of questions. However, he still has a lot of issues. Because of his ICD, he does things without thinking about them. He does pretty well at school, but he still has problems sitting still on the bus. He will be riding the special needs bus beginning this week. He will have to wear a harness and be strapped in to ensure his safety on the bus. The mornings and the evenings are the most difficult times for Brennan.
Brennan requires many verbal and visual queues to stay on task. I'll have to say no fewer than ten times every morning, "Brennan, put your clothes on." It's enough to drive a person crazy. Around 5:30 pm is when his ADHD medication seems to wear off. The children eat dinner at 6 pm and before we have dinner, they are required to put all of their toys away. This is when we begin the "Brennan, put your toys away." game. It's no fun for Mommy, let me tell you. He will start picking up toys, then he will start playing with the toys and forget what he is supposed to be doing.
Brennan gets easily over-stimulated if there is a lot of activity going on around him. Once he is wound up, it is really difficult to get him back down.
Brennan also has a tendency to destroy things. Before we got the children, we had painted the bedroom a nice, happy, yellow color. Near Brennan's bed, he peeled all of the paint off the walls. He was constantly ripping holes in the knees of his pajamas and pants. He also pulls strings out of his socks and blankets. Eventually, I have to throw them away. He has a fascination with the window blinds in his bedroom. The shade is a darkening, roll-up style shade. He has pulled it off the roller multiple times. He has ripped a hole in the blinds and then he likes to play with the single spot of sunlight during his nap time. He has ripped all of the stitching out of the bottom of the blind.
You can lecture, punish, reward for good behavior, or try ignoring these behaviors. It doesn't matter. I have tried everything I know to do and he still does many of these things. It's just part of who he is. I've read up on SPD, and they believe it can be a result of drug abuse by the mother, which is true in Brennan's case.
Brennan speaks fairly well now, but he still has problems with dropping consonants off the beginning of words. For instance, instead of costume, he says "ostume" and instead of needs he says "eeds." They are in the process of re-evaluating his speech at school to determine if he will need to receive additional speech therapy. My daughter (4) and my other son (3) speak much more clearly than Brennan. He's still trying to catch up for 3 years of neglect. My daughter and younger son had less time in that negative environment. Summer and Jordan are developing normally and don't seem to have any lingering issues from the biological mother's drug abuse or the neglectful atmosphere of the biological father.
I can't be sure how much Brennan and Summer even remember about their biological father. Brennan couldn't speak, so he didn't have the language skills to even talk about what he experienced. Summer was speaking, but it was limited. She was only 19-months old. Jordan was still a baby and he only spent 1 month in his biological father's home. In the beginning, the children never asked for their father. They never cried for him. When they had a supervised visit with him after not seeing him for almost a year, they didn't even seem to recognize him. They didn't want to go in the room with him and the social worker. I had to coax them in the room with toys. After the visit, Brennan asked me, "Mommy, do we have the see that guy again?" I told him I didn't know. Fortunately, they never had another visit. None of the kids ever asked about "that guy" again.
I don't want to seem like I'm whining about having a special needs child. I love Brennan very much. He is my son. However, raising a child with special needs is never easy. It can be so stressful and frustrating at times. My best friend has a daughter that has Oppositional Defiance Disorder along with some anxiety issues. We use one another as a sounding board to talk about the difficulties we have with our children. People who don't have children with special needs just don't understand. Every day is a struggle. Some days I feel like all I do is correct Brennan. I often feel like Summer and Jordan may not be getting as much attention as Brennan. I also feel like too much of the attention I give Brennan is negative. It is a balancing act to have a child with special needs. I want my children to grow up in a positive environment. I also want them to have structure, be polite, and respect others.
I'm very blessed to have these children in my life. I know that God wanted my husband and I to be the parents of these children. He has entrusted me with loving them and caring for them and I take this job very seriously. I'm not a perfect mother, but no mother is. The most important thing is my children know I love them. I tell them every day. No matter what else happens, they will know they are loved.
Summer (4), Jordan (3), and Brennan (5)
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