In this country it is illegal to discriminate against someone based on their race, religion, sex, age, disability, or sexual orientation. However, it is still perfectly legal to discriminate against someone because of their weight. How is this possible? Why are overweight people excluded from the protection of the law?
I read a blog post from Shrinking Kenz where she discussed how she and her mother were publicly humiliated by Southwest Airlines employees because of their weight.
Nothing will tear down an overweight person like publicly fat shaming, making fun of us, or drawing attention to our weight. A Southwest Airlines employee in Phoenix, Arizona publicly humiliated me in front of hundreds of other passengers. I was so mortified by the experience that I never reported it or even discussed it with anyone. After reading Kenz's post about her experience, I decided to talk about my experience.
A few years ago, my husband and I traveled via Southwest Airlines from Louisville, Kentucky to Phoenix, Arizona. We travel to Arizona almost every year to visit family in Tucson. Before travelling, I looked up Southwest Airlines policy about overweight passengers. Their policy essentially states that if your hips will fit in the seat with the armrests down, then you don't need to purchase another seat. My hips fit in the seat, but the seat belts don't always fit and I sometimes need a seat belt extension. I had flown from Louisville to Phoenix with no problems. However, while we were waiting for our return flight from Phoenix to Louisville, the end of my vacation turned into a nightmare.
I was sitting in a crowded area at the boarding gate in Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport. My husband and I were chatting about our vacation when a thin blond woman approached me. She was a Southwest employee. She loomed over me momentarily and then bent over and started talking to me like I was a child. She announced in front of everyone "You will probably have to buy another seat because you won't fit in just one seat." I WAS MORTIFIED! I tried to be calm and I said, "I fit in the seat. I flew out here a week ago on Southwest and I didn't have a problem." This didn't appease her. Her response was, "That doesn't matter. It is MY determination on whether or not you will fit in the seat. I get to decide if you need another seat or not." Then she began telling me that I would have to pre-board so that she could see if I fit in the seat or not. I told her again that I didn't have a problem when I flew out the previous week and I knew I fit in the seat, but she kept telling me it was "her decision" on whether or not I could fit in the seat. It didn't matter what had happened the previous week.
At this point I was crying because I was so embarrassed. Then she made me get up in front of everyone and walk on the plane with her so she could "see for herself" if I fit in the seat. After meeting HER requirements, she didn't even apologize for humiliating me in front of all of the other passengers. I cried the entire flight home. All 4 hours of it. I was so humiliated. I was just devastated. (It turns out after reading a follow-up post by Kenz, a Southwest representative told her that if you were allowed to fly without purchasing a second seat on a flight, then they couldn't require you to purchase an additional seat on a return flight. Apparently, the employees at Southwest aren't even familiar with the company policies and they make their own determinations based on their own biases about overweight people.)
What made the situation even worse is that everyone looked at me as they got on the plane. There was a very large man sitting at the gate with us and she NEVER SAID A WORD TO HIM. He was much taller than me and much rounder than me, but she never approached him about having to purchase another seat.
It wouldn't have been so devastating if she had approached me quietly and asked me to come to the ticket counter or to step aside somewhere to discuss the situation. Instead, she leered over me like she was disciplining a child and her voice got louder every time I tried to explain that I had flown out the week before with no problems. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I was so upset by the ordeal that I couldn't even work up the nerve to call and report her behavior. I just wanted to forget about it. The only problem is I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT.
I'm not trying to get anything from Southwest by posting this. I won't fly with them anymore. I'd rather pay more to fly on another carrier than to risk being humiliated again.
I'm just trying to bring awareness to the last legal form of discrimination in this country: weight discrimination. It happens every day in this country and its time for it to stop. Obese people have feelings too.
I know that there are jobs that I didn't get because people made assumptions about my work ethic based on my weight. Or maybe they just don't like fat people. You can see the look on their face and know that no matter how qualified you are for the position, YOU WILL NEVER GET THE JOB. And unless they say "You aren't going to get this job because you are fat", there is no way to prove they are discriminating against you. And even if they did say that to you, technically the law doesn't cover weight-based discrimination. You can only hope to get it covered under the disability discrimination law, and that is probably unlikely to happen.
I experienced so much bullying as a child because of my weight. There was a boy that would make fun of me every morning as I walked to the bus stop. There was a girl that told me she wanted to fight me just because I was "fat." There are countless stories like these in my life. I have been overweight since I was 9 years old.
I know this happens to people every day in this country. Its not okay to discriminate against people because they have a disability. Its not okay to make fun of people who have an alcohol or drug addiction. Why is it still okay to make fun of someone who has an endocrine disorder or a food addiction?
Food addiction is the same as a drug or alcohol addiction. People overeat to soothe emotional pain. If you make fun of an overweight person or lecture them about their weight, all that happens is that they turn to eating to soothe the emotional pain they are feeling. It is my opinion that a food addiction may be worse than a drug or alcohol addiction. With drugs and alcohol, you can quit them completely. You can't just quit eating. Imagine being a drug addict and someone telling you to only take 3 hits a day. Could you stop at 3? Well, that is what a compulsive over eater has to deal with. A compulsive over eater can't just stop eating completely. They have to try and limit themselves to 3 small meals a day.
People who have diseases hypothyroidism, which slows down your metabolism (which I have), and an endocrine disorder like polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) which makes your metabolism almost non-existent and turns food directly into fat (which I also have) tend to struggle with their weight. I have struggled with my weight since I entered puberty. I've tried just about every diet and exercise regimen out there. I have never been able to lose more than 30 pounds. For years I just thought I was crazy. How was it possible that I didn't eat any more food than a normal weight person and be physically active and still be morbidly obese? It just didn't make sense. A few years ago, I finally found an answer to this disturbing mystery. Approximately 30% of women with PCOS can gain weight even with normal caloric intake and exercise. I try to eat healthier foods in small portions, but because of my thyroid disease and PCOS, it still makes losing weight very difficult for me. Please take a moment and click on the links above about these diseases and educate yourself about what other conditions may factor into keeping someone obese.
Please stop making fun of or telling jokes about overweight or obese people. It is hurtful and humiliating to them. It is just another form of bullying and discrimination. We are people too. We deserve the respect that everyone else is afforded.
I know that there are people who are discriminated against because of their race or sexual orientation despite the existing laws to protect them, but it is generally not socially acceptable to do these types of things. People frown on it and therefore it doesn't happen as often. However, it seems that it is still socially acceptable to make fun of fat people because its their own fault, right?
Well, it isn't always their fault. Sometimes they have a disease, a disability, or a medication that causes weight gain. If someone is overweight because of a food addiction, you don't know what has happened in their lives to cause them to turn to food to soothe the emotional pain they feel. Don't just assume that obese people are lazy and eat all day. That may not be the case at all. And even if it is, they may be depressed or emotionally hurting and that is the reason why they eat. Help them, don't hurt them by fat shaming them, making fun of them, cracking jokes about fat people, or singling them out in front of hundreds of people in a crowded room.
There was a story in the news recently about people fat shaming Kelly Clarkson. Why does it matter what she weighs? Her weight does not change the fact that she is an amazing singer. She is a beautiful woman with a beautiful voice. I don't care what she weighs or what she wears.
There are so many things that a normal-weight person has probably never considered about an overweight person's life. You are constantly on the watch for situations that may embarrass you. If you think you could encounter an embarrassing situation at a party or an event, you don't go to said party or event. Then there are every day things like; Turnstyles: will I fit through it? Rollercoasters: Will the bar go down and will my passenger fall out because the bar isn't down far enough for them? Seatbelts: Will it be long enough for me? (I've found that rear seatbelts in most newer cars will not fit me.) Airlines: Are they going to make me buy two seats? Will I have to request a seatbelt extension? Wooden Decks: Is the wood rotten? Will I fall through? Chairs: Is it built sturdy? Will it hold me? Clothes: Is it going to be tight? Will I find the right size? (I always shop at Plus-Sized women's stores now. I've found that even if a department store says it's my size, it most likely will not fit. Most of the things seem to be cut smaller in regular department stores. I never buy anything without trying it on first.) Work or Volunteer Uniforms: Will they have a size large enough to fit me? There are so many situations that we are constantly evaluating on a daily basis.
I'm turning 40 this year. It has taken me this long to realize that my weight is not the most important thing about me. It's not important at all, really. There is so much more to me, and everyone else for that matter, that is much more important than what we look like on the outside. I know that I will always be self-conscious about my weight, but that's okay. I'm working through it one day at a time.
We've been programmed by society to hate ourselves if we don't meet their standards of beauty. What is sad is the photos we see in the magazines and the actors on the screen have been photoshopped, airbrushed, have teams of make-up artists, costume designers, wardrobe assistants, and hair dressers to make them look beautiful. No one can live up to those type of standards. I long for the day when I pick up Cosmopolitan or Vogue Magazine and see average women on the cover. Women come in all shapes and sizes. Why should only one type of woman be represented in our media? It's outrageous!
We need to love ourselves as we are. We are beautifully and wonderfully made by God. He knows every hair on our heads. He knit us in the womb. We cannot let society determine our worth. We are priceless creations. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!
PCOS Awareness
Monday, March 23, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
Anxiety And Depression With PCOS
When I was 15, my Sophomore year in high school, I went through a horrible depression. I felt very alone. When I went to school or when I was with my family, I would pretend that everything was okay. No one saw what was really going on. No one saw how I would look in the mirror, hating my reflection, and cry for hours. No one saw me sitting with a knife to my wrist just wishing I had the courage to actually act on the thoughts of suicide running through my head. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of despair. It was such a terrible time for me. Then one day I woke up and decided I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I was just starting my Junior year in high school. I now know that I didn't just decide to start feeling better and it happened, something chemically changed in my brain and the depression went away.
When I was 21, I went through another period of depression that lasted a few months, but not nearly as severe. I wasn't suicidal, I just didn't want to do anything. I sat around and watched TV all day and did nothing.
Fortunately, I have not suffered any severe bouts of depression since that time.
I have, however, had problems with anxiety.
In February of 2011, I was at work doing routine things, when all of a sudden I got so dizzy that I thought I was going to pass out. Then my arms started tingling and my palms started sweating. I had to call my husband to come and get me from work. The next day I went to the doctor and she told me I had a middle-ear infection and prescribed antibiotics. I took my antibiotics and everything seemed to be fine. A week later I was sitting with my husband watching a basketball game on a Friday night. I started having the dizzy spells, tingling, and sweating again. Plus, I was feeling a tightness in my chest and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I tried to ignore the symptoms, but it wouldn't let up. I got concerned that perhaps I was having a heart attack, so I had my husband take me to the emergency room. They did an EKG and a CT scan of my head and they didn't see anything. The doctor said that I probably had vertigo and prescribed Dramamine. I continued to have these dizzy spells on and off so I just kept taking the Dramamine. This went on for a few months. I was beginning to suspect that I was having anxiety attacks, but since I had never experienced anything like this before, I really wasn't sure.
In August of that same year I started having the dizzy spells, tingling, and sweating more frequently, but I just tried to ignore the symptoms. One day I was driving home from work and the dizziness hit me so hard that I thought I was going to pass out. I pulled into a parking lot and called my Mom so someone would know where I was if I actually passed out. Then the tingling arms and sweaty palms started. I also got a tightness in my chest and started having chest pains. Once I got a little less dizzy, I drove to pick-up my husband at work and I had him drive me straight to the ER. They did another EKG and a chest x-ray, but they didn't see anything. They decided to admit me so they could monitor my heart overnight. I spent a very uncomfortable night in the hospital being monitored, trying to eat terrible hospital food, and having my blood drawn every few hours. The next morning I had a consultation with a cardiologist. He said he thought I was having anxiety attacks, but he wanted to be absolutely sure to rule out any underlying heart condition. So, I had an echo cardiogram, wore a halter monitor for 24 hours, and had a PET scan. After all those expensive tests, my cardiologist determined that there is nothing wrong with my heart and I had developed an anxiety disorder.
This was a very strange turn of events for me. I'm a very calm person by nature. It feels like such a betrayal by my body when all of a sudden I'm scared out of my mind, dizzy, sweaty, tingling, and thinking I'm going to die. It makes absolutely no sense. I could just be sitting there reading a book and everything is fine and the next minute I'm having an anxiety attack.
Sometimes I would just have visions of terrible things happening. I would be walking down a couple of stairs and envision slipping and breaking my leg or bashing my head open. Everyday tasks became daunting because I would fear getting hurt or falling. I would also fear being alone. If I started having an anxiety attack, I didn't want to be alone for fear that something would happen to me and there would be no one there to help me. I also had a fear of embarrassment because of passing out or evening dying in public. Obviously, I can't be embarrassed if I'm dead, but it didn't stop the thoughts from passing through my head.
Even when I wasn't having an anxiety attack, it felt like my bones were being rattled all of the time. You know how you feel when you get really gold and get the chills? Well, that's how I felt every minute of the day. It was very disconcerting.
My PCP told me anxiety can be brought on by hormone fluctuations due to my PCOS. I was so dismayed by the recent turn of events. I kept saying to my doctor, "It just doesn't make sense. I don't get worked up over things like this. I'm a very calm person."
She replied, "Sweetheart, you can't rationalize your way out of anxiety. It just won't work." She prescribed Paxil and Xanax. I take a 20 mg Paxil every day and a half a Xanax as needed for breakthrough anxiety attacks. It took a while before I could function normally and my bones didn't feel like they were being rattled. I still may have a breakthrough anxiety attack when I get very tired, but its nothing that a half a Xanax can't handle.
I hate that I have to be medicated to function, but I know I'm not alone. There are millions of people out there who suffer from anxiety disorders.
It's so hard to describe to people who don't suffer from anxiety or depression. Until you have lived through it, you can't possibly understand it. You can describe it to someone, but it isn't the same.
I know that my husband would get frustrated from time to time when I would be in the midst of an anxiety attack. He would tell me, "You're fine. Just calm down."
Just an FYI to those who don't suffer from anxiety, telling us to calm down won't work. It will only frustrate us. Don't you think if we could make the anxiety go away, we would? We want to calm down. We want to feel normal.
I feel very blessed that my medicine is able to control my anxiety. Some people aren't so fortunate. They try medication after medication and nothing seems to control the symptoms entirely. If you are one of those unfortunate people, just hang in there. One day, something will work.
When I was 21, I went through another period of depression that lasted a few months, but not nearly as severe. I wasn't suicidal, I just didn't want to do anything. I sat around and watched TV all day and did nothing.
Fortunately, I have not suffered any severe bouts of depression since that time.
I have, however, had problems with anxiety.
In February of 2011, I was at work doing routine things, when all of a sudden I got so dizzy that I thought I was going to pass out. Then my arms started tingling and my palms started sweating. I had to call my husband to come and get me from work. The next day I went to the doctor and she told me I had a middle-ear infection and prescribed antibiotics. I took my antibiotics and everything seemed to be fine. A week later I was sitting with my husband watching a basketball game on a Friday night. I started having the dizzy spells, tingling, and sweating again. Plus, I was feeling a tightness in my chest and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I tried to ignore the symptoms, but it wouldn't let up. I got concerned that perhaps I was having a heart attack, so I had my husband take me to the emergency room. They did an EKG and a CT scan of my head and they didn't see anything. The doctor said that I probably had vertigo and prescribed Dramamine. I continued to have these dizzy spells on and off so I just kept taking the Dramamine. This went on for a few months. I was beginning to suspect that I was having anxiety attacks, but since I had never experienced anything like this before, I really wasn't sure.
In August of that same year I started having the dizzy spells, tingling, and sweating more frequently, but I just tried to ignore the symptoms. One day I was driving home from work and the dizziness hit me so hard that I thought I was going to pass out. I pulled into a parking lot and called my Mom so someone would know where I was if I actually passed out. Then the tingling arms and sweaty palms started. I also got a tightness in my chest and started having chest pains. Once I got a little less dizzy, I drove to pick-up my husband at work and I had him drive me straight to the ER. They did another EKG and a chest x-ray, but they didn't see anything. They decided to admit me so they could monitor my heart overnight. I spent a very uncomfortable night in the hospital being monitored, trying to eat terrible hospital food, and having my blood drawn every few hours. The next morning I had a consultation with a cardiologist. He said he thought I was having anxiety attacks, but he wanted to be absolutely sure to rule out any underlying heart condition. So, I had an echo cardiogram, wore a halter monitor for 24 hours, and had a PET scan. After all those expensive tests, my cardiologist determined that there is nothing wrong with my heart and I had developed an anxiety disorder.
This was a very strange turn of events for me. I'm a very calm person by nature. It feels like such a betrayal by my body when all of a sudden I'm scared out of my mind, dizzy, sweaty, tingling, and thinking I'm going to die. It makes absolutely no sense. I could just be sitting there reading a book and everything is fine and the next minute I'm having an anxiety attack.
Sometimes I would just have visions of terrible things happening. I would be walking down a couple of stairs and envision slipping and breaking my leg or bashing my head open. Everyday tasks became daunting because I would fear getting hurt or falling. I would also fear being alone. If I started having an anxiety attack, I didn't want to be alone for fear that something would happen to me and there would be no one there to help me. I also had a fear of embarrassment because of passing out or evening dying in public. Obviously, I can't be embarrassed if I'm dead, but it didn't stop the thoughts from passing through my head.
Even when I wasn't having an anxiety attack, it felt like my bones were being rattled all of the time. You know how you feel when you get really gold and get the chills? Well, that's how I felt every minute of the day. It was very disconcerting.
My PCP told me anxiety can be brought on by hormone fluctuations due to my PCOS. I was so dismayed by the recent turn of events. I kept saying to my doctor, "It just doesn't make sense. I don't get worked up over things like this. I'm a very calm person."
She replied, "Sweetheart, you can't rationalize your way out of anxiety. It just won't work." She prescribed Paxil and Xanax. I take a 20 mg Paxil every day and a half a Xanax as needed for breakthrough anxiety attacks. It took a while before I could function normally and my bones didn't feel like they were being rattled. I still may have a breakthrough anxiety attack when I get very tired, but its nothing that a half a Xanax can't handle.
I hate that I have to be medicated to function, but I know I'm not alone. There are millions of people out there who suffer from anxiety disorders.
It's so hard to describe to people who don't suffer from anxiety or depression. Until you have lived through it, you can't possibly understand it. You can describe it to someone, but it isn't the same.
I know that my husband would get frustrated from time to time when I would be in the midst of an anxiety attack. He would tell me, "You're fine. Just calm down."
Just an FYI to those who don't suffer from anxiety, telling us to calm down won't work. It will only frustrate us. Don't you think if we could make the anxiety go away, we would? We want to calm down. We want to feel normal.
I feel very blessed that my medicine is able to control my anxiety. Some people aren't so fortunate. They try medication after medication and nothing seems to control the symptoms entirely. If you are one of those unfortunate people, just hang in there. One day, something will work.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Pregnancy Tests
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't see a woman in one of my PCOS Support Groups post a photo of an obviously negative pregnancy test with the caption, "Does anyone see a line?" Someone from the outside looking in would probably think, "Is she blind?" However, I have been the woman holding that pregnancy test, hoping against hope to see a faint line on that pregnancy test. This is just one of the realities of having PCOS and trying to have a baby.
On February 14, 2000, my husband and I decided it was time to start a family. We had been married for 2 years (it was our anniversary), we were renting a 2-bedroom house across the street from my parents, we had steady jobs, and we were financially stable. It seemed like an ideal time to start a family. I stopped taking my birth control that evening.
I've always had irregular periods so it was difficult to know if/when I was pregnant. In May of 2000, something odd started to happen. My nipples were itching like crazy, every day, all day. I didn't make the connection to pregnancy. I just thought it was dry skin, so I would liberally apply lotion multiple times a day. It didn't really help the itching though.
One day I was at work and I was about to pick-up a large box full of lawnmower parts. My subconscious said to me, "Don't pick up that heavy box, you're pregnant." I stopped dead in my tracks. Where the heck did that come from? And was it true?
On my way home from work that day I stopped at the drug store and bought a pregnancy test. I took the test and it was positive. We were so excited.
Two weeks later I was at work and it felt like I had started my period. I went to the restroom and I was bleeding. My husband took me to the hospital and they told me I was probably having a miscarriage, but they wouldn't know for sure until they tested my hormone levels the following morning. I went in the next morning to give blood. A few hours later, my OBGYN called to tell me I was having a miscarriage. It was the most devastating experience of my life.
My husband and I continued to try to get pregnant, even after my PCOS diagnosis in 2001. I know exactly what these ladies in my support group are going through. I kept my medicine cabinet stocked with a pregnancy test (or 2) at all times. My periods were never regular, so if I went more than a month without a period, I would take a test.
I would always take it first thing in the morning as that is when the HCG hormone level will be the highest. I would take the test and try not to look at it during those 2 minutes you are supposed to wait. I would try to keep myself from hoping that I would see 2 lines, but I usually failed. That hope would still be there. Finally, I would look at the test. 1 line. Always 1 line. Every couple of months it would be the same thing. The hope, the fear, and then that 1 damned line on that pregnancy test. I continued this torturous routine for 9 years. Finally, I realized that pregnancy was just not in the cards for me. I decided adoption would probably be my best opportunity to become a mother.
There were several times over the past years that family or friends would know someone that was considering giving their child up for adoption and would mention it to me. I would begin getting my hopes up and then it would fall through.
Trying to have kids with PCOS, whether through birth or adoption, is always a roller coaster. Many women get frustrated, depressed, or angry at the world. I would always get sad if I had to walk through the children's department at a store. I would get angry when I would see irresponsible people having baby after baby, or when I think about all of the babies being aborted in this country every day (approximately 3000 babies are murdered each day in the U.S.), while my husband and I had no child in our arms. Our child would be loved and cared for and not considered an inconvenience.
We were finally able to adopt 3 beautiful children from Foster Care last year. It was a 14-year journey for us to become parents. There were many times I was scared motherhood would never happen for me. I just kept praying and had faith that being a mother was part of God's plan for my life. I just knew in my soul that I was meant to be a mother. I was right. It just took longer than I ever thought it would.
So, to all of my Cysters out there struggling with infertility: have faith, keep praying, and keep trying. I know it's scary, frustrating, depressing, and you hate seeing 1 line on that pregnancy test. I know all of these things. I've experienced all of these things. However, I never gave up. Neither should you.
On February 14, 2000, my husband and I decided it was time to start a family. We had been married for 2 years (it was our anniversary), we were renting a 2-bedroom house across the street from my parents, we had steady jobs, and we were financially stable. It seemed like an ideal time to start a family. I stopped taking my birth control that evening.
I've always had irregular periods so it was difficult to know if/when I was pregnant. In May of 2000, something odd started to happen. My nipples were itching like crazy, every day, all day. I didn't make the connection to pregnancy. I just thought it was dry skin, so I would liberally apply lotion multiple times a day. It didn't really help the itching though.
One day I was at work and I was about to pick-up a large box full of lawnmower parts. My subconscious said to me, "Don't pick up that heavy box, you're pregnant." I stopped dead in my tracks. Where the heck did that come from? And was it true?
On my way home from work that day I stopped at the drug store and bought a pregnancy test. I took the test and it was positive. We were so excited.
Two weeks later I was at work and it felt like I had started my period. I went to the restroom and I was bleeding. My husband took me to the hospital and they told me I was probably having a miscarriage, but they wouldn't know for sure until they tested my hormone levels the following morning. I went in the next morning to give blood. A few hours later, my OBGYN called to tell me I was having a miscarriage. It was the most devastating experience of my life.
My husband and I continued to try to get pregnant, even after my PCOS diagnosis in 2001. I know exactly what these ladies in my support group are going through. I kept my medicine cabinet stocked with a pregnancy test (or 2) at all times. My periods were never regular, so if I went more than a month without a period, I would take a test.
I would always take it first thing in the morning as that is when the HCG hormone level will be the highest. I would take the test and try not to look at it during those 2 minutes you are supposed to wait. I would try to keep myself from hoping that I would see 2 lines, but I usually failed. That hope would still be there. Finally, I would look at the test. 1 line. Always 1 line. Every couple of months it would be the same thing. The hope, the fear, and then that 1 damned line on that pregnancy test. I continued this torturous routine for 9 years. Finally, I realized that pregnancy was just not in the cards for me. I decided adoption would probably be my best opportunity to become a mother.
There were several times over the past years that family or friends would know someone that was considering giving their child up for adoption and would mention it to me. I would begin getting my hopes up and then it would fall through.
Trying to have kids with PCOS, whether through birth or adoption, is always a roller coaster. Many women get frustrated, depressed, or angry at the world. I would always get sad if I had to walk through the children's department at a store. I would get angry when I would see irresponsible people having baby after baby, or when I think about all of the babies being aborted in this country every day (approximately 3000 babies are murdered each day in the U.S.), while my husband and I had no child in our arms. Our child would be loved and cared for and not considered an inconvenience.
We were finally able to adopt 3 beautiful children from Foster Care last year. It was a 14-year journey for us to become parents. There were many times I was scared motherhood would never happen for me. I just kept praying and had faith that being a mother was part of God's plan for my life. I just knew in my soul that I was meant to be a mother. I was right. It just took longer than I ever thought it would.
So, to all of my Cysters out there struggling with infertility: have faith, keep praying, and keep trying. I know it's scary, frustrating, depressing, and you hate seeing 1 line on that pregnancy test. I know all of these things. I've experienced all of these things. However, I never gave up. Neither should you.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Does PCOS Cause This (Add Symptom Here)?
Most of the time, the answer is YES. PCOS has so many symptoms (many of which are listed at the top of my blog). I am a member of a couple of PCOS Support Groups on Facebook and every day I see someone pose this question.
Does PCOS cause acne? Does PCOS cause fatigue? Does PCOS cause depression? Does PCOS cause infertility? Does PCOS cause anxiety? The questions go on and on.
I can only imagine how difficult it is for women who have recently been diagnosed. I knew very little about this disease when I was first diagnosed. I never imagined that so many of my issues could be a symptom of PCOS. One website discussing PCOS may list symptoms another website doesn't list. It's all very confusing. I have provided quick links on my Blog (on the right-hand side of the page) to some of the resources I have found most helpful.
The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. If you have recently been diagnosed, I would recommend joining a support group. I think some of the best information and advice I have received is from fellow Cysters (that is what we call one another). They live with this disease every day.
If you join any PCOS support group, you will see countless stories of women going to their General Practitioners (GP) or even their Gynecologist and be told incorrect information regarding this disease. Most doctors know very little about PCOS and understand it even less. I have seen posts from women who have had their GP tell them it is a made-up disease and it's just an excuse for women to use if they are overweight. A piece of advice: if your doctor says some nonsense like this, FIND A NEW DOCTOR!
PCOS is very real. Don't let anyone tell you differently. We have to fight to be heard. Doctors need to educate themselves about this disease. I read an article about PCOS in 2001 and realized I had many of the symptoms listed in the article. I went to my OBGYN and requested to be tested for the disease. Her reply was, "You probably have it, but I'll test you."
I probably have it? Why didn't you mention it before? This doctor knew I probably had this disease but never bothered to even mention it to me. Why? Of course, this is the same doctor who would lecture me about my weight during my entire examination, EVERY YEAR. Like I don't know I'm fat. (By the way, I have a different OBGYN now.)
If there are any doctors reading my Blog, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Fat people know they are fat. They also know what you are supposed to do to lose weight (which doesn't work for me). It's fine to mention it once and recommend some ways to help us lose weight. You don't have to mention it every time we see you. Lecturing us over and over will not help us in any way. As a matter of fact, if someone is overweight because they have an addiction to food, most likely they will leave your office and go straight to the nearest fast-food joint to bury the emotional pain.
You can call me many things and I can brush most of it off. But if someone starts talking about my weight, it hurts me to the core. I started gaining weight as soon as I hit puberty. I was able to lose some of the weight with a severe diet and lots of exercise when I was 15, but I'm not 15 anymore. I went through a severe depression when I was 16 and started emotionally eating and gained everything I lost back plus some. Since that time I have tried just about every diet and exercise regimen out there and nothing has consistently worked for me except not eating. So, talking about my weight will not help me. It will only hurt me. I know I'm fat. I've been fat since I was 9. It isn't like I don't try and lose weight. However, having PCOS has made it amazingly difficult to lose a significant amount of weight. Don't lecture me. And if you have some amazing diet that has worked for you, it doesn't mean it will work for me. Everyone is different.
If you suspect that you have PCOS or you have recently been diagnosed with PCOS, there is help out there. There is no cure, but we can manage most of our symptoms. Join a support group. These Cysters have seen and done it all. They are a great resource for information about the disease, diet tricks, supplements that work, etc. They are also great at just being there when you are struggling. Many of them have been where you are at one time.
This is my preferred support groups on Facebook, but there are many out there:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/pcosgrouphelp/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/344589048925066/
Does PCOS cause acne? Does PCOS cause fatigue? Does PCOS cause depression? Does PCOS cause infertility? Does PCOS cause anxiety? The questions go on and on.
I can only imagine how difficult it is for women who have recently been diagnosed. I knew very little about this disease when I was first diagnosed. I never imagined that so many of my issues could be a symptom of PCOS. One website discussing PCOS may list symptoms another website doesn't list. It's all very confusing. I have provided quick links on my Blog (on the right-hand side of the page) to some of the resources I have found most helpful.
The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. If you have recently been diagnosed, I would recommend joining a support group. I think some of the best information and advice I have received is from fellow Cysters (that is what we call one another). They live with this disease every day.
If you join any PCOS support group, you will see countless stories of women going to their General Practitioners (GP) or even their Gynecologist and be told incorrect information regarding this disease. Most doctors know very little about PCOS and understand it even less. I have seen posts from women who have had their GP tell them it is a made-up disease and it's just an excuse for women to use if they are overweight. A piece of advice: if your doctor says some nonsense like this, FIND A NEW DOCTOR!
PCOS is very real. Don't let anyone tell you differently. We have to fight to be heard. Doctors need to educate themselves about this disease. I read an article about PCOS in 2001 and realized I had many of the symptoms listed in the article. I went to my OBGYN and requested to be tested for the disease. Her reply was, "You probably have it, but I'll test you."
I probably have it? Why didn't you mention it before? This doctor knew I probably had this disease but never bothered to even mention it to me. Why? Of course, this is the same doctor who would lecture me about my weight during my entire examination, EVERY YEAR. Like I don't know I'm fat. (By the way, I have a different OBGYN now.)
If there are any doctors reading my Blog, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Fat people know they are fat. They also know what you are supposed to do to lose weight (which doesn't work for me). It's fine to mention it once and recommend some ways to help us lose weight. You don't have to mention it every time we see you. Lecturing us over and over will not help us in any way. As a matter of fact, if someone is overweight because they have an addiction to food, most likely they will leave your office and go straight to the nearest fast-food joint to bury the emotional pain.
You can call me many things and I can brush most of it off. But if someone starts talking about my weight, it hurts me to the core. I started gaining weight as soon as I hit puberty. I was able to lose some of the weight with a severe diet and lots of exercise when I was 15, but I'm not 15 anymore. I went through a severe depression when I was 16 and started emotionally eating and gained everything I lost back plus some. Since that time I have tried just about every diet and exercise regimen out there and nothing has consistently worked for me except not eating. So, talking about my weight will not help me. It will only hurt me. I know I'm fat. I've been fat since I was 9. It isn't like I don't try and lose weight. However, having PCOS has made it amazingly difficult to lose a significant amount of weight. Don't lecture me. And if you have some amazing diet that has worked for you, it doesn't mean it will work for me. Everyone is different.
If you suspect that you have PCOS or you have recently been diagnosed with PCOS, there is help out there. There is no cure, but we can manage most of our symptoms. Join a support group. These Cysters have seen and done it all. They are a great resource for information about the disease, diet tricks, supplements that work, etc. They are also great at just being there when you are struggling. Many of them have been where you are at one time.
This is my preferred support groups on Facebook, but there are many out there:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/pcosgrouphelp/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/344589048925066/
Friday, February 27, 2015
PCOS Gives You Acne
When I was 11-years old and started going through puberty I also got acne. It's pretty normal. Almost all teenagers deal with acne. My acne wasn't severe, just annoying. My periods were always irregular. When I was 14, my mother took me to a gynecologist to find out about my irregular periods. Unfortunately, she took me to her MALE gynecologist. I was completely traumatized. My mother didn't really consider how it might affect me to have some strange man touching my lady parts. She had almost always been to male gynecologists and it never bothered her. My aunt was the gynecologist's medical assistant and I think she thought that would make me more comfortable. That wasn't the case. Not only did I have some strange man looking at my hoo-ha, but my aunt could see me too. I had mentioned to my mother once or twice in the past that taking me to a male gynecologist was really upsetting to me. I think she thought I was just being dramatic. It wasn't until a few years ago that I was like, no really Mom. I felt completely violated and I cried in my room the rest of the day. She apologized. I forgave her. We live and we learn.
A word of advice to all mothers of teenage daughters, please take your daughter to a FEMALE gynecologist for their first time. Going to the gynecologist is awkward enough without the additional trauma of having a man touching your private parts.
The gynecologist said it was normal for overweight people to have irregular periods and said they would probably regulate themselves as I got older. He was wrong.
When I was 18, my gynecologist (now a female) put me on Ortho Tri-Cyclen to help regulate my periods. A side effect of that birth control was that it gave me beautiful skin. Another side effect was that it made my hair fall out in handfuls. I think I'd rather have hair and deal with zits than lose my hair and have great skin. Hair loss is a very unusual side effect of birth control. My mother had the same problem when she took birth control. She lost a great deal of her hair while taking birth control. Her hair never thickened out after she quit birth control. Neither did mine. It's such a rare side effect, that it isn't even listed as a possible side effect on the inserts in most birth control pills. After losing way too much hair, I quit taking birth control. I decided I would rather have irregular periods and acne than lose all of my hair. Bald isn't a good look for me.
When I was 25, something weird started happening to me. I started getting a lot of acne on my neck and chin. I would get an occasional zit, but this was a full break out. I would try to cover it with makeup, but that never really works. I was really embarrassed by my skin. It's bad enough being fat, but then you add thin hair and zits, and your self-esteem gets completely obliterated. I tried all of the traditional store-bought acne remedies and none of them worked. Most of them made my breakouts worse.
When I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2001, my endocrinologist prescribed an acne medication for me. It helped prevent a lot of the breakouts, but you weren't supposed to take it if you were trying to get pregnant. I used it for a few months, but my desire to have a baby was greater than my desire to not have zits, so I quit using it.
In the last few years, my breakouts have lessened in severity. However, last month I had a horrendous breakout. Lots of really big zits on my neck and lower jaw (by the way, when you have breakouts like this, they are hormone related). I felt like I was a teenager again. I was so embarrassed by my skin.
PCOS is a real pain in the you-know-what some days. There is nothing like being a wife, a mother, and being almost 40-years old and having skin like you are 15-years old (and not in a good way). I haven't found any over-the-counter remedies that prevent the breakouts. However, I have found that if I have a bad breakout, if I steam my skin, wash it with hot water and soap, and then clean it with rubbing alcohol, it will help dry up the zits and help my skin clear up more quickly.
The really annoying thing is I take really good care of my skin. I clean it with Oil-of-Olay Daily Facials and I always put Oil-of-Olay Moisturizer on my face and neck. I'll be 40-years old in May and I don't have any wrinkles (not even crows feet around my eyes).
I still have acne though.
A word of advice to all mothers of teenage daughters, please take your daughter to a FEMALE gynecologist for their first time. Going to the gynecologist is awkward enough without the additional trauma of having a man touching your private parts.
The gynecologist said it was normal for overweight people to have irregular periods and said they would probably regulate themselves as I got older. He was wrong.
When I was 18, my gynecologist (now a female) put me on Ortho Tri-Cyclen to help regulate my periods. A side effect of that birth control was that it gave me beautiful skin. Another side effect was that it made my hair fall out in handfuls. I think I'd rather have hair and deal with zits than lose my hair and have great skin. Hair loss is a very unusual side effect of birth control. My mother had the same problem when she took birth control. She lost a great deal of her hair while taking birth control. Her hair never thickened out after she quit birth control. Neither did mine. It's such a rare side effect, that it isn't even listed as a possible side effect on the inserts in most birth control pills. After losing way too much hair, I quit taking birth control. I decided I would rather have irregular periods and acne than lose all of my hair. Bald isn't a good look for me.
When I was 25, something weird started happening to me. I started getting a lot of acne on my neck and chin. I would get an occasional zit, but this was a full break out. I would try to cover it with makeup, but that never really works. I was really embarrassed by my skin. It's bad enough being fat, but then you add thin hair and zits, and your self-esteem gets completely obliterated. I tried all of the traditional store-bought acne remedies and none of them worked. Most of them made my breakouts worse.
When I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2001, my endocrinologist prescribed an acne medication for me. It helped prevent a lot of the breakouts, but you weren't supposed to take it if you were trying to get pregnant. I used it for a few months, but my desire to have a baby was greater than my desire to not have zits, so I quit using it.
In the last few years, my breakouts have lessened in severity. However, last month I had a horrendous breakout. Lots of really big zits on my neck and lower jaw (by the way, when you have breakouts like this, they are hormone related). I felt like I was a teenager again. I was so embarrassed by my skin.
PCOS is a real pain in the you-know-what some days. There is nothing like being a wife, a mother, and being almost 40-years old and having skin like you are 15-years old (and not in a good way). I haven't found any over-the-counter remedies that prevent the breakouts. However, I have found that if I have a bad breakout, if I steam my skin, wash it with hot water and soap, and then clean it with rubbing alcohol, it will help dry up the zits and help my skin clear up more quickly.
The really annoying thing is I take really good care of my skin. I clean it with Oil-of-Olay Daily Facials and I always put Oil-of-Olay Moisturizer on my face and neck. I'll be 40-years old in May and I don't have any wrinkles (not even crows feet around my eyes).
I still have acne though.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Things Kids Say
Parenting is always an adventure. Some days are great, and some days you want to pull your hair out. However, there is rarely a day that goes by when one of my children doesn't say or do something funny or heart warming. I've been compiling a list of my Facebook posts regarding funny or sweet things my kids have said or done. Here are some of my favorites.
12/13/2014
Jordan was learning to talk and he could already say, Mama, Dada, dog, bath, bear, and of course the go-to word, NO. He said his first sentence at bedtime tonight:
"Mama, no bed!" I was so excited that I didn't even mind that he was giving me a hard time.
8/29/2013
Jordan had a really bad cough and the doctor wouldn't give him anything for it. I was running a steam shower for him in the bathroom. Brennan came in to use the bathroom. It was really steamy and I watch him start rubbing his eyes and squinting. Finally, he says, "Mommy, there's something wrong with my eyes. I can't see." Then he tried wiping his eyeball with his hand.
10/4/2013
We had Brennan's 4th Birthday Party today. He had so much fun. As I was putting him to bed, he said, "Thank you Mommy, for my Happy Birthday party."
11/10/2013
We were taking the kids to the zoo and they were all so excited. Brennan says to Daddy, "We're going to see the animals and the assholegators!"
I think he needs a little more speech therapy.
12/8/2013
I put up the Christmas Tree today and every time Jordan looks at the tree he says, "Thank you, Mommy!"
That kid melts my heart.
10/10/2014
I'm getting ready to get in the shower and I hear Jordan singing on the baby monitor, "I'm having a bad, bad day. It's about time things go my way."
This kid is all about "Despicable Me" and the Minions.
1/9/2015
Jordan peed on the potty again this morning. And when I say, "on the potty", I mean no where near the actual bowl. He peed on the seat and the toilet lid. At one point he actually asked me to help him hold is pee-pee because he couldn't do it right. I told him he had to do it himself. The joys of potty training.
2/11/2015
We're watching "Bambi" and his mother was just shot by the hunter.
Jordan says, "Aww, he's sad." And then he goes back to playing. Meanwhile, Mommy is sitting here tearing up.
2/16/2015
My kids want to go play in the snow so badly. I'm really sick and want no part of being outside.
Jordan says, "Let's go play in the snow."
I reply, "I'm sorry, baby. Mommy is sick today and I can't go outside."
Jordan says, "Open your mouth." I oblige. He says, "Your mouth isn't broken so you're not sick. Let's go outside."
2/26/2015
Brennan has to ride a Special Needs bus because he is unable to stay in his seat due to his ADHD. This morning, while waiting for the bus in the warm car, Summer would not stay seated. She would not listen to Daddy at all.
Brennan looked at Daddy and said, "Maybe Summer needs to take the Special Bus too?"
While Potty-Training Brennan
Brennan is in the bathroom sitting on the potty. I'm getting Jordan changed for bed. Brennan yells from the bathroom, "Mommy, I can't pee!"
I reply, "Why not?"
Brennan says, "My pee-pee is too big!"
I respond, "Stop playing with it!" I had no idea little boys thought their penises are toys at such a young age. I thought that only happened beginning at puberty. LOL
Jordan Being Jordan
If Jordan is speaking to a specific parent and you try to answer on their behalf, Jordan will ALWAYS say, "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to _____!" It's funny and cute right now, but eventually I'll have to start to reprimand him for talking to us that way. LOL
I'm sure you have noticed that my daughter is not responsible for any of these funny sayings. She doesn't say too many of these gems. She really hasn't developed a sense of humor yet. I hope that comes in time. She has her own gifts though. She likes to "mother" my youngest, Jordan. She is also very bossy. I think she gets that from me. LOL
Kids also do really funny things. I don't always think it's funny at the time, but eventually it becomes amusing.
12/13/2014
Jordan was learning to talk and he could already say, Mama, Dada, dog, bath, bear, and of course the go-to word, NO. He said his first sentence at bedtime tonight:
"Mama, no bed!" I was so excited that I didn't even mind that he was giving me a hard time.
8/29/2013
Jordan had a really bad cough and the doctor wouldn't give him anything for it. I was running a steam shower for him in the bathroom. Brennan came in to use the bathroom. It was really steamy and I watch him start rubbing his eyes and squinting. Finally, he says, "Mommy, there's something wrong with my eyes. I can't see." Then he tried wiping his eyeball with his hand.
10/4/2013
We had Brennan's 4th Birthday Party today. He had so much fun. As I was putting him to bed, he said, "Thank you Mommy, for my Happy Birthday party."
11/10/2013
We were taking the kids to the zoo and they were all so excited. Brennan says to Daddy, "We're going to see the animals and the assholegators!"
I think he needs a little more speech therapy.
12/8/2013
I put up the Christmas Tree today and every time Jordan looks at the tree he says, "Thank you, Mommy!"
That kid melts my heart.
10/10/2014
I'm getting ready to get in the shower and I hear Jordan singing on the baby monitor, "I'm having a bad, bad day. It's about time things go my way."
This kid is all about "Despicable Me" and the Minions.
1/9/2015
Jordan peed on the potty again this morning. And when I say, "on the potty", I mean no where near the actual bowl. He peed on the seat and the toilet lid. At one point he actually asked me to help him hold is pee-pee because he couldn't do it right. I told him he had to do it himself. The joys of potty training.
2/11/2015
We're watching "Bambi" and his mother was just shot by the hunter.
Jordan says, "Aww, he's sad." And then he goes back to playing. Meanwhile, Mommy is sitting here tearing up.
2/16/2015
My kids want to go play in the snow so badly. I'm really sick and want no part of being outside.
Jordan says, "Let's go play in the snow."
I reply, "I'm sorry, baby. Mommy is sick today and I can't go outside."
Jordan says, "Open your mouth." I oblige. He says, "Your mouth isn't broken so you're not sick. Let's go outside."
2/26/2015
Brennan has to ride a Special Needs bus because he is unable to stay in his seat due to his ADHD. This morning, while waiting for the bus in the warm car, Summer would not stay seated. She would not listen to Daddy at all.
Brennan looked at Daddy and said, "Maybe Summer needs to take the Special Bus too?"
While Potty-Training Brennan
Brennan is in the bathroom sitting on the potty. I'm getting Jordan changed for bed. Brennan yells from the bathroom, "Mommy, I can't pee!"
I reply, "Why not?"
Brennan says, "My pee-pee is too big!"
I respond, "Stop playing with it!" I had no idea little boys thought their penises are toys at such a young age. I thought that only happened beginning at puberty. LOL
Jordan Being Jordan
If Jordan is speaking to a specific parent and you try to answer on their behalf, Jordan will ALWAYS say, "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to _____!" It's funny and cute right now, but eventually I'll have to start to reprimand him for talking to us that way. LOL
I'm sure you have noticed that my daughter is not responsible for any of these funny sayings. She doesn't say too many of these gems. She really hasn't developed a sense of humor yet. I hope that comes in time. She has her own gifts though. She likes to "mother" my youngest, Jordan. She is also very bossy. I think she gets that from me. LOL
Kids also do really funny things. I don't always think it's funny at the time, but eventually it becomes amusing.
The night the kids opened an entire box of Band-Aids while playing in their room.
The night Brennan decided to "hide" his toys in the toilet instead of putting them away.
The kids playing in the dirt on July 4th.
The day Jordan played in the muddy lake water.
The day Brennan "caught" a dead fish in the lake.
The day Summer refused to take a normal picture.
The day Daddy dressed Jordan for church.
Being a mother isn't easy, but it is such a blessing. I cherish these funny things they say and do. They grow up so fast. If you blink, you'll miss it. I don't want to miss any of it. I waited 12 years to become a mother.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Raising A Special Needs Child
There are lots of challenges for new moms. It was especially a challenge for me. I had a baby and 2 toddlers to care for. All 3 of them were in diapers. I don't think the children had ever had any sort of normal routine. Every nap time or bedtime was a fight. Getting my toddlers to try new foods was a fight. Jordan welcomed new foods as he had only had formula for the previous 8 months. It took us 3 days just to get Brennan to put a green bean in his mouth.
The children had never been in daycare before, so all of us were sick during the first 6 months of daycare. They caught every virus that came around the bend. Then they brought it home to us. Multiple stomach viruses, the flu, various colds, even one case of pink eye. At one point Jordan had a terrible cough that we just couldn't get rid of. He had to have breathing treatments multiple times a day for about a week. After having multiple colds and the flu, I ended up with pneumonia and spent 3 days in the hospital. My poor hubby was left to care for all 3 kids on his own. He also had to have my 16.5-year old poodle, Peppy, euthanized while I was in the hospital. It was a heartbreaking experience for both of us. I'll dedicate a whole blog post to Peppy on another occasion.
Eventually, the kids settled into a routine. We had (and still have) a lot of difficulties with Brennan. He is now 5-years old. He has severe ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), and Impulse Control Disorder (ICD). Every day is a challenge with Brennan. Some days are easier than others, but still challenging nonetheless. Brennan is a really sweet, loving child. He likes to gives hugs. He likes to laugh and play. He wants to please you, but sometimes he just can't control his behavior. It's frustrating for all of us as a family.
Brennan couldn't talk when we got him. He was about a month away from his 3rd birthday. I took him to a psychologist and we got him a speech therapist. We did flashcards every night. I made him attempt to say things before he could have it. The psychologist and speech therapist recommended that we get Brennan into pre-school. They could really help him catch up. He was very developmentally delayed due to the neglect he suffered at the hands of his biological father.
Getting Brennan signed up for school became a challenge in itself. In order to get him registered for Headstart, he had to have a physical, a hearing test, a dental exam, and a vision test. Brennan was talking a little better, but he still wasn't good at answering questions. He could say basic sentences, but his little sister could out talk him on any day. He did fine during his dental exam. We took him to his pediatricians office to do the physical, hearing, and vision tests. He wouldn't talk at all on the vision test. He was supposed to point to pictures for the hearing test and he wouldn't do that either. We took him to a local vision doctor and he wouldn't answer questions there either. We had to get him an appointment with a vision specialist. We also had to get him an appointment with a hearing specialist for children.
After Brennan saw the vision specialist, it was determined he had no problems with his vision.
Brennan was constantly sick. He constantly had a runny and/or stuffy nose. When we took him to the hearing specialist, he had so much fluid behind his eardrums that he couldn't hear well. They recommended we take him to an ENT doctor. The ENT doctor recommended he have his adenoids removed and tubes in his ears. We scheduled that surgery, which was successful.
He went back to the hearing specialist and they said his hearing was greatly improved and he had no hearing difficulties. I could tell the difference immediately following the surgery. Every little sound, Brennan would say, "What's that sound?"
All of these specialists and the surgery took months to complete. We started the process a month after he was in our home. It was almost a full year before we got all of the requirements for registration completed. We signed him up for Headstart in August 2013. At that time, they did not have any openings available for him.
In January 2014, I got a letter saying there was a spot for him at a nearby elementary school. He was really excited to start school. He still wasn't fully potty trained. He would go to the potty most of the time, but sometimes he wouldn't. He would decide that using the potty was too much of an inconvenience to his play time.
When Brennan started going to school, the full extent of his ADHD, SPD, and ICD was fully realized. Getting him to sit still long enough just to write his name was an impossibility. Getting him to comply with basic routines was an impossibility. He would also become very defiant with the teachers. At times, he would become so disruptive that I would have to go and get him from school.
Brennan was still seeing a therapist and I would tell her about the issues we were having at school. She was a nice person, but it was like she wasn't hearing me when I was telling her that I thought Brennan had ADHD. She seemed to focus mainly on his SPD. She would tell me why he did some of the things he did, but she didn't really give me any helpful suggestions on how to correct some of these behaviors. I was getting very frustrated. The teachers in Brennan's class were doing everything they could do to try and help us form strategies to help Brennan. However, Brennan's class had 2 autistic children in it. When you added Brennan to the mix, the two teachers and the classroom assistant had too many special needs children to deal with.
I went to Brennan's pediatrician to have him evaluated for ADHD. He met with a psychologist there for a few sessions for the evaluation. Even though they determined he had ADHD, they still would not give him medication.
This child literally cannot sit still or pay attention without medication. I didn't want him medicated just so he would be compliant, I wanted him to be able to do his school work. In Headstart, they don't spent huge amounts of time sitting still. They will do a lesson, then the children get to go play for a while, then they will do another, very interactive lesson, and then go play for a while. Brennan couldn't pay attention long enough to do any of the lessons.
After having many conversations with his teachers, they recommended a psychiatrist that had helped with one of the other children in his class. I made an appointment with the psychiatrist. After observing him and listening to me talk about the difficulties we were having with him at school and at home, she agreed that Brennan definitely needed medication. Although he was only 4, she was a bit confounded as to why the pediatrician wouldn't put him on any medication. She showed me in a book that Adderall is recommended for children as young as 3.
After a few days of his medications, I could see a huge difference. So could his teachers.
Brennan is very intelligent and learns quickly when he is able to pay attention. He is especially good at science and math. He enjoys learning and asks lots of questions. However, he still has a lot of issues. Because of his ICD, he does things without thinking about them. He does pretty well at school, but he still has problems sitting still on the bus. He will be riding the special needs bus beginning this week. He will have to wear a harness and be strapped in to ensure his safety on the bus. The mornings and the evenings are the most difficult times for Brennan.
Brennan requires many verbal and visual queues to stay on task. I'll have to say no fewer than ten times every morning, "Brennan, put your clothes on." It's enough to drive a person crazy. Around 5:30 pm is when his ADHD medication seems to wear off. The children eat dinner at 6 pm and before we have dinner, they are required to put all of their toys away. This is when we begin the "Brennan, put your toys away." game. It's no fun for Mommy, let me tell you. He will start picking up toys, then he will start playing with the toys and forget what he is supposed to be doing.
Brennan gets easily over-stimulated if there is a lot of activity going on around him. Once he is wound up, it is really difficult to get him back down.
Brennan also has a tendency to destroy things. Before we got the children, we had painted the bedroom a nice, happy, yellow color. Near Brennan's bed, he peeled all of the paint off the walls. He was constantly ripping holes in the knees of his pajamas and pants. He also pulls strings out of his socks and blankets. Eventually, I have to throw them away. He has a fascination with the window blinds in his bedroom. The shade is a darkening, roll-up style shade. He has pulled it off the roller multiple times. He has ripped a hole in the blinds and then he likes to play with the single spot of sunlight during his nap time. He has ripped all of the stitching out of the bottom of the blind.
You can lecture, punish, reward for good behavior, or try ignoring these behaviors. It doesn't matter. I have tried everything I know to do and he still does many of these things. It's just part of who he is. I've read up on SPD, and they believe it can be a result of drug abuse by the mother, which is true in Brennan's case.
Brennan speaks fairly well now, but he still has problems with dropping consonants off the beginning of words. For instance, instead of costume, he says "ostume" and instead of needs he says "eeds." They are in the process of re-evaluating his speech at school to determine if he will need to receive additional speech therapy. My daughter (4) and my other son (3) speak much more clearly than Brennan. He's still trying to catch up for 3 years of neglect. My daughter and younger son had less time in that negative environment. Summer and Jordan are developing normally and don't seem to have any lingering issues from the biological mother's drug abuse or the neglectful atmosphere of the biological father.
I can't be sure how much Brennan and Summer even remember about their biological father. Brennan couldn't speak, so he didn't have the language skills to even talk about what he experienced. Summer was speaking, but it was limited. She was only 19-months old. Jordan was still a baby and he only spent 1 month in his biological father's home. In the beginning, the children never asked for their father. They never cried for him. When they had a supervised visit with him after not seeing him for almost a year, they didn't even seem to recognize him. They didn't want to go in the room with him and the social worker. I had to coax them in the room with toys. After the visit, Brennan asked me, "Mommy, do we have the see that guy again?" I told him I didn't know. Fortunately, they never had another visit. None of the kids ever asked about "that guy" again.
I don't want to seem like I'm whining about having a special needs child. I love Brennan very much. He is my son. However, raising a child with special needs is never easy. It can be so stressful and frustrating at times. My best friend has a daughter that has Oppositional Defiance Disorder along with some anxiety issues. We use one another as a sounding board to talk about the difficulties we have with our children. People who don't have children with special needs just don't understand. Every day is a struggle. Some days I feel like all I do is correct Brennan. I often feel like Summer and Jordan may not be getting as much attention as Brennan. I also feel like too much of the attention I give Brennan is negative. It is a balancing act to have a child with special needs. I want my children to grow up in a positive environment. I also want them to have structure, be polite, and respect others.
I'm very blessed to have these children in my life. I know that God wanted my husband and I to be the parents of these children. He has entrusted me with loving them and caring for them and I take this job very seriously. I'm not a perfect mother, but no mother is. The most important thing is my children know I love them. I tell them every day. No matter what else happens, they will know they are loved.
The children had never been in daycare before, so all of us were sick during the first 6 months of daycare. They caught every virus that came around the bend. Then they brought it home to us. Multiple stomach viruses, the flu, various colds, even one case of pink eye. At one point Jordan had a terrible cough that we just couldn't get rid of. He had to have breathing treatments multiple times a day for about a week. After having multiple colds and the flu, I ended up with pneumonia and spent 3 days in the hospital. My poor hubby was left to care for all 3 kids on his own. He also had to have my 16.5-year old poodle, Peppy, euthanized while I was in the hospital. It was a heartbreaking experience for both of us. I'll dedicate a whole blog post to Peppy on another occasion.
Eventually, the kids settled into a routine. We had (and still have) a lot of difficulties with Brennan. He is now 5-years old. He has severe ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), and Impulse Control Disorder (ICD). Every day is a challenge with Brennan. Some days are easier than others, but still challenging nonetheless. Brennan is a really sweet, loving child. He likes to gives hugs. He likes to laugh and play. He wants to please you, but sometimes he just can't control his behavior. It's frustrating for all of us as a family.
Brennan couldn't talk when we got him. He was about a month away from his 3rd birthday. I took him to a psychologist and we got him a speech therapist. We did flashcards every night. I made him attempt to say things before he could have it. The psychologist and speech therapist recommended that we get Brennan into pre-school. They could really help him catch up. He was very developmentally delayed due to the neglect he suffered at the hands of his biological father.
Getting Brennan signed up for school became a challenge in itself. In order to get him registered for Headstart, he had to have a physical, a hearing test, a dental exam, and a vision test. Brennan was talking a little better, but he still wasn't good at answering questions. He could say basic sentences, but his little sister could out talk him on any day. He did fine during his dental exam. We took him to his pediatricians office to do the physical, hearing, and vision tests. He wouldn't talk at all on the vision test. He was supposed to point to pictures for the hearing test and he wouldn't do that either. We took him to a local vision doctor and he wouldn't answer questions there either. We had to get him an appointment with a vision specialist. We also had to get him an appointment with a hearing specialist for children.
After Brennan saw the vision specialist, it was determined he had no problems with his vision.
Brennan was constantly sick. He constantly had a runny and/or stuffy nose. When we took him to the hearing specialist, he had so much fluid behind his eardrums that he couldn't hear well. They recommended we take him to an ENT doctor. The ENT doctor recommended he have his adenoids removed and tubes in his ears. We scheduled that surgery, which was successful.
He went back to the hearing specialist and they said his hearing was greatly improved and he had no hearing difficulties. I could tell the difference immediately following the surgery. Every little sound, Brennan would say, "What's that sound?"
All of these specialists and the surgery took months to complete. We started the process a month after he was in our home. It was almost a full year before we got all of the requirements for registration completed. We signed him up for Headstart in August 2013. At that time, they did not have any openings available for him.
In January 2014, I got a letter saying there was a spot for him at a nearby elementary school. He was really excited to start school. He still wasn't fully potty trained. He would go to the potty most of the time, but sometimes he wouldn't. He would decide that using the potty was too much of an inconvenience to his play time.
When Brennan started going to school, the full extent of his ADHD, SPD, and ICD was fully realized. Getting him to sit still long enough just to write his name was an impossibility. Getting him to comply with basic routines was an impossibility. He would also become very defiant with the teachers. At times, he would become so disruptive that I would have to go and get him from school.
Brennan was still seeing a therapist and I would tell her about the issues we were having at school. She was a nice person, but it was like she wasn't hearing me when I was telling her that I thought Brennan had ADHD. She seemed to focus mainly on his SPD. She would tell me why he did some of the things he did, but she didn't really give me any helpful suggestions on how to correct some of these behaviors. I was getting very frustrated. The teachers in Brennan's class were doing everything they could do to try and help us form strategies to help Brennan. However, Brennan's class had 2 autistic children in it. When you added Brennan to the mix, the two teachers and the classroom assistant had too many special needs children to deal with.
I went to Brennan's pediatrician to have him evaluated for ADHD. He met with a psychologist there for a few sessions for the evaluation. Even though they determined he had ADHD, they still would not give him medication.
This child literally cannot sit still or pay attention without medication. I didn't want him medicated just so he would be compliant, I wanted him to be able to do his school work. In Headstart, they don't spent huge amounts of time sitting still. They will do a lesson, then the children get to go play for a while, then they will do another, very interactive lesson, and then go play for a while. Brennan couldn't pay attention long enough to do any of the lessons.
After having many conversations with his teachers, they recommended a psychiatrist that had helped with one of the other children in his class. I made an appointment with the psychiatrist. After observing him and listening to me talk about the difficulties we were having with him at school and at home, she agreed that Brennan definitely needed medication. Although he was only 4, she was a bit confounded as to why the pediatrician wouldn't put him on any medication. She showed me in a book that Adderall is recommended for children as young as 3.
After a few days of his medications, I could see a huge difference. So could his teachers.
Brennan is very intelligent and learns quickly when he is able to pay attention. He is especially good at science and math. He enjoys learning and asks lots of questions. However, he still has a lot of issues. Because of his ICD, he does things without thinking about them. He does pretty well at school, but he still has problems sitting still on the bus. He will be riding the special needs bus beginning this week. He will have to wear a harness and be strapped in to ensure his safety on the bus. The mornings and the evenings are the most difficult times for Brennan.
Brennan requires many verbal and visual queues to stay on task. I'll have to say no fewer than ten times every morning, "Brennan, put your clothes on." It's enough to drive a person crazy. Around 5:30 pm is when his ADHD medication seems to wear off. The children eat dinner at 6 pm and before we have dinner, they are required to put all of their toys away. This is when we begin the "Brennan, put your toys away." game. It's no fun for Mommy, let me tell you. He will start picking up toys, then he will start playing with the toys and forget what he is supposed to be doing.
Brennan gets easily over-stimulated if there is a lot of activity going on around him. Once he is wound up, it is really difficult to get him back down.
Brennan also has a tendency to destroy things. Before we got the children, we had painted the bedroom a nice, happy, yellow color. Near Brennan's bed, he peeled all of the paint off the walls. He was constantly ripping holes in the knees of his pajamas and pants. He also pulls strings out of his socks and blankets. Eventually, I have to throw them away. He has a fascination with the window blinds in his bedroom. The shade is a darkening, roll-up style shade. He has pulled it off the roller multiple times. He has ripped a hole in the blinds and then he likes to play with the single spot of sunlight during his nap time. He has ripped all of the stitching out of the bottom of the blind.
You can lecture, punish, reward for good behavior, or try ignoring these behaviors. It doesn't matter. I have tried everything I know to do and he still does many of these things. It's just part of who he is. I've read up on SPD, and they believe it can be a result of drug abuse by the mother, which is true in Brennan's case.
Brennan speaks fairly well now, but he still has problems with dropping consonants off the beginning of words. For instance, instead of costume, he says "ostume" and instead of needs he says "eeds." They are in the process of re-evaluating his speech at school to determine if he will need to receive additional speech therapy. My daughter (4) and my other son (3) speak much more clearly than Brennan. He's still trying to catch up for 3 years of neglect. My daughter and younger son had less time in that negative environment. Summer and Jordan are developing normally and don't seem to have any lingering issues from the biological mother's drug abuse or the neglectful atmosphere of the biological father.
I can't be sure how much Brennan and Summer even remember about their biological father. Brennan couldn't speak, so he didn't have the language skills to even talk about what he experienced. Summer was speaking, but it was limited. She was only 19-months old. Jordan was still a baby and he only spent 1 month in his biological father's home. In the beginning, the children never asked for their father. They never cried for him. When they had a supervised visit with him after not seeing him for almost a year, they didn't even seem to recognize him. They didn't want to go in the room with him and the social worker. I had to coax them in the room with toys. After the visit, Brennan asked me, "Mommy, do we have the see that guy again?" I told him I didn't know. Fortunately, they never had another visit. None of the kids ever asked about "that guy" again.
I don't want to seem like I'm whining about having a special needs child. I love Brennan very much. He is my son. However, raising a child with special needs is never easy. It can be so stressful and frustrating at times. My best friend has a daughter that has Oppositional Defiance Disorder along with some anxiety issues. We use one another as a sounding board to talk about the difficulties we have with our children. People who don't have children with special needs just don't understand. Every day is a struggle. Some days I feel like all I do is correct Brennan. I often feel like Summer and Jordan may not be getting as much attention as Brennan. I also feel like too much of the attention I give Brennan is negative. It is a balancing act to have a child with special needs. I want my children to grow up in a positive environment. I also want them to have structure, be polite, and respect others.
I'm very blessed to have these children in my life. I know that God wanted my husband and I to be the parents of these children. He has entrusted me with loving them and caring for them and I take this job very seriously. I'm not a perfect mother, but no mother is. The most important thing is my children know I love them. I tell them every day. No matter what else happens, they will know they are loved.
Summer (4), Jordan (3), and Brennan (5)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)