When I was 11-years old and started going through puberty I also got acne. It's pretty normal. Almost all teenagers deal with acne. My acne wasn't severe, just annoying. My periods were always irregular. When I was 14, my mother took me to a gynecologist to find out about my irregular periods. Unfortunately, she took me to her MALE gynecologist. I was completely traumatized. My mother didn't really consider how it might affect me to have some strange man touching my lady parts. She had almost always been to male gynecologists and it never bothered her. My aunt was the gynecologist's medical assistant and I think she thought that would make me more comfortable. That wasn't the case. Not only did I have some strange man looking at my hoo-ha, but my aunt could see me too. I had mentioned to my mother once or twice in the past that taking me to a male gynecologist was really upsetting to me. I think she thought I was just being dramatic. It wasn't until a few years ago that I was like, no really Mom. I felt completely violated and I cried in my room the rest of the day. She apologized. I forgave her. We live and we learn.
A word of advice to all mothers of teenage daughters, please take your daughter to a FEMALE gynecologist for their first time. Going to the gynecologist is awkward enough without the additional trauma of having a man touching your private parts.
The gynecologist said it was normal for overweight people to have irregular periods and said they would probably regulate themselves as I got older. He was wrong.
When I was 18, my gynecologist (now a female) put me on Ortho Tri-Cyclen to help regulate my periods. A side effect of that birth control was that it gave me beautiful skin. Another side effect was that it made my hair fall out in handfuls. I think I'd rather have hair and deal with zits than lose my hair and have great skin. Hair loss is a very unusual side effect of birth control. My mother had the same problem when she took birth control. She lost a great deal of her hair while taking birth control. Her hair never thickened out after she quit birth control. Neither did mine. It's such a rare side effect, that it isn't even listed as a possible side effect on the inserts in most birth control pills. After losing way too much hair, I quit taking birth control. I decided I would rather have irregular periods and acne than lose all of my hair. Bald isn't a good look for me.
When I was 25, something weird started happening to me. I started getting a lot of acne on my neck and chin. I would get an occasional zit, but this was a full break out. I would try to cover it with makeup, but that never really works. I was really embarrassed by my skin. It's bad enough being fat, but then you add thin hair and zits, and your self-esteem gets completely obliterated. I tried all of the traditional store-bought acne remedies and none of them worked. Most of them made my breakouts worse.
When I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2001, my endocrinologist prescribed an acne medication for me. It helped prevent a lot of the breakouts, but you weren't supposed to take it if you were trying to get pregnant. I used it for a few months, but my desire to have a baby was greater than my desire to not have zits, so I quit using it.
In the last few years, my breakouts have lessened in severity. However, last month I had a horrendous breakout. Lots of really big zits on my neck and lower jaw (by the way, when you have breakouts like this, they are hormone related). I felt like I was a teenager again. I was so embarrassed by my skin.
PCOS is a real pain in the you-know-what some days. There is nothing like being a wife, a mother, and being almost 40-years old and having skin like you are 15-years old (and not in a good way). I haven't found any over-the-counter remedies that prevent the breakouts. However, I have found that if I have a bad breakout, if I steam my skin, wash it with hot water and soap, and then clean it with rubbing alcohol, it will help dry up the zits and help my skin clear up more quickly.
The really annoying thing is I take really good care of my skin. I clean it with Oil-of-Olay Daily Facials and I always put Oil-of-Olay Moisturizer on my face and neck. I'll be 40-years old in May and I don't have any wrinkles (not even crows feet around my eyes).
I still have acne though.
PCOS Awareness
Friday, February 27, 2015
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Things Kids Say
Parenting is always an adventure. Some days are great, and some days you want to pull your hair out. However, there is rarely a day that goes by when one of my children doesn't say or do something funny or heart warming. I've been compiling a list of my Facebook posts regarding funny or sweet things my kids have said or done. Here are some of my favorites.
12/13/2014
Jordan was learning to talk and he could already say, Mama, Dada, dog, bath, bear, and of course the go-to word, NO. He said his first sentence at bedtime tonight:
"Mama, no bed!" I was so excited that I didn't even mind that he was giving me a hard time.
8/29/2013
Jordan had a really bad cough and the doctor wouldn't give him anything for it. I was running a steam shower for him in the bathroom. Brennan came in to use the bathroom. It was really steamy and I watch him start rubbing his eyes and squinting. Finally, he says, "Mommy, there's something wrong with my eyes. I can't see." Then he tried wiping his eyeball with his hand.
10/4/2013
We had Brennan's 4th Birthday Party today. He had so much fun. As I was putting him to bed, he said, "Thank you Mommy, for my Happy Birthday party."
11/10/2013
We were taking the kids to the zoo and they were all so excited. Brennan says to Daddy, "We're going to see the animals and the assholegators!"
I think he needs a little more speech therapy.
12/8/2013
I put up the Christmas Tree today and every time Jordan looks at the tree he says, "Thank you, Mommy!"
That kid melts my heart.
10/10/2014
I'm getting ready to get in the shower and I hear Jordan singing on the baby monitor, "I'm having a bad, bad day. It's about time things go my way."
This kid is all about "Despicable Me" and the Minions.
1/9/2015
Jordan peed on the potty again this morning. And when I say, "on the potty", I mean no where near the actual bowl. He peed on the seat and the toilet lid. At one point he actually asked me to help him hold is pee-pee because he couldn't do it right. I told him he had to do it himself. The joys of potty training.
2/11/2015
We're watching "Bambi" and his mother was just shot by the hunter.
Jordan says, "Aww, he's sad." And then he goes back to playing. Meanwhile, Mommy is sitting here tearing up.
2/16/2015
My kids want to go play in the snow so badly. I'm really sick and want no part of being outside.
Jordan says, "Let's go play in the snow."
I reply, "I'm sorry, baby. Mommy is sick today and I can't go outside."
Jordan says, "Open your mouth." I oblige. He says, "Your mouth isn't broken so you're not sick. Let's go outside."
2/26/2015
Brennan has to ride a Special Needs bus because he is unable to stay in his seat due to his ADHD. This morning, while waiting for the bus in the warm car, Summer would not stay seated. She would not listen to Daddy at all.
Brennan looked at Daddy and said, "Maybe Summer needs to take the Special Bus too?"
While Potty-Training Brennan
Brennan is in the bathroom sitting on the potty. I'm getting Jordan changed for bed. Brennan yells from the bathroom, "Mommy, I can't pee!"
I reply, "Why not?"
Brennan says, "My pee-pee is too big!"
I respond, "Stop playing with it!" I had no idea little boys thought their penises are toys at such a young age. I thought that only happened beginning at puberty. LOL
Jordan Being Jordan
If Jordan is speaking to a specific parent and you try to answer on their behalf, Jordan will ALWAYS say, "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to _____!" It's funny and cute right now, but eventually I'll have to start to reprimand him for talking to us that way. LOL
I'm sure you have noticed that my daughter is not responsible for any of these funny sayings. She doesn't say too many of these gems. She really hasn't developed a sense of humor yet. I hope that comes in time. She has her own gifts though. She likes to "mother" my youngest, Jordan. She is also very bossy. I think she gets that from me. LOL
Kids also do really funny things. I don't always think it's funny at the time, but eventually it becomes amusing.
12/13/2014
Jordan was learning to talk and he could already say, Mama, Dada, dog, bath, bear, and of course the go-to word, NO. He said his first sentence at bedtime tonight:
"Mama, no bed!" I was so excited that I didn't even mind that he was giving me a hard time.
8/29/2013
Jordan had a really bad cough and the doctor wouldn't give him anything for it. I was running a steam shower for him in the bathroom. Brennan came in to use the bathroom. It was really steamy and I watch him start rubbing his eyes and squinting. Finally, he says, "Mommy, there's something wrong with my eyes. I can't see." Then he tried wiping his eyeball with his hand.
10/4/2013
We had Brennan's 4th Birthday Party today. He had so much fun. As I was putting him to bed, he said, "Thank you Mommy, for my Happy Birthday party."
11/10/2013
We were taking the kids to the zoo and they were all so excited. Brennan says to Daddy, "We're going to see the animals and the assholegators!"
I think he needs a little more speech therapy.
12/8/2013
I put up the Christmas Tree today and every time Jordan looks at the tree he says, "Thank you, Mommy!"
That kid melts my heart.
10/10/2014
I'm getting ready to get in the shower and I hear Jordan singing on the baby monitor, "I'm having a bad, bad day. It's about time things go my way."
This kid is all about "Despicable Me" and the Minions.
1/9/2015
Jordan peed on the potty again this morning. And when I say, "on the potty", I mean no where near the actual bowl. He peed on the seat and the toilet lid. At one point he actually asked me to help him hold is pee-pee because he couldn't do it right. I told him he had to do it himself. The joys of potty training.
2/11/2015
We're watching "Bambi" and his mother was just shot by the hunter.
Jordan says, "Aww, he's sad." And then he goes back to playing. Meanwhile, Mommy is sitting here tearing up.
2/16/2015
My kids want to go play in the snow so badly. I'm really sick and want no part of being outside.
Jordan says, "Let's go play in the snow."
I reply, "I'm sorry, baby. Mommy is sick today and I can't go outside."
Jordan says, "Open your mouth." I oblige. He says, "Your mouth isn't broken so you're not sick. Let's go outside."
2/26/2015
Brennan has to ride a Special Needs bus because he is unable to stay in his seat due to his ADHD. This morning, while waiting for the bus in the warm car, Summer would not stay seated. She would not listen to Daddy at all.
Brennan looked at Daddy and said, "Maybe Summer needs to take the Special Bus too?"
While Potty-Training Brennan
Brennan is in the bathroom sitting on the potty. I'm getting Jordan changed for bed. Brennan yells from the bathroom, "Mommy, I can't pee!"
I reply, "Why not?"
Brennan says, "My pee-pee is too big!"
I respond, "Stop playing with it!" I had no idea little boys thought their penises are toys at such a young age. I thought that only happened beginning at puberty. LOL
Jordan Being Jordan
If Jordan is speaking to a specific parent and you try to answer on their behalf, Jordan will ALWAYS say, "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to _____!" It's funny and cute right now, but eventually I'll have to start to reprimand him for talking to us that way. LOL
I'm sure you have noticed that my daughter is not responsible for any of these funny sayings. She doesn't say too many of these gems. She really hasn't developed a sense of humor yet. I hope that comes in time. She has her own gifts though. She likes to "mother" my youngest, Jordan. She is also very bossy. I think she gets that from me. LOL
Kids also do really funny things. I don't always think it's funny at the time, but eventually it becomes amusing.
The night the kids opened an entire box of Band-Aids while playing in their room.
The night Brennan decided to "hide" his toys in the toilet instead of putting them away.
The kids playing in the dirt on July 4th.
The day Jordan played in the muddy lake water.
The day Brennan "caught" a dead fish in the lake.
The day Summer refused to take a normal picture.
The day Daddy dressed Jordan for church.
Being a mother isn't easy, but it is such a blessing. I cherish these funny things they say and do. They grow up so fast. If you blink, you'll miss it. I don't want to miss any of it. I waited 12 years to become a mother.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Raising A Special Needs Child
There are lots of challenges for new moms. It was especially a challenge for me. I had a baby and 2 toddlers to care for. All 3 of them were in diapers. I don't think the children had ever had any sort of normal routine. Every nap time or bedtime was a fight. Getting my toddlers to try new foods was a fight. Jordan welcomed new foods as he had only had formula for the previous 8 months. It took us 3 days just to get Brennan to put a green bean in his mouth.
The children had never been in daycare before, so all of us were sick during the first 6 months of daycare. They caught every virus that came around the bend. Then they brought it home to us. Multiple stomach viruses, the flu, various colds, even one case of pink eye. At one point Jordan had a terrible cough that we just couldn't get rid of. He had to have breathing treatments multiple times a day for about a week. After having multiple colds and the flu, I ended up with pneumonia and spent 3 days in the hospital. My poor hubby was left to care for all 3 kids on his own. He also had to have my 16.5-year old poodle, Peppy, euthanized while I was in the hospital. It was a heartbreaking experience for both of us. I'll dedicate a whole blog post to Peppy on another occasion.
Eventually, the kids settled into a routine. We had (and still have) a lot of difficulties with Brennan. He is now 5-years old. He has severe ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), and Impulse Control Disorder (ICD). Every day is a challenge with Brennan. Some days are easier than others, but still challenging nonetheless. Brennan is a really sweet, loving child. He likes to gives hugs. He likes to laugh and play. He wants to please you, but sometimes he just can't control his behavior. It's frustrating for all of us as a family.
Brennan couldn't talk when we got him. He was about a month away from his 3rd birthday. I took him to a psychologist and we got him a speech therapist. We did flashcards every night. I made him attempt to say things before he could have it. The psychologist and speech therapist recommended that we get Brennan into pre-school. They could really help him catch up. He was very developmentally delayed due to the neglect he suffered at the hands of his biological father.
Getting Brennan signed up for school became a challenge in itself. In order to get him registered for Headstart, he had to have a physical, a hearing test, a dental exam, and a vision test. Brennan was talking a little better, but he still wasn't good at answering questions. He could say basic sentences, but his little sister could out talk him on any day. He did fine during his dental exam. We took him to his pediatricians office to do the physical, hearing, and vision tests. He wouldn't talk at all on the vision test. He was supposed to point to pictures for the hearing test and he wouldn't do that either. We took him to a local vision doctor and he wouldn't answer questions there either. We had to get him an appointment with a vision specialist. We also had to get him an appointment with a hearing specialist for children.
After Brennan saw the vision specialist, it was determined he had no problems with his vision.
Brennan was constantly sick. He constantly had a runny and/or stuffy nose. When we took him to the hearing specialist, he had so much fluid behind his eardrums that he couldn't hear well. They recommended we take him to an ENT doctor. The ENT doctor recommended he have his adenoids removed and tubes in his ears. We scheduled that surgery, which was successful.
He went back to the hearing specialist and they said his hearing was greatly improved and he had no hearing difficulties. I could tell the difference immediately following the surgery. Every little sound, Brennan would say, "What's that sound?"
All of these specialists and the surgery took months to complete. We started the process a month after he was in our home. It was almost a full year before we got all of the requirements for registration completed. We signed him up for Headstart in August 2013. At that time, they did not have any openings available for him.
In January 2014, I got a letter saying there was a spot for him at a nearby elementary school. He was really excited to start school. He still wasn't fully potty trained. He would go to the potty most of the time, but sometimes he wouldn't. He would decide that using the potty was too much of an inconvenience to his play time.
When Brennan started going to school, the full extent of his ADHD, SPD, and ICD was fully realized. Getting him to sit still long enough just to write his name was an impossibility. Getting him to comply with basic routines was an impossibility. He would also become very defiant with the teachers. At times, he would become so disruptive that I would have to go and get him from school.
Brennan was still seeing a therapist and I would tell her about the issues we were having at school. She was a nice person, but it was like she wasn't hearing me when I was telling her that I thought Brennan had ADHD. She seemed to focus mainly on his SPD. She would tell me why he did some of the things he did, but she didn't really give me any helpful suggestions on how to correct some of these behaviors. I was getting very frustrated. The teachers in Brennan's class were doing everything they could do to try and help us form strategies to help Brennan. However, Brennan's class had 2 autistic children in it. When you added Brennan to the mix, the two teachers and the classroom assistant had too many special needs children to deal with.
I went to Brennan's pediatrician to have him evaluated for ADHD. He met with a psychologist there for a few sessions for the evaluation. Even though they determined he had ADHD, they still would not give him medication.
This child literally cannot sit still or pay attention without medication. I didn't want him medicated just so he would be compliant, I wanted him to be able to do his school work. In Headstart, they don't spent huge amounts of time sitting still. They will do a lesson, then the children get to go play for a while, then they will do another, very interactive lesson, and then go play for a while. Brennan couldn't pay attention long enough to do any of the lessons.
After having many conversations with his teachers, they recommended a psychiatrist that had helped with one of the other children in his class. I made an appointment with the psychiatrist. After observing him and listening to me talk about the difficulties we were having with him at school and at home, she agreed that Brennan definitely needed medication. Although he was only 4, she was a bit confounded as to why the pediatrician wouldn't put him on any medication. She showed me in a book that Adderall is recommended for children as young as 3.
After a few days of his medications, I could see a huge difference. So could his teachers.
Brennan is very intelligent and learns quickly when he is able to pay attention. He is especially good at science and math. He enjoys learning and asks lots of questions. However, he still has a lot of issues. Because of his ICD, he does things without thinking about them. He does pretty well at school, but he still has problems sitting still on the bus. He will be riding the special needs bus beginning this week. He will have to wear a harness and be strapped in to ensure his safety on the bus. The mornings and the evenings are the most difficult times for Brennan.
Brennan requires many verbal and visual queues to stay on task. I'll have to say no fewer than ten times every morning, "Brennan, put your clothes on." It's enough to drive a person crazy. Around 5:30 pm is when his ADHD medication seems to wear off. The children eat dinner at 6 pm and before we have dinner, they are required to put all of their toys away. This is when we begin the "Brennan, put your toys away." game. It's no fun for Mommy, let me tell you. He will start picking up toys, then he will start playing with the toys and forget what he is supposed to be doing.
Brennan gets easily over-stimulated if there is a lot of activity going on around him. Once he is wound up, it is really difficult to get him back down.
Brennan also has a tendency to destroy things. Before we got the children, we had painted the bedroom a nice, happy, yellow color. Near Brennan's bed, he peeled all of the paint off the walls. He was constantly ripping holes in the knees of his pajamas and pants. He also pulls strings out of his socks and blankets. Eventually, I have to throw them away. He has a fascination with the window blinds in his bedroom. The shade is a darkening, roll-up style shade. He has pulled it off the roller multiple times. He has ripped a hole in the blinds and then he likes to play with the single spot of sunlight during his nap time. He has ripped all of the stitching out of the bottom of the blind.
You can lecture, punish, reward for good behavior, or try ignoring these behaviors. It doesn't matter. I have tried everything I know to do and he still does many of these things. It's just part of who he is. I've read up on SPD, and they believe it can be a result of drug abuse by the mother, which is true in Brennan's case.
Brennan speaks fairly well now, but he still has problems with dropping consonants off the beginning of words. For instance, instead of costume, he says "ostume" and instead of needs he says "eeds." They are in the process of re-evaluating his speech at school to determine if he will need to receive additional speech therapy. My daughter (4) and my other son (3) speak much more clearly than Brennan. He's still trying to catch up for 3 years of neglect. My daughter and younger son had less time in that negative environment. Summer and Jordan are developing normally and don't seem to have any lingering issues from the biological mother's drug abuse or the neglectful atmosphere of the biological father.
I can't be sure how much Brennan and Summer even remember about their biological father. Brennan couldn't speak, so he didn't have the language skills to even talk about what he experienced. Summer was speaking, but it was limited. She was only 19-months old. Jordan was still a baby and he only spent 1 month in his biological father's home. In the beginning, the children never asked for their father. They never cried for him. When they had a supervised visit with him after not seeing him for almost a year, they didn't even seem to recognize him. They didn't want to go in the room with him and the social worker. I had to coax them in the room with toys. After the visit, Brennan asked me, "Mommy, do we have the see that guy again?" I told him I didn't know. Fortunately, they never had another visit. None of the kids ever asked about "that guy" again.
I don't want to seem like I'm whining about having a special needs child. I love Brennan very much. He is my son. However, raising a child with special needs is never easy. It can be so stressful and frustrating at times. My best friend has a daughter that has Oppositional Defiance Disorder along with some anxiety issues. We use one another as a sounding board to talk about the difficulties we have with our children. People who don't have children with special needs just don't understand. Every day is a struggle. Some days I feel like all I do is correct Brennan. I often feel like Summer and Jordan may not be getting as much attention as Brennan. I also feel like too much of the attention I give Brennan is negative. It is a balancing act to have a child with special needs. I want my children to grow up in a positive environment. I also want them to have structure, be polite, and respect others.
I'm very blessed to have these children in my life. I know that God wanted my husband and I to be the parents of these children. He has entrusted me with loving them and caring for them and I take this job very seriously. I'm not a perfect mother, but no mother is. The most important thing is my children know I love them. I tell them every day. No matter what else happens, they will know they are loved.
The children had never been in daycare before, so all of us were sick during the first 6 months of daycare. They caught every virus that came around the bend. Then they brought it home to us. Multiple stomach viruses, the flu, various colds, even one case of pink eye. At one point Jordan had a terrible cough that we just couldn't get rid of. He had to have breathing treatments multiple times a day for about a week. After having multiple colds and the flu, I ended up with pneumonia and spent 3 days in the hospital. My poor hubby was left to care for all 3 kids on his own. He also had to have my 16.5-year old poodle, Peppy, euthanized while I was in the hospital. It was a heartbreaking experience for both of us. I'll dedicate a whole blog post to Peppy on another occasion.
Eventually, the kids settled into a routine. We had (and still have) a lot of difficulties with Brennan. He is now 5-years old. He has severe ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), and Impulse Control Disorder (ICD). Every day is a challenge with Brennan. Some days are easier than others, but still challenging nonetheless. Brennan is a really sweet, loving child. He likes to gives hugs. He likes to laugh and play. He wants to please you, but sometimes he just can't control his behavior. It's frustrating for all of us as a family.
Brennan couldn't talk when we got him. He was about a month away from his 3rd birthday. I took him to a psychologist and we got him a speech therapist. We did flashcards every night. I made him attempt to say things before he could have it. The psychologist and speech therapist recommended that we get Brennan into pre-school. They could really help him catch up. He was very developmentally delayed due to the neglect he suffered at the hands of his biological father.
Getting Brennan signed up for school became a challenge in itself. In order to get him registered for Headstart, he had to have a physical, a hearing test, a dental exam, and a vision test. Brennan was talking a little better, but he still wasn't good at answering questions. He could say basic sentences, but his little sister could out talk him on any day. He did fine during his dental exam. We took him to his pediatricians office to do the physical, hearing, and vision tests. He wouldn't talk at all on the vision test. He was supposed to point to pictures for the hearing test and he wouldn't do that either. We took him to a local vision doctor and he wouldn't answer questions there either. We had to get him an appointment with a vision specialist. We also had to get him an appointment with a hearing specialist for children.
After Brennan saw the vision specialist, it was determined he had no problems with his vision.
Brennan was constantly sick. He constantly had a runny and/or stuffy nose. When we took him to the hearing specialist, he had so much fluid behind his eardrums that he couldn't hear well. They recommended we take him to an ENT doctor. The ENT doctor recommended he have his adenoids removed and tubes in his ears. We scheduled that surgery, which was successful.
He went back to the hearing specialist and they said his hearing was greatly improved and he had no hearing difficulties. I could tell the difference immediately following the surgery. Every little sound, Brennan would say, "What's that sound?"
All of these specialists and the surgery took months to complete. We started the process a month after he was in our home. It was almost a full year before we got all of the requirements for registration completed. We signed him up for Headstart in August 2013. At that time, they did not have any openings available for him.
In January 2014, I got a letter saying there was a spot for him at a nearby elementary school. He was really excited to start school. He still wasn't fully potty trained. He would go to the potty most of the time, but sometimes he wouldn't. He would decide that using the potty was too much of an inconvenience to his play time.
When Brennan started going to school, the full extent of his ADHD, SPD, and ICD was fully realized. Getting him to sit still long enough just to write his name was an impossibility. Getting him to comply with basic routines was an impossibility. He would also become very defiant with the teachers. At times, he would become so disruptive that I would have to go and get him from school.
Brennan was still seeing a therapist and I would tell her about the issues we were having at school. She was a nice person, but it was like she wasn't hearing me when I was telling her that I thought Brennan had ADHD. She seemed to focus mainly on his SPD. She would tell me why he did some of the things he did, but she didn't really give me any helpful suggestions on how to correct some of these behaviors. I was getting very frustrated. The teachers in Brennan's class were doing everything they could do to try and help us form strategies to help Brennan. However, Brennan's class had 2 autistic children in it. When you added Brennan to the mix, the two teachers and the classroom assistant had too many special needs children to deal with.
I went to Brennan's pediatrician to have him evaluated for ADHD. He met with a psychologist there for a few sessions for the evaluation. Even though they determined he had ADHD, they still would not give him medication.
This child literally cannot sit still or pay attention without medication. I didn't want him medicated just so he would be compliant, I wanted him to be able to do his school work. In Headstart, they don't spent huge amounts of time sitting still. They will do a lesson, then the children get to go play for a while, then they will do another, very interactive lesson, and then go play for a while. Brennan couldn't pay attention long enough to do any of the lessons.
After having many conversations with his teachers, they recommended a psychiatrist that had helped with one of the other children in his class. I made an appointment with the psychiatrist. After observing him and listening to me talk about the difficulties we were having with him at school and at home, she agreed that Brennan definitely needed medication. Although he was only 4, she was a bit confounded as to why the pediatrician wouldn't put him on any medication. She showed me in a book that Adderall is recommended for children as young as 3.
After a few days of his medications, I could see a huge difference. So could his teachers.
Brennan is very intelligent and learns quickly when he is able to pay attention. He is especially good at science and math. He enjoys learning and asks lots of questions. However, he still has a lot of issues. Because of his ICD, he does things without thinking about them. He does pretty well at school, but he still has problems sitting still on the bus. He will be riding the special needs bus beginning this week. He will have to wear a harness and be strapped in to ensure his safety on the bus. The mornings and the evenings are the most difficult times for Brennan.
Brennan requires many verbal and visual queues to stay on task. I'll have to say no fewer than ten times every morning, "Brennan, put your clothes on." It's enough to drive a person crazy. Around 5:30 pm is when his ADHD medication seems to wear off. The children eat dinner at 6 pm and before we have dinner, they are required to put all of their toys away. This is when we begin the "Brennan, put your toys away." game. It's no fun for Mommy, let me tell you. He will start picking up toys, then he will start playing with the toys and forget what he is supposed to be doing.
Brennan gets easily over-stimulated if there is a lot of activity going on around him. Once he is wound up, it is really difficult to get him back down.
Brennan also has a tendency to destroy things. Before we got the children, we had painted the bedroom a nice, happy, yellow color. Near Brennan's bed, he peeled all of the paint off the walls. He was constantly ripping holes in the knees of his pajamas and pants. He also pulls strings out of his socks and blankets. Eventually, I have to throw them away. He has a fascination with the window blinds in his bedroom. The shade is a darkening, roll-up style shade. He has pulled it off the roller multiple times. He has ripped a hole in the blinds and then he likes to play with the single spot of sunlight during his nap time. He has ripped all of the stitching out of the bottom of the blind.
You can lecture, punish, reward for good behavior, or try ignoring these behaviors. It doesn't matter. I have tried everything I know to do and he still does many of these things. It's just part of who he is. I've read up on SPD, and they believe it can be a result of drug abuse by the mother, which is true in Brennan's case.
Brennan speaks fairly well now, but he still has problems with dropping consonants off the beginning of words. For instance, instead of costume, he says "ostume" and instead of needs he says "eeds." They are in the process of re-evaluating his speech at school to determine if he will need to receive additional speech therapy. My daughter (4) and my other son (3) speak much more clearly than Brennan. He's still trying to catch up for 3 years of neglect. My daughter and younger son had less time in that negative environment. Summer and Jordan are developing normally and don't seem to have any lingering issues from the biological mother's drug abuse or the neglectful atmosphere of the biological father.
I can't be sure how much Brennan and Summer even remember about their biological father. Brennan couldn't speak, so he didn't have the language skills to even talk about what he experienced. Summer was speaking, but it was limited. She was only 19-months old. Jordan was still a baby and he only spent 1 month in his biological father's home. In the beginning, the children never asked for their father. They never cried for him. When they had a supervised visit with him after not seeing him for almost a year, they didn't even seem to recognize him. They didn't want to go in the room with him and the social worker. I had to coax them in the room with toys. After the visit, Brennan asked me, "Mommy, do we have the see that guy again?" I told him I didn't know. Fortunately, they never had another visit. None of the kids ever asked about "that guy" again.
I don't want to seem like I'm whining about having a special needs child. I love Brennan very much. He is my son. However, raising a child with special needs is never easy. It can be so stressful and frustrating at times. My best friend has a daughter that has Oppositional Defiance Disorder along with some anxiety issues. We use one another as a sounding board to talk about the difficulties we have with our children. People who don't have children with special needs just don't understand. Every day is a struggle. Some days I feel like all I do is correct Brennan. I often feel like Summer and Jordan may not be getting as much attention as Brennan. I also feel like too much of the attention I give Brennan is negative. It is a balancing act to have a child with special needs. I want my children to grow up in a positive environment. I also want them to have structure, be polite, and respect others.
I'm very blessed to have these children in my life. I know that God wanted my husband and I to be the parents of these children. He has entrusted me with loving them and caring for them and I take this job very seriously. I'm not a perfect mother, but no mother is. The most important thing is my children know I love them. I tell them every day. No matter what else happens, they will know they are loved.
Summer (4), Jordan (3), and Brennan (5)
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Foster Care
Being a Foster Parent is both rewarding and challenging. Especially when you intend to adopt the children you are fostering.
We had to comply with all of the regulations required to be a foster home. They aren't too challenging and they are just designed to keep the children as safe as possible. Basic things like having a carbon monoxide and smoke detector, fire extinguishers, first aid kid, and a lock box for all medications.
Each month we would meet with two social workers. One social worker represents the children and ensures that they are in a safe home. They make sure the children are healthy and get any required medical or psychological treatments they need. The other social worker represents the foster parents. They make sure we get the things we need to help care for the children. We also had to make sure we take the required amount of training every year. Some of it was in the form of seminars and some of it was online courses.
They try to give the biological parents every opportunity to get their children back. This is a scary process for foster parents who want to adopt.
My children were not allowed to have any contact with their biological mother because they were all born with narcotics in their system. She had never made any concerted effort to get off the drugs, so we didn't worry much about her trying to get the children back. The biological father was a different story.
Summer and Brennan had been raised by the biological father. Jordan was raised in foster care until he was 7 months old, at which time he was placed in the biological father's home. When the social worker went back a month later to follow-up on Jordan, they determined none of the children should be with the biological father. That is how they ended up in my care.
The biological father was given weekly, supervised, one-hour visits for about 6 weeks. Then he failed his drug test. The social worker couldn't even track him down to contact him for several months. Then he popped back into the picture. It seems like he was going to try and make and effort again. This was a terrifying time for me. I was already in love with these children. He actually got himself cleaned up enough to get a supervised visit again in 2013. Then he failed his next drug test and the visits were suspended. The state determined that he had been given ample opportunity to get himself cleaned up and take the required classes and he had failed to do so. We were required to attend what they call a "Facilitated Staffing" meeting. We meet with representatives from the state, our social worker, the children's social worker, the biological parent(s), and their representative. That is when the state makes the determination to try to continue reunification or to move forward with Terminating Parental Rights.
It's such an awkward experience. You are sitting at a table with the biological father of your children all the while knowing you will do everything in your power to make sure they are never reunited with him. During this meeting, he stated that his sister would now be willing to take the children.
Before the children were placed in foster care, they had contacted the children's immediate family members to see if any of them would be willing to care for the children. No one stepped up at that time. I was terrified that after having the children in my home for almost a year, the aunt would now get them back.
The children's social worker reassured me after the meeting that it was very unlikely to happen. The state tries to prevent the children from being bounced from home to home. They had been in our home for approximately a year at that time and they were thriving. It would be to their detriment to move them.
Still, I worried and prayed. The aunt filed a petition to get the children back. Fortunately, the Judge didn't think it would benefit the children and her request was denied.
It took about 6 months to get the TPR hearing scheduled. It was a nerve-racking time. The day of the hearing I was nervous and excited. If the biological parents rights were terminated, we could start the adoption process. My husband and I didn't get to see the entire hearing. I was called as a witness to talk about the children's physical and mental conditions when they came to my home and to talk about their progress. The biological mother decided to sign away her parental rights. She knew she wasn't capable of caring for the children. The biological father was a different story. He wanted to proceed with the hearing. I had hoped he would decided to sign away his rights, but that didn't happen.
It took almost 2 months before we learned the Judge's decision. Finally, in February 2014, we received word that the biological father's rights had been terminated. We breathed a sigh of relief. We were heading down the homestretch. The children were now assigned an Adoption social worker instead of a Foster Care social worker. The adoption worker had to do a complete write-up on the history of each child and discuss our suitability for adoption. Some workers can do this very quickly. Unfortunately, we got a worker that was notoriously slow at getting this step completed. I spoke to our social worker and she knew of adoption workers that could get the write-up completed in a couple of weeks and get the adoption hearing scheduled within a month. When I told her the name of our worker, she said that probably wouldn't happen for us. She was right.
We were assigned the adoption worker in February. The adoption hearing wasn't scheduled until July.
July 24, 2014
The most important day of my life. The day of the adoption hearing I was nervous and excited. I could invite friends and family to attend. My parents, my sister, and my best friend attending the hearing with us. The judge asked a few basic questions about our desire to adopt the children and what we wanted their names to be. We kept the children's first names the same, but changed their middle and last names. When the judge declared that we were now the parents of Brennan, Summer, and Jordan, I burst into tears.
Almost 2 years of stress, worry, social workers, training, meetings, court hearings, it was over. All of it was over. They were MY CHILDREN. Nothing could change that now.
Sometimes it still seems surreal to me. My husband and I began the journey to parenthood in 2000. After trying to have our own child for 9 long years, we decide to look into adoption. The children came into our home on August 30, 2012 and they were adopted into our family on July 24, 2014. I love writing my children's name and they have my last name. I love being able to say, "my son" or my daughter" and know I don't have to preface it with "foster." Some days I am still in awe when my children call me "mommy" and I know it's true, and it's forever.
We had treated the children as though they were ours from the first day they entered our home. They called us "Mommy" and "Daddy." My family and friends accepted them as family immediately. It was such a blessing to have so much support during this process.
Throughout this process, I think God was teaching me patience. I've always been a very impatient person, especially when it comes to something exciting or important that I'm waiting on.
I know that not every Foster Care story has a happy ending. I know that this process is long and difficult. But in the end, it was worth it to me. There are thousands of children in Foster Care right now, many of whom are waiting for a home.
If you struggle with infertility, please consider adoption. I know we all dream about being pregnant and giving birth to our own, biological children. However, I speak from experience, when I tell you that in the end, it will not matter. My children may not share my DNA, but they own my heart.
We had to comply with all of the regulations required to be a foster home. They aren't too challenging and they are just designed to keep the children as safe as possible. Basic things like having a carbon monoxide and smoke detector, fire extinguishers, first aid kid, and a lock box for all medications.
Each month we would meet with two social workers. One social worker represents the children and ensures that they are in a safe home. They make sure the children are healthy and get any required medical or psychological treatments they need. The other social worker represents the foster parents. They make sure we get the things we need to help care for the children. We also had to make sure we take the required amount of training every year. Some of it was in the form of seminars and some of it was online courses.
They try to give the biological parents every opportunity to get their children back. This is a scary process for foster parents who want to adopt.
My children were not allowed to have any contact with their biological mother because they were all born with narcotics in their system. She had never made any concerted effort to get off the drugs, so we didn't worry much about her trying to get the children back. The biological father was a different story.
Summer and Brennan had been raised by the biological father. Jordan was raised in foster care until he was 7 months old, at which time he was placed in the biological father's home. When the social worker went back a month later to follow-up on Jordan, they determined none of the children should be with the biological father. That is how they ended up in my care.
The biological father was given weekly, supervised, one-hour visits for about 6 weeks. Then he failed his drug test. The social worker couldn't even track him down to contact him for several months. Then he popped back into the picture. It seems like he was going to try and make and effort again. This was a terrifying time for me. I was already in love with these children. He actually got himself cleaned up enough to get a supervised visit again in 2013. Then he failed his next drug test and the visits were suspended. The state determined that he had been given ample opportunity to get himself cleaned up and take the required classes and he had failed to do so. We were required to attend what they call a "Facilitated Staffing" meeting. We meet with representatives from the state, our social worker, the children's social worker, the biological parent(s), and their representative. That is when the state makes the determination to try to continue reunification or to move forward with Terminating Parental Rights.
It's such an awkward experience. You are sitting at a table with the biological father of your children all the while knowing you will do everything in your power to make sure they are never reunited with him. During this meeting, he stated that his sister would now be willing to take the children.
Before the children were placed in foster care, they had contacted the children's immediate family members to see if any of them would be willing to care for the children. No one stepped up at that time. I was terrified that after having the children in my home for almost a year, the aunt would now get them back.
The children's social worker reassured me after the meeting that it was very unlikely to happen. The state tries to prevent the children from being bounced from home to home. They had been in our home for approximately a year at that time and they were thriving. It would be to their detriment to move them.
Still, I worried and prayed. The aunt filed a petition to get the children back. Fortunately, the Judge didn't think it would benefit the children and her request was denied.
It took about 6 months to get the TPR hearing scheduled. It was a nerve-racking time. The day of the hearing I was nervous and excited. If the biological parents rights were terminated, we could start the adoption process. My husband and I didn't get to see the entire hearing. I was called as a witness to talk about the children's physical and mental conditions when they came to my home and to talk about their progress. The biological mother decided to sign away her parental rights. She knew she wasn't capable of caring for the children. The biological father was a different story. He wanted to proceed with the hearing. I had hoped he would decided to sign away his rights, but that didn't happen.
It took almost 2 months before we learned the Judge's decision. Finally, in February 2014, we received word that the biological father's rights had been terminated. We breathed a sigh of relief. We were heading down the homestretch. The children were now assigned an Adoption social worker instead of a Foster Care social worker. The adoption worker had to do a complete write-up on the history of each child and discuss our suitability for adoption. Some workers can do this very quickly. Unfortunately, we got a worker that was notoriously slow at getting this step completed. I spoke to our social worker and she knew of adoption workers that could get the write-up completed in a couple of weeks and get the adoption hearing scheduled within a month. When I told her the name of our worker, she said that probably wouldn't happen for us. She was right.
We were assigned the adoption worker in February. The adoption hearing wasn't scheduled until July.
July 24, 2014
The most important day of my life. The day of the adoption hearing I was nervous and excited. I could invite friends and family to attend. My parents, my sister, and my best friend attending the hearing with us. The judge asked a few basic questions about our desire to adopt the children and what we wanted their names to be. We kept the children's first names the same, but changed their middle and last names. When the judge declared that we were now the parents of Brennan, Summer, and Jordan, I burst into tears.
Almost 2 years of stress, worry, social workers, training, meetings, court hearings, it was over. All of it was over. They were MY CHILDREN. Nothing could change that now.
Sometimes it still seems surreal to me. My husband and I began the journey to parenthood in 2000. After trying to have our own child for 9 long years, we decide to look into adoption. The children came into our home on August 30, 2012 and they were adopted into our family on July 24, 2014. I love writing my children's name and they have my last name. I love being able to say, "my son" or my daughter" and know I don't have to preface it with "foster." Some days I am still in awe when my children call me "mommy" and I know it's true, and it's forever.
We had treated the children as though they were ours from the first day they entered our home. They called us "Mommy" and "Daddy." My family and friends accepted them as family immediately. It was such a blessing to have so much support during this process.
Throughout this process, I think God was teaching me patience. I've always been a very impatient person, especially when it comes to something exciting or important that I'm waiting on.
I know that not every Foster Care story has a happy ending. I know that this process is long and difficult. But in the end, it was worth it to me. There are thousands of children in Foster Care right now, many of whom are waiting for a home.
If you struggle with infertility, please consider adoption. I know we all dream about being pregnant and giving birth to our own, biological children. However, I speak from experience, when I tell you that in the end, it will not matter. My children may not share my DNA, but they own my heart.
Judge Barry, Cameron, Brennan, Summer, Me, Jordan
Thursday, February 12, 2015
A Life-Changing Event
I've taken care of kids for most of my life. When I was 9, I started helping with my sister while my parents worked. I would make dinner for her, help her with her homework, and make sure she got her bath. When I was a teenager, I would babysit a lot of my younger cousins. When I was 17, I moved in with my aunt for a while to help care for her baby while she went to nursing school and worked full time. When I was in college, I worked for the YMCA Child Development Center. I spent my days with children aged 5 to fourteen. After my niece and nephew were born, I would babysit for my sister. I thought I was pretty well prepared to deal with anything that came my way. I was probably better prepared than most, but still not as prepared as I thought I was when my children first arrive in my home through foster care.
Brennan was almost 3-years old. He was in diapers and he couldn't say but 4 words; sissy, eat, hot, and moo (for moon). Summer was 19-months old. She was in diapers, but she could speak fairly well. Jordan was 8-months old. He was very little for his age. He had only been bottle fed from birth. He had never had baby food before. Brennan and Jordan had some sort of skin infection.
The first few weeks were the most difficult.
THURSDAY - 8/30/2012
We brought the kids in from the social workers car. The only items they had with them was a Kroger bag with one outfit each (which were completely smoke-saturated and had to be washed immediately), one bottle for Jordan, and half a can of formula. We made the kids spaghetti for dinner. After dinner, we gave them a bath. I gave Jordan a bottle and put him in the baby bed. He went to sleep pretty easily. Obviously, we didn't have time to assemble the other baby beds that evening, so we put Brennan on the sofa, and Summer on the love seat. I don't think they had ever had a regular bedtime. We had to fight with Brennan all night just to keep him laying down. He screamed and fought us the whole time. Cameron stayed in the living room with them all night.
FRIDAY
Cameron went to Walmart and grabbed a few things we forgot in our rush. He also got the kids a few extra outfits now that we had some idea of their sizes. Jordan was 8-months old, but he was so tiny. He was wearing 3-month clothing. Brennan and Summer were also a little small for their ages. I spent most of the day trying to arrange childcare for the kids on Monday. Through a friend, I was able to get Jordan and Summer into a Christian daycare not too far from my house. They didn't have a spot for Brennan, so I had to find another daycare for him. The daycare I found for Brennan didn't have a spot for Jordan. I just couldn't find a daycare that could take all 3 of them on such short notice. The daycare that Brennan was going to was just down the street from Summer and Jordan's daycare, so it wasn't too difficult to manage. Another battle ensued that evening at bedtime.
SATURDAY, SUNDAY, & MONDAY
Cameron spent most of the day on Saturday in the kids' bedroom assembling beds. We had lots of visitors. All of my family and friends wanted to meet the kids. We also had several friends and family members donate clothing to us since we had so little for the kids. Everyone really stepped up and helped us out. They were such a blessing to us and we were so thankful.
TUESDAY
We got the kids registered at their daycares and we went back to work. The state had given us a clothing voucher for each child. It turns out that very few stores will actually take these vouchers. We had called around and Kohl's said they took them. We went to Kohl's with all the kids in tow and filled our cart with clothes for the 3 of them. We went to customer service to pay for the clothes with the vouchers. After lots of confusion and conversations with an assistant manager, a manager, and a regional manager, we found that Kohl's actually couldn't take the voucher. Basically, we wasted about 2 hours at Kohl's. The only other place I found that would take the vouchers was a K-Mart near my work. During my lunch break I decided to run to K-Mart and get the kids some clothes with the vouchers. As I was shopping, I got a call from the daycare. They wanted me to come and get Summer because she had head lice. Great! I hurried and finished my shopping, grabbed some lice shampoo while I was there, and ran to the daycare to get the kids. We treated them all that evening, washed every linen in the house, took all of the stuffed animals and sprayed them and put them in a plastic bag, and treated ourselves for good measure.
It took almost a month before we were fully rid of the lice. I was treating the whole family about once a week. The kids were getting transported from daycare once a week to have a one-hour, supervised visit with their biological father. I think they were catching the lice from either their bio-dad or the car seats in the social worker's car. I'm not sure which. I got really tired of lice shampoo, lice combs, and lice spray. Summer's hair was past her shoulders. We cut her hair to a fairly short bob just to help deal with the lice problem. It nearly drove me crazy.
Naptimes and bedtimes were a huge struggle with Brennan. I don't think the kids had ever seen a green vegetable. We had a 3-day standoff with Brennan over green beans. He wouldn't even put one in his mouth. We started giving Jordan baby food and he loved it! I was also giving him cereal in his bottle to help him sleep better at night. We started working with Brennan with flash cards to help him talk. I wouldn't give him things unless he at least tried to say it first. We also took him to a therapist for evaluation.
After a few months of evaluation, it was determined that Brennan has Sensory Processing Disorder. He can be very sensitive to sounds, smells, tastes, textures, and touches. For the first month or so, we tried to create a strict routine for them so that the kids always knew what was coming next. We had Jordan and Summer evaluated and they appeared to be developing normally for their ages. However, Brennan was developmentally delayed due to the neglect they suffered at the hands of the biological father.
Brennan would have huge meltdowns from time to time. He would throw tantrums of epic proportions. One day, the kids were napping so I decided to take a shower. Brennan woke up before I was finished with my shower and called for me. I didn't hear him and come right away, so he lost it. He took off all of his clothes, including a poop-filled diaper, and threw them on the floor. He stripped the sheet and blanket out of his crib and threw them on the floor as well. Then he intentionally peed all over the place, all the while screaming and jumping up and down. These types of tantrums from him were pretty common in the beginning. If we took him to a kid's birthday party, he would get completely overstimulated and have a complete meltdown when it was time to leave. His speech was improving, but his little sister was still miles ahead of him in terms of verbal communication.
Initially, everything was a fight with Brennan. I don't think he had ever had any real structure in his life. I don't think anyone was paying attention to them. I noticed that if Summer got upset and started to cry, Brennan would try to make her laugh. If Brennan got upset, Summer would come and give him a hug. They had learned to comfort one another.
All 3 of my children were born with narcotics in their system. Jordan was actually born addicted to narcotics and spent 12 days in the hospital. Summer was born in a car on the way to the hospital. The biological mother could not be around the children because of her drug problem, so the children were placed in the care of their father. Jordan was put in Foster Care when he left the hospital because they weren't certain if he had the same biological father.
When Jordan was 7 months old they finally did a paternity test and determined he had the same father. At that time, Jordan was place in the home with his siblings and biological father. When the social worker came to do a follow-up about a month later, they determined that the biological father was not suitable for any of the children. That is how they came to be in my care.
Brennan was almost 3-years old. He was in diapers and he couldn't say but 4 words; sissy, eat, hot, and moo (for moon). Summer was 19-months old. She was in diapers, but she could speak fairly well. Jordan was 8-months old. He was very little for his age. He had only been bottle fed from birth. He had never had baby food before. Brennan and Jordan had some sort of skin infection.
The first few weeks were the most difficult.
THURSDAY - 8/30/2012
We brought the kids in from the social workers car. The only items they had with them was a Kroger bag with one outfit each (which were completely smoke-saturated and had to be washed immediately), one bottle for Jordan, and half a can of formula. We made the kids spaghetti for dinner. After dinner, we gave them a bath. I gave Jordan a bottle and put him in the baby bed. He went to sleep pretty easily. Obviously, we didn't have time to assemble the other baby beds that evening, so we put Brennan on the sofa, and Summer on the love seat. I don't think they had ever had a regular bedtime. We had to fight with Brennan all night just to keep him laying down. He screamed and fought us the whole time. Cameron stayed in the living room with them all night.
FRIDAY
Cameron went to Walmart and grabbed a few things we forgot in our rush. He also got the kids a few extra outfits now that we had some idea of their sizes. Jordan was 8-months old, but he was so tiny. He was wearing 3-month clothing. Brennan and Summer were also a little small for their ages. I spent most of the day trying to arrange childcare for the kids on Monday. Through a friend, I was able to get Jordan and Summer into a Christian daycare not too far from my house. They didn't have a spot for Brennan, so I had to find another daycare for him. The daycare I found for Brennan didn't have a spot for Jordan. I just couldn't find a daycare that could take all 3 of them on such short notice. The daycare that Brennan was going to was just down the street from Summer and Jordan's daycare, so it wasn't too difficult to manage. Another battle ensued that evening at bedtime.
SATURDAY, SUNDAY, & MONDAY
Cameron spent most of the day on Saturday in the kids' bedroom assembling beds. We had lots of visitors. All of my family and friends wanted to meet the kids. We also had several friends and family members donate clothing to us since we had so little for the kids. Everyone really stepped up and helped us out. They were such a blessing to us and we were so thankful.
TUESDAY
We got the kids registered at their daycares and we went back to work. The state had given us a clothing voucher for each child. It turns out that very few stores will actually take these vouchers. We had called around and Kohl's said they took them. We went to Kohl's with all the kids in tow and filled our cart with clothes for the 3 of them. We went to customer service to pay for the clothes with the vouchers. After lots of confusion and conversations with an assistant manager, a manager, and a regional manager, we found that Kohl's actually couldn't take the voucher. Basically, we wasted about 2 hours at Kohl's. The only other place I found that would take the vouchers was a K-Mart near my work. During my lunch break I decided to run to K-Mart and get the kids some clothes with the vouchers. As I was shopping, I got a call from the daycare. They wanted me to come and get Summer because she had head lice. Great! I hurried and finished my shopping, grabbed some lice shampoo while I was there, and ran to the daycare to get the kids. We treated them all that evening, washed every linen in the house, took all of the stuffed animals and sprayed them and put them in a plastic bag, and treated ourselves for good measure.
It took almost a month before we were fully rid of the lice. I was treating the whole family about once a week. The kids were getting transported from daycare once a week to have a one-hour, supervised visit with their biological father. I think they were catching the lice from either their bio-dad or the car seats in the social worker's car. I'm not sure which. I got really tired of lice shampoo, lice combs, and lice spray. Summer's hair was past her shoulders. We cut her hair to a fairly short bob just to help deal with the lice problem. It nearly drove me crazy.
Naptimes and bedtimes were a huge struggle with Brennan. I don't think the kids had ever seen a green vegetable. We had a 3-day standoff with Brennan over green beans. He wouldn't even put one in his mouth. We started giving Jordan baby food and he loved it! I was also giving him cereal in his bottle to help him sleep better at night. We started working with Brennan with flash cards to help him talk. I wouldn't give him things unless he at least tried to say it first. We also took him to a therapist for evaluation.
After a few months of evaluation, it was determined that Brennan has Sensory Processing Disorder. He can be very sensitive to sounds, smells, tastes, textures, and touches. For the first month or so, we tried to create a strict routine for them so that the kids always knew what was coming next. We had Jordan and Summer evaluated and they appeared to be developing normally for their ages. However, Brennan was developmentally delayed due to the neglect they suffered at the hands of the biological father.
Brennan would have huge meltdowns from time to time. He would throw tantrums of epic proportions. One day, the kids were napping so I decided to take a shower. Brennan woke up before I was finished with my shower and called for me. I didn't hear him and come right away, so he lost it. He took off all of his clothes, including a poop-filled diaper, and threw them on the floor. He stripped the sheet and blanket out of his crib and threw them on the floor as well. Then he intentionally peed all over the place, all the while screaming and jumping up and down. These types of tantrums from him were pretty common in the beginning. If we took him to a kid's birthday party, he would get completely overstimulated and have a complete meltdown when it was time to leave. His speech was improving, but his little sister was still miles ahead of him in terms of verbal communication.
Initially, everything was a fight with Brennan. I don't think he had ever had any real structure in his life. I don't think anyone was paying attention to them. I noticed that if Summer got upset and started to cry, Brennan would try to make her laugh. If Brennan got upset, Summer would come and give him a hug. They had learned to comfort one another.
All 3 of my children were born with narcotics in their system. Jordan was actually born addicted to narcotics and spent 12 days in the hospital. Summer was born in a car on the way to the hospital. The biological mother could not be around the children because of her drug problem, so the children were placed in the care of their father. Jordan was put in Foster Care when he left the hospital because they weren't certain if he had the same biological father.
When Jordan was 7 months old they finally did a paternity test and determined he had the same father. At that time, Jordan was place in the home with his siblings and biological father. When the social worker came to do a follow-up about a month later, they determined that the biological father was not suitable for any of the children. That is how they came to be in my care.
Brennan (2.5 years)
Summer (19 months)
Jordan (8 months)
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Adoption Can Be Expensive!
After about 8 or 9 years of trying to conceive without any luck, my husband and I decided to start looking into adoption. It isn't impossible to have children with PCOS, but it can be more challenging. Many women with PCOS don't ovulate (myself included). There are fertility drugs, like Clomid, that can be taken, but most doctors won't give it to you until you are closer to a healthy body weight. I have had a very difficult time trying to lose weight. I've tried many diet and exercise programs without much success. I will usually lose about 25 pounds in the first couple of months, then my body figures out that I've made a change and I start gaining weight again.
I did Weight Watchers a few years back. I followed the program. I counted my points, measured and weighed my foods, made sure I got plenty of exercise, and drank lots of water. In the first couple of months I lost 24 pounds. I was so excited. I was really hopeful that it would work. About 3 months in, I just stopped losing weight. It is normal to reach a plateau when dieting. You are just supposed to stick with the program and eventually you will start losing weight again. The plateau may last a month or two. I waited 6 months and didn't lose any more weight. I finally gave up on Weight Watchers. I've found that what works best for me is to eat very little. I would probably benefit from weight-loss surgery, but my insurance won't cover it. I guess they would rather pay long-term for all of the illnesses related to obesity (diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, stroke, etc.) than pay out one time for weight-loss surgery. Makes sense, right?
Since I've not had much luck losing weight, fertility drugs weren't really an option for me. We started looking into private and international adoption. International adoption can cost over $30,000. Private adoption can cost over $10,000. My husband and I just didn't have those kind of financial resources at the time. We figured we would have to save for a few years before we could adopt.
My best friend's brother-in-law and his wife adopted two little girls. They adopted them through foster care. They said that they adoption fees are usually less than $1000 if you foster-to-adopt. The down side is that there are no guarantees. But there are no guarantees with any adoption arrangement.
I worked with someone who paid for a private adoption through a Catholic Church. A young, teen-aged couple was having a baby that they felt they couldn't keep. The parents picked my co-worker and his wife to adopt their child. Everything went well, initially. The baby was born, the adoptive family took the child home, everything was fine. They had agreed to give the biological parents updates on the child as part of the adoption. About two weeks after the baby was with the adoptive couple, his temperature dropped one evening. They took the baby to the children's hospital. After being monitored over night, the doctors said he was fine and sent him home. The biological parents were notified when the baby went to the hospital. That week, the biological parents decided they wanted to have a meeting with the adoptive parents. It was during that meeting that these teenagers told this couple they wanted their baby back. The adoption wasn't final yet. They had to give this baby that they had helped pay to be born, loved and cared for, back to these teenagers. Can you imagine the heartbreak?
Cameron and I decided the Foster-to-Adopt program was probably our best chance at having children. We weren't getting any younger, that's for sure. In October, 2009, we started doing the paperwork and taking training classes to become Foster Parents.
In May, 2010, I started having some issues with anxiety. Initially, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, but after many expensive tests, I learned there is nothing wrong with my heart. We delayed the Foster Care process until I got my anxiety under control.
In the beginning of 2012, we started the Foster Care process again. It takes 6 to 12 months to complete the training and get approved. In Kentucky, you have to take 30 hours of training, you have to complete LOTS of paperwork, and you have to have a couple of home studies before you can be approved to Foster.
I am incredibly impatient when I'm waiting for something to happen. So, this was almost torture for me.
On August 30, 2012, something miraculous happened! I was at work and my cell phone rang. It was my social worker. She told me she was signing the paperwork right at that moment to approve our home for Foster Care. She said she had some "kids" for us.
When we started the process, we decided we really wanted to adopt a baby or a toddler. We live in a small, 3 bedroom, 1 bath, ranch-style home. One of the bedrooms was being used as a den. We had converted the other bedroom into a child's room. The only thing we had was a baby bed that I bought from my sister when my niece outgrew it. We didn't know if we would get an infant or a toddler. But, we had only planned on 1 child.
I replied, "What do you mean by kids?"
She said, "We have 3 siblings. They are all little. The oldest is almost 3, there is a little girl who is 19 months, and the baby is 8 months."
I replied, "We only have one spare room."
She said, "They are all so little they can sleep in the same room."
I said, "I don't know. I'll have to talk to my husband." She asked that I call her back and let her know.
I knew from the training that a lot of sibling groups get split up into different homes because most Foster Homes won't take groups of children. I called my husband and we talked about it for about 5 minutes. We both agreed that although this would be a huge challenge, maybe it was God's plan for us. We really didn't want these children to be separated from their siblings. I called the social worker back and told her we would do it. I asked when we would get the children (thinking it would be a few days).
She said, "I will drop them off at your home sometime this evening." Oh boy!
I called my husband and told him to leave work and go get my Dad's Suburban so we could go buy some beds. He left work and came to get me. We went straight to Walmart and started buying what we thought we would need. We bought bottles, diapers, 2 baby beds with mattresses, wipes, diaper cream, lotion, and baby wash. Just the basics of what we thought we would need. As we were loading the beds onto a cart to take them to the front to pay for them, my social worker called and said she was waiting in my driveway with the kids. What???
We rushed home. As I walked up to the social workers car, she opened the door of the back seat. Three blue-eyed babies looked over at me. My life changed forever starting that night.
I did Weight Watchers a few years back. I followed the program. I counted my points, measured and weighed my foods, made sure I got plenty of exercise, and drank lots of water. In the first couple of months I lost 24 pounds. I was so excited. I was really hopeful that it would work. About 3 months in, I just stopped losing weight. It is normal to reach a plateau when dieting. You are just supposed to stick with the program and eventually you will start losing weight again. The plateau may last a month or two. I waited 6 months and didn't lose any more weight. I finally gave up on Weight Watchers. I've found that what works best for me is to eat very little. I would probably benefit from weight-loss surgery, but my insurance won't cover it. I guess they would rather pay long-term for all of the illnesses related to obesity (diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, stroke, etc.) than pay out one time for weight-loss surgery. Makes sense, right?
Since I've not had much luck losing weight, fertility drugs weren't really an option for me. We started looking into private and international adoption. International adoption can cost over $30,000. Private adoption can cost over $10,000. My husband and I just didn't have those kind of financial resources at the time. We figured we would have to save for a few years before we could adopt.
My best friend's brother-in-law and his wife adopted two little girls. They adopted them through foster care. They said that they adoption fees are usually less than $1000 if you foster-to-adopt. The down side is that there are no guarantees. But there are no guarantees with any adoption arrangement.
I worked with someone who paid for a private adoption through a Catholic Church. A young, teen-aged couple was having a baby that they felt they couldn't keep. The parents picked my co-worker and his wife to adopt their child. Everything went well, initially. The baby was born, the adoptive family took the child home, everything was fine. They had agreed to give the biological parents updates on the child as part of the adoption. About two weeks after the baby was with the adoptive couple, his temperature dropped one evening. They took the baby to the children's hospital. After being monitored over night, the doctors said he was fine and sent him home. The biological parents were notified when the baby went to the hospital. That week, the biological parents decided they wanted to have a meeting with the adoptive parents. It was during that meeting that these teenagers told this couple they wanted their baby back. The adoption wasn't final yet. They had to give this baby that they had helped pay to be born, loved and cared for, back to these teenagers. Can you imagine the heartbreak?
Cameron and I decided the Foster-to-Adopt program was probably our best chance at having children. We weren't getting any younger, that's for sure. In October, 2009, we started doing the paperwork and taking training classes to become Foster Parents.
In May, 2010, I started having some issues with anxiety. Initially, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, but after many expensive tests, I learned there is nothing wrong with my heart. We delayed the Foster Care process until I got my anxiety under control.
In the beginning of 2012, we started the Foster Care process again. It takes 6 to 12 months to complete the training and get approved. In Kentucky, you have to take 30 hours of training, you have to complete LOTS of paperwork, and you have to have a couple of home studies before you can be approved to Foster.
I am incredibly impatient when I'm waiting for something to happen. So, this was almost torture for me.
On August 30, 2012, something miraculous happened! I was at work and my cell phone rang. It was my social worker. She told me she was signing the paperwork right at that moment to approve our home for Foster Care. She said she had some "kids" for us.
When we started the process, we decided we really wanted to adopt a baby or a toddler. We live in a small, 3 bedroom, 1 bath, ranch-style home. One of the bedrooms was being used as a den. We had converted the other bedroom into a child's room. The only thing we had was a baby bed that I bought from my sister when my niece outgrew it. We didn't know if we would get an infant or a toddler. But, we had only planned on 1 child.
I replied, "What do you mean by kids?"
She said, "We have 3 siblings. They are all little. The oldest is almost 3, there is a little girl who is 19 months, and the baby is 8 months."
I replied, "We only have one spare room."
She said, "They are all so little they can sleep in the same room."
I said, "I don't know. I'll have to talk to my husband." She asked that I call her back and let her know.
I knew from the training that a lot of sibling groups get split up into different homes because most Foster Homes won't take groups of children. I called my husband and we talked about it for about 5 minutes. We both agreed that although this would be a huge challenge, maybe it was God's plan for us. We really didn't want these children to be separated from their siblings. I called the social worker back and told her we would do it. I asked when we would get the children (thinking it would be a few days).
She said, "I will drop them off at your home sometime this evening." Oh boy!
I called my husband and told him to leave work and go get my Dad's Suburban so we could go buy some beds. He left work and came to get me. We went straight to Walmart and started buying what we thought we would need. We bought bottles, diapers, 2 baby beds with mattresses, wipes, diaper cream, lotion, and baby wash. Just the basics of what we thought we would need. As we were loading the beds onto a cart to take them to the front to pay for them, my social worker called and said she was waiting in my driveway with the kids. What???
We rushed home. As I walked up to the social workers car, she opened the door of the back seat. Three blue-eyed babies looked over at me. My life changed forever starting that night.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Childhood is Carefree, Right?
In the past few months I've been teaching Sunday School to 4th and 5th graders on Sunday mornings. It's been a wonderful experience.
My journey to being a follower of Jesus has been an interesting one. My parents aren't religious. We did not attend church as a family when I was a child. Every now and then I would go to church with a cousin or a friend just because it seemed like a fun thing to do. When I was 8-years old I decided to get on a bus to a church I had never been to. I started going, by myself, pretty regularly. It was at that church that I was saved. Before I could schedule my Baptism, the church had a fire in the kitchen and was under renovation for a few months. We moved during that time and I stopped attending that church.
We moved around a lot when I was a kid. My parents had a job that travelled to a different city in the US for 6 months a year. From January to June, my parents lived in another city. Sometimes my sister and I would travel with my parents and sometimes we would stay in Louisville with one of my aunts. All of the moving around didn't allow for me to attend church on a regular basis.
I've believed in Jesus since I was a child, but I wasn't a "follower." There is a difference between just believing in Christ and following Christ. If you want to read up on this idea, I recommend the book "not a fan." by Kyle Idleman.
In 2001 I started reading the Bible regularly. In 2005, I started attending Southeast Christian Church (www.southeastchristian.org) with my best friends. In 2007, on Thanksgiving weekend, I was baptized in front of approximately 5000 people at my church. It was an amazing experience. Since that time, I have been trying to improve my relationship with Christ and trying to serve others in His name.
I'm not trying to tell you how to believe. I don't mind sharing my spiritual journey with others and I enjoy any conversations about it, but I don't push my faith on others. Your spiritual journey is your own. As long as your religious beliefs don't encourage violence, I'm okay with it. Of course, I hope and pray that you become a follower of Christ, but I believe Christ calls people to him.
I've always wanted to be more involved in my church, but the church I attended was 24 miles each way from my house. It wasn't feasible for me to go and do things there regularly. That is, until October 2014. They opened another campus to my church about 5 miles from my house (https://www.southeastchristian.org/southwest/). I was so excited to have the opportunity to volunteer on a regular basis.
Initially, I signed up to volunteer as a Decision Guide. A Decision Guide helps people with questions about faith in Christ, decisions to become a follower of Christ, or decisions to become a member of the church. My husband signed up to volunteer in the children's ministry. He thought having more experience with children would help him to be a better father.
They say God laughs when we make plans. Sometimes we fail to realize that God's plan for our lives is better than anything we could plan for ourselves. So, I thought I wanted to be a Decision Guide. It turns out, there were lots of people that wanted to be Decision Guides. They desperately needed more volunteers in the children's ministry. I decided to join my husband and help in the children's ministry (or I should say, God placed it on my heart to go where help was needed, not where I wanted to be).
My husband and I were assigned to teach the 4th and 5th Grade Bible Study. My husband had previous experience teaching Bible Study to teenagers, so we decided he should lead. It turns out, that wasn't part of God's plan. My husband is a very quiet guy. His voice has a very low tone. That tone is not exactly ideal for getting the attention of a bunch of 9- and 10-year olds. I, on the other hand, have no trouble commanding the attention of children. When I was in college, I worked in the YMCA Childcare Enrichment Program. I spent 2 years with children from the ages of 5 to 14 on a daily basis. I knew how to get their attention. The next weekend we were assigned to continue teaching the 4th and 5th graders. I took over the lead.
It has been an amazingly rewarding experience. It also can be very trying at times. What do you say to a child when they ask you what they should do because their parents are getting a divorce? What do you say when a child asks you why their little sister choked on a peanut when she was a year old and now she is mentally disabled and breathes on a respirator? What do you say to a child when they tell you a family member is dying? What do you say to a child when they tell you they were abused by their father, their mother is too sick to care for them, and now they have to live with their grandmother? What do you say to a child who worries if their mother is going to hell because she isn't a believer? What do you say to a child when they tell you they don't think their parents love them? These are all questions I've encountered in the last couple of months. It takes a lot of prayer and a lot of discernment to help them answer these questions.
I think sometimes we forget how difficult it is to be a child. We, as adults, know about what we consider to be "real" problems like; how are we going to pay the bills this month because we lost our jobs, how are we going to put food on the table for our children, how do I deal with a disease like PCOS, how do I tell my family I have cancer, and the list goes on. As adults, we have serious problems. Problems that affect others, not just ourselves.
We look at children and wish all we had to worry about was going to school and doing homework. We look at children and wish we had so few responsibilities and that all of the hard decisions were made by someone else. But to a child, their problems are just as big and just as important. Their problems can be all-consuming because they don't have the life experience to put things into perspective. They don't have the life experience to know that you can live through heartbreak, failure, disappointment, loss, and grief.
I spend a lot of my time refereeing between my 3 kids. My son, Brennan, is 5. My daughter, Summer, is 4. My son, Jordan, is 3. Everything is major to them. As a parent, you sometimes think, "Is it really a big deal that your sister is playing with your toy?" That's because, as an adult, we know that little sister will get bored eventually and put the toy down. But the child doesn't consider what has happened in the past and what will happen in the future. To them, what is important is RIGHT NOW. And RIGHT NOW is everything.
I'm not a perfect Mom. I get frustrated sometimes. I lose my temper. I pray every night for the Lord to help me to be a better mother. My children deserve that. Every child deserves that. My children started their lives with biological parents who had problems with drugs and alcohol. They started their lives being an inconvenience to their biological parents. Within one month of having them in my care as foster children, I knew I wanted to adopt them. I knew it wouldn't be an easy road, but it was a road I knew I needed to take. For them.
I need to remind myself how they started in life. I need to remind myself that they deserve all of my love and as much patience as I can give them.
All children need love, patience, and guidance. We need to strive to be better parents, better role models. The children watch everything we do and repeat those patterns in adulthood.
What kind of behaviors are you modeling for your children?
My journey to being a follower of Jesus has been an interesting one. My parents aren't religious. We did not attend church as a family when I was a child. Every now and then I would go to church with a cousin or a friend just because it seemed like a fun thing to do. When I was 8-years old I decided to get on a bus to a church I had never been to. I started going, by myself, pretty regularly. It was at that church that I was saved. Before I could schedule my Baptism, the church had a fire in the kitchen and was under renovation for a few months. We moved during that time and I stopped attending that church.
We moved around a lot when I was a kid. My parents had a job that travelled to a different city in the US for 6 months a year. From January to June, my parents lived in another city. Sometimes my sister and I would travel with my parents and sometimes we would stay in Louisville with one of my aunts. All of the moving around didn't allow for me to attend church on a regular basis.
I've believed in Jesus since I was a child, but I wasn't a "follower." There is a difference between just believing in Christ and following Christ. If you want to read up on this idea, I recommend the book "not a fan." by Kyle Idleman.
In 2001 I started reading the Bible regularly. In 2005, I started attending Southeast Christian Church (www.southeastchristian.org) with my best friends. In 2007, on Thanksgiving weekend, I was baptized in front of approximately 5000 people at my church. It was an amazing experience. Since that time, I have been trying to improve my relationship with Christ and trying to serve others in His name.
I'm not trying to tell you how to believe. I don't mind sharing my spiritual journey with others and I enjoy any conversations about it, but I don't push my faith on others. Your spiritual journey is your own. As long as your religious beliefs don't encourage violence, I'm okay with it. Of course, I hope and pray that you become a follower of Christ, but I believe Christ calls people to him.
I've always wanted to be more involved in my church, but the church I attended was 24 miles each way from my house. It wasn't feasible for me to go and do things there regularly. That is, until October 2014. They opened another campus to my church about 5 miles from my house (https://www.southeastchristian.org/southwest/). I was so excited to have the opportunity to volunteer on a regular basis.
Initially, I signed up to volunteer as a Decision Guide. A Decision Guide helps people with questions about faith in Christ, decisions to become a follower of Christ, or decisions to become a member of the church. My husband signed up to volunteer in the children's ministry. He thought having more experience with children would help him to be a better father.
They say God laughs when we make plans. Sometimes we fail to realize that God's plan for our lives is better than anything we could plan for ourselves. So, I thought I wanted to be a Decision Guide. It turns out, there were lots of people that wanted to be Decision Guides. They desperately needed more volunteers in the children's ministry. I decided to join my husband and help in the children's ministry (or I should say, God placed it on my heart to go where help was needed, not where I wanted to be).
My husband and I were assigned to teach the 4th and 5th Grade Bible Study. My husband had previous experience teaching Bible Study to teenagers, so we decided he should lead. It turns out, that wasn't part of God's plan. My husband is a very quiet guy. His voice has a very low tone. That tone is not exactly ideal for getting the attention of a bunch of 9- and 10-year olds. I, on the other hand, have no trouble commanding the attention of children. When I was in college, I worked in the YMCA Childcare Enrichment Program. I spent 2 years with children from the ages of 5 to 14 on a daily basis. I knew how to get their attention. The next weekend we were assigned to continue teaching the 4th and 5th graders. I took over the lead.
It has been an amazingly rewarding experience. It also can be very trying at times. What do you say to a child when they ask you what they should do because their parents are getting a divorce? What do you say when a child asks you why their little sister choked on a peanut when she was a year old and now she is mentally disabled and breathes on a respirator? What do you say to a child when they tell you a family member is dying? What do you say to a child when they tell you they were abused by their father, their mother is too sick to care for them, and now they have to live with their grandmother? What do you say to a child who worries if their mother is going to hell because she isn't a believer? What do you say to a child when they tell you they don't think their parents love them? These are all questions I've encountered in the last couple of months. It takes a lot of prayer and a lot of discernment to help them answer these questions.
I think sometimes we forget how difficult it is to be a child. We, as adults, know about what we consider to be "real" problems like; how are we going to pay the bills this month because we lost our jobs, how are we going to put food on the table for our children, how do I deal with a disease like PCOS, how do I tell my family I have cancer, and the list goes on. As adults, we have serious problems. Problems that affect others, not just ourselves.
We look at children and wish all we had to worry about was going to school and doing homework. We look at children and wish we had so few responsibilities and that all of the hard decisions were made by someone else. But to a child, their problems are just as big and just as important. Their problems can be all-consuming because they don't have the life experience to put things into perspective. They don't have the life experience to know that you can live through heartbreak, failure, disappointment, loss, and grief.
I spend a lot of my time refereeing between my 3 kids. My son, Brennan, is 5. My daughter, Summer, is 4. My son, Jordan, is 3. Everything is major to them. As a parent, you sometimes think, "Is it really a big deal that your sister is playing with your toy?" That's because, as an adult, we know that little sister will get bored eventually and put the toy down. But the child doesn't consider what has happened in the past and what will happen in the future. To them, what is important is RIGHT NOW. And RIGHT NOW is everything.
I'm not a perfect Mom. I get frustrated sometimes. I lose my temper. I pray every night for the Lord to help me to be a better mother. My children deserve that. Every child deserves that. My children started their lives with biological parents who had problems with drugs and alcohol. They started their lives being an inconvenience to their biological parents. Within one month of having them in my care as foster children, I knew I wanted to adopt them. I knew it wouldn't be an easy road, but it was a road I knew I needed to take. For them.
I need to remind myself how they started in life. I need to remind myself that they deserve all of my love and as much patience as I can give them.
All children need love, patience, and guidance. We need to strive to be better parents, better role models. The children watch everything we do and repeat those patterns in adulthood.
What kind of behaviors are you modeling for your children?
Saturday, February 7, 2015
PCOS - Good Days and Bad Days
I've decided not to preface my posts with "My Story." It's kind of a silly thing to do. I mean, the Blog is called "Diary of a PCOS Mommy," so obviously the whole thing is my story. Sometimes things don't occur to you until later.
I also don't want everyone to think PCOS is a total drag (it kind of is a big drag, but there are many good days in my life). Yes, this Syndrome is a complete nightmare for most of us, but it doesn't prevent us from leading happy lives. Sometimes you have to choose to rise above the thing that ails you. I will get around to telling you about many of the blessings in my life. I can sum up a couple of them for you now. My husband, my children, my family, and my friends are amazing blessings in my life for which I am eternally grateful to God. I will tell you more about all of them.
But today, I need to talk about some of the downfalls of PCOS because they've been an issue for me the last couple of weeks.
PCOS greatly affects my hormone balances. I used to have very irregular periods. I would have a period one month then skip three or four months. I never knew from month to month if Aunt Flow (AF) would appear. In 2013, I got really sick. The kids kept bringing home virus after virus from daycare. Then I kept catching every one of them, despite washing my hands so frequently that they would crack and bleed from my skin being so dry. In February 2013, I ended up with pneumonia. I had absolutely no appetite. I ate nothing but crackers for about 2 weeks. I lost 30 pounds during that time.
Those 30 pounds kicked AF into high gear and now I get a period every month (this would have been helpful when I was trying to conceive, but now it is just a nuisance). About a week before my period, my hormones go crazy. My skin gets really oily and breaks out like I'm 15 years old. My pores literally spew oil and I have to clean my glasses every few hours to remove the oil on my lenses. I also get hormonal rages and depressions. I can get really angry over nothing or I can cry all day over nothing. It's a lot of fun.
A couple of months ago I woke up sad and couldn't stop crying. I kept having to go into the kitchen and sit at the table and cry. I didn't want the kids to see me crying and get upset. There was no particular issue that I was crying over. I was just inconsolably sad. I was supposed to take my son to the doctor that afternoon, but I just couldn't pull myself together despite my best efforts. I finally had to call my husband at work. Here is how the conversation went:
Me: "Can you come home from work early?"
Cameron: "Why?"
Me: (As I bust into sobs) "I can't stop crying!"
Cameron: "That's weird."
Me: "I know. I just can't stop. There is nothing wrong in particular. I just can't stop crying."
Cameron: "Okay. I'll be home in a few minutes."
Cameron doesn't always understand what's happening with me, but he tries to help me the best he can during those weird and confusing times when I can't get it together.
Last week I had my period. The week before that I was angry about nothing for a few days here and there. My face had a horrible breakout. Probably the worst it has been in several years. My period ended last Friday, but my face was still really broken out. It's been awful.
Thursday night there was a lot of tension between Cameron and I. Nothing major, just minor disagreements. We don't usually fight anyway. We just have discussions. We just weren't having the best night. And I started feeling very unloved over nothing. I felt hideous and I looked hideous.
Thursday night I had a dream that my grandmother (who passed away in 2001) was cooking dinner for my family. She wanted to serve dinner in these silver serving bowls that were really dusty because they hadn't been used in forever. I was washing them and I just couldn't get all of the dust off despite my best scrubbing. When I finally got them clean, she had died. I was crying in my dream and crying in my sleep. I woke up even sadder than I was before I went to bed.
I spent most of yesterday feeling really sad and really ugly. PCOS can really destroy your self-esteem sometimes. When my husband got home from work, I needed a little reassurance that he loved me.
Me: "Do you love me?"
Cameron: "Yes, I love you?"
Me: "Do you think I'm pretty? Or at least sometimes I'm pretty? Today I look hideous."
Cameron: "I always think you're pretty."
Ladies, this is why it is so important to marry the right guy. You need someone who is going to encourage you and build you up when you are feeling down. Cameron doesn't always understand what is going on with me or why I do the things I do, but he always supports me.
Last night my niece came over and colored and cut my hair. After I had a hot shower and shaved my legs, I felt much better. My face still looks like crap, but at least I'm not hairy.
I was craving a Big Mac something awful. I don't eat out much, and I very rarely eat fast food. But once in a while I will have a food craving that just won't go away. Sometimes having PCOS is like being pregnant without the joy of having a child growing inside you. I get nausea, headaches, food cravings, hormone imbalances, and other pregnancy-like symptoms, but no baby.
Last night I just couldn't get the craving for a Big Mac out of my head. Nothing else sounded good. I have a weird quirk about food. If I am craving something particular, nothing else will satisfy me. I will go hungry before I can eat something I don't want. It's a weird quirk that I've had for many years. If I try to eat something I don't want, regardless of how hungry I am, it will make me throw up.
Here is how you know you have a good man. My husband had showered and had his pajamas on. I told him I was craving a Big Mac. He got dressed at 10:30 pm last night and went to McDonald's to get me a Big Mac. I love him so much! By the way, it tasted as good as I thought it would.
The moral of this story is twofold: 1) PCOS will make you crazy, hormonal, and destroy your self-esteem at times. 2) Make sure you pick a partner that support you during those times. You are going to need it.
I also don't want everyone to think PCOS is a total drag (it kind of is a big drag, but there are many good days in my life). Yes, this Syndrome is a complete nightmare for most of us, but it doesn't prevent us from leading happy lives. Sometimes you have to choose to rise above the thing that ails you. I will get around to telling you about many of the blessings in my life. I can sum up a couple of them for you now. My husband, my children, my family, and my friends are amazing blessings in my life for which I am eternally grateful to God. I will tell you more about all of them.
But today, I need to talk about some of the downfalls of PCOS because they've been an issue for me the last couple of weeks.
PCOS greatly affects my hormone balances. I used to have very irregular periods. I would have a period one month then skip three or four months. I never knew from month to month if Aunt Flow (AF) would appear. In 2013, I got really sick. The kids kept bringing home virus after virus from daycare. Then I kept catching every one of them, despite washing my hands so frequently that they would crack and bleed from my skin being so dry. In February 2013, I ended up with pneumonia. I had absolutely no appetite. I ate nothing but crackers for about 2 weeks. I lost 30 pounds during that time.
Those 30 pounds kicked AF into high gear and now I get a period every month (this would have been helpful when I was trying to conceive, but now it is just a nuisance). About a week before my period, my hormones go crazy. My skin gets really oily and breaks out like I'm 15 years old. My pores literally spew oil and I have to clean my glasses every few hours to remove the oil on my lenses. I also get hormonal rages and depressions. I can get really angry over nothing or I can cry all day over nothing. It's a lot of fun.
A couple of months ago I woke up sad and couldn't stop crying. I kept having to go into the kitchen and sit at the table and cry. I didn't want the kids to see me crying and get upset. There was no particular issue that I was crying over. I was just inconsolably sad. I was supposed to take my son to the doctor that afternoon, but I just couldn't pull myself together despite my best efforts. I finally had to call my husband at work. Here is how the conversation went:
Me: "Can you come home from work early?"
Cameron: "Why?"
Me: (As I bust into sobs) "I can't stop crying!"
Cameron: "That's weird."
Me: "I know. I just can't stop. There is nothing wrong in particular. I just can't stop crying."
Cameron: "Okay. I'll be home in a few minutes."
Cameron doesn't always understand what's happening with me, but he tries to help me the best he can during those weird and confusing times when I can't get it together.
Last week I had my period. The week before that I was angry about nothing for a few days here and there. My face had a horrible breakout. Probably the worst it has been in several years. My period ended last Friday, but my face was still really broken out. It's been awful.
Thursday night there was a lot of tension between Cameron and I. Nothing major, just minor disagreements. We don't usually fight anyway. We just have discussions. We just weren't having the best night. And I started feeling very unloved over nothing. I felt hideous and I looked hideous.
Thursday night I had a dream that my grandmother (who passed away in 2001) was cooking dinner for my family. She wanted to serve dinner in these silver serving bowls that were really dusty because they hadn't been used in forever. I was washing them and I just couldn't get all of the dust off despite my best scrubbing. When I finally got them clean, she had died. I was crying in my dream and crying in my sleep. I woke up even sadder than I was before I went to bed.
I spent most of yesterday feeling really sad and really ugly. PCOS can really destroy your self-esteem sometimes. When my husband got home from work, I needed a little reassurance that he loved me.
Me: "Do you love me?"
Cameron: "Yes, I love you?"
Me: "Do you think I'm pretty? Or at least sometimes I'm pretty? Today I look hideous."
Cameron: "I always think you're pretty."
Ladies, this is why it is so important to marry the right guy. You need someone who is going to encourage you and build you up when you are feeling down. Cameron doesn't always understand what is going on with me or why I do the things I do, but he always supports me.
Last night my niece came over and colored and cut my hair. After I had a hot shower and shaved my legs, I felt much better. My face still looks like crap, but at least I'm not hairy.
I was craving a Big Mac something awful. I don't eat out much, and I very rarely eat fast food. But once in a while I will have a food craving that just won't go away. Sometimes having PCOS is like being pregnant without the joy of having a child growing inside you. I get nausea, headaches, food cravings, hormone imbalances, and other pregnancy-like symptoms, but no baby.
Last night I just couldn't get the craving for a Big Mac out of my head. Nothing else sounded good. I have a weird quirk about food. If I am craving something particular, nothing else will satisfy me. I will go hungry before I can eat something I don't want. It's a weird quirk that I've had for many years. If I try to eat something I don't want, regardless of how hungry I am, it will make me throw up.
Here is how you know you have a good man. My husband had showered and had his pajamas on. I told him I was craving a Big Mac. He got dressed at 10:30 pm last night and went to McDonald's to get me a Big Mac. I love him so much! By the way, it tasted as good as I thought it would.
The moral of this story is twofold: 1) PCOS will make you crazy, hormonal, and destroy your self-esteem at times. 2) Make sure you pick a partner that support you during those times. You are going to need it.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Cancer Sucks
In 1999 I had my own cancer scare once. I went in to my OBGYN for my yearly exam. A few days later, I get a call while I'm at work. The doctor says I have pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. She tells me I will have to have a surgical procedure called LEEP to remove the cells before they turn into cervical cancer. All I really heard was "cancer." I had a complete meltdown. At work. In front of my husband and co-workers. For future reference to all medical professionals, its not a good idea to call someone at work and say the word "cancer."
I went into her office for the procedure. She said anesthesia wouldn't be necessary because the procedure wasn't painful. WRONG! It was the most excruciating and traumatizing event of my life. I cried during the entire procedure and for hours afterward. They spray a "numbing agent" on your cervix and then repeatedly stick a needle into your cervix with another "numbing agent." The problem is the spray doesn't work. And having a needle repeatedly inserted into my cervix was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I was sobbing and shaking all over. My husband was with me during the procedure and I think he was as baffled by what was happening as I was. Then they take a loop-shaped knife and shave off the cells (like a cheese slicer). Afterwards, they cauterize the tissue to prevent bleeding. The actual cutting and cauterizing doesn't hurt. It's the needle in the cervix that is the worst. To top it off, my doctor was acting like a real b#$ch. She kept telling me to lay still because I was shaking so badly. I couldn't. I was so traumatized by the excruciating pain at the beginning of the procedure that I couldn't even begin to keep my body from shaking. Then she burned my leg with the cauterization ball 3 times and tried to blame it on my moving. She was totally hateful to me and had absolutely no compassion. Needless to say, I never went back to her again. Fortunately, the pre-cancerous cells have never returned.
If your doctor tells you that you need a LEEP procedure, insist on doing it in a hospital or surgical center with anesthesia.
There really hasn't been any cancer in my family until my Dad was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in 2001. He had to go through plasma pheresis, chemotherapy, growth hormones, pneumonia, stem cell extraction, chemotherapy again, a stem cell transplant, a staph infection, shingles, and depression. The chemotherapy gave him Diabetes. The medications he took for his cancer caused severe nerve damage in his feet, legs, and hands. In most cases, Multiple Myeloma is not cured. Most people die within 4 years of their diagnosis. My Dad is one of the blessed people who is still alive with this cancer. Technically, he still has cancer, but he is in what the doctors call a "partial remission." Meaning, he still has cancer, but it isn't replicating or growing. He still has some health issues as a result of the cancer, but the cancer isn't an issue right now.
Cancer can either bring a family together or tear them apart. In our case, it did both. Initially, it brought us all closer. We were spending every moment together as a family that we could. We were so relieved when it seemed as though the stem cell transplant worked. My Dad's oncologist had put him on anti-depressants immediately following his cancer diagnosis. After a while, the pills weren't working properly anymore. He started having fits of rage over little things. My Mom suggested that maybe he needed a different type of medication. As is common with many people with depression or other mental illnesses, he decided the medication didn't work so there was no point taking it at all.
At that point he started on a downward spiral into depression. He turned into a completely different person. My Dad and I have always been close. He's always been involved in my sister and my lives. Even though my sister and I are married, he will still ask if we need money. He's always been quick to give hugs and tell you he loves you. We would talk almost every day. When the depression was in full force, I would go weeks without hearing from him and he lives four houses down from me. He wouldn't go to his therapist or psychiatrist. It got so bad that my Mom left him and moved in with me. It took almost four years for us to get him to go back to his psychiatrist and start taking medication again. I went with him on his first couple of visits just to make sure he was telling the doctor the truth about what was happening.
Eventually, he got better. My Mom moved back home. He's mostly back to his regular self again. I talk to him almost every day. He and my Mom have been such a blessing since I got my children. There have been many times that my Dad would babysit my sick kids so I could go to work.
I'm so thankful that my Dad is still here with me.
A few years ago I lost my maternal grandfather to colon cancer.
I also lost some former co-workers/friends to breast cancer.
I have a friend who is currently in remission from breast cancer.
Cancer Sucks!
Today is World Cancer Day. My prayers go out to the Survivors, the Fighters, and to the families of those we have lost due to Cancer.
I went into her office for the procedure. She said anesthesia wouldn't be necessary because the procedure wasn't painful. WRONG! It was the most excruciating and traumatizing event of my life. I cried during the entire procedure and for hours afterward. They spray a "numbing agent" on your cervix and then repeatedly stick a needle into your cervix with another "numbing agent." The problem is the spray doesn't work. And having a needle repeatedly inserted into my cervix was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I was sobbing and shaking all over. My husband was with me during the procedure and I think he was as baffled by what was happening as I was. Then they take a loop-shaped knife and shave off the cells (like a cheese slicer). Afterwards, they cauterize the tissue to prevent bleeding. The actual cutting and cauterizing doesn't hurt. It's the needle in the cervix that is the worst. To top it off, my doctor was acting like a real b#$ch. She kept telling me to lay still because I was shaking so badly. I couldn't. I was so traumatized by the excruciating pain at the beginning of the procedure that I couldn't even begin to keep my body from shaking. Then she burned my leg with the cauterization ball 3 times and tried to blame it on my moving. She was totally hateful to me and had absolutely no compassion. Needless to say, I never went back to her again. Fortunately, the pre-cancerous cells have never returned.
If your doctor tells you that you need a LEEP procedure, insist on doing it in a hospital or surgical center with anesthesia.
There really hasn't been any cancer in my family until my Dad was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in 2001. He had to go through plasma pheresis, chemotherapy, growth hormones, pneumonia, stem cell extraction, chemotherapy again, a stem cell transplant, a staph infection, shingles, and depression. The chemotherapy gave him Diabetes. The medications he took for his cancer caused severe nerve damage in his feet, legs, and hands. In most cases, Multiple Myeloma is not cured. Most people die within 4 years of their diagnosis. My Dad is one of the blessed people who is still alive with this cancer. Technically, he still has cancer, but he is in what the doctors call a "partial remission." Meaning, he still has cancer, but it isn't replicating or growing. He still has some health issues as a result of the cancer, but the cancer isn't an issue right now.
Cancer can either bring a family together or tear them apart. In our case, it did both. Initially, it brought us all closer. We were spending every moment together as a family that we could. We were so relieved when it seemed as though the stem cell transplant worked. My Dad's oncologist had put him on anti-depressants immediately following his cancer diagnosis. After a while, the pills weren't working properly anymore. He started having fits of rage over little things. My Mom suggested that maybe he needed a different type of medication. As is common with many people with depression or other mental illnesses, he decided the medication didn't work so there was no point taking it at all.
At that point he started on a downward spiral into depression. He turned into a completely different person. My Dad and I have always been close. He's always been involved in my sister and my lives. Even though my sister and I are married, he will still ask if we need money. He's always been quick to give hugs and tell you he loves you. We would talk almost every day. When the depression was in full force, I would go weeks without hearing from him and he lives four houses down from me. He wouldn't go to his therapist or psychiatrist. It got so bad that my Mom left him and moved in with me. It took almost four years for us to get him to go back to his psychiatrist and start taking medication again. I went with him on his first couple of visits just to make sure he was telling the doctor the truth about what was happening.
Eventually, he got better. My Mom moved back home. He's mostly back to his regular self again. I talk to him almost every day. He and my Mom have been such a blessing since I got my children. There have been many times that my Dad would babysit my sick kids so I could go to work.
I'm so thankful that my Dad is still here with me.
A few years ago I lost my maternal grandfather to colon cancer.
I also lost some former co-workers/friends to breast cancer.
I have a friend who is currently in remission from breast cancer.
Cancer Sucks!
Today is World Cancer Day. My prayers go out to the Survivors, the Fighters, and to the families of those we have lost due to Cancer.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
2001 Was A Banner Year For Me
And by Banner Year, I mean totally awful in so many ways. This is going to probably be a long post, so I hope you have some time.
In January of 2001, my husband had to go to Milwaukee for a training school related to his job. I decided it sounded like a good time for me to have a vacation, so I went with him. I know you are thinking Milwaukee doesn't sound like the ideal vacation spot in January, and you're right! It was snowy and cold. I knew that going in. I was just relishing the idea of sleeping in, reading, and watching some TV. We got there on a Sunday and everything was going fine. I didn't really sleep in much. I would get up and go to breakfast with Cameron before he would have to leave to go to his training. We didn't rent a car because he was transported by bus to and from the hotel. We ate at the hotel restaurant the first night, but the next night we discovered a mall right across the street. Monday and Tuesday night we ate at restaurants in the mall. It was a cold walk, but it was nice to get out a little bit. On Wednesday night, we decided to see a movie at the theater in the mall. We saw "Cast Away" and then we had dinner in the food court afterwards. It was during that dinner that the s#it hit the fan, so to speak. And it just continued on for the majority of the year.
I got a call on my cell phone from my Dad. My Grandmother was in the hospital with pneumonia. She was a smoker and she had emphysema and COPD. She had also had a portion of one of her lungs removed due to damage from smoking. I guess that wasn't enough to convince her to quit. She usually ended up in the hospital once or twice a year with pneumonia. She decided to go out for a smoke (despite her doctor's orders not to smoke), slipped on the ice and busted her head open. She was okay after a couple of stitches. However, the doctors were putting a central line in her chest to help administer medications and they punctured her lung. She died on the table and they spent 25 minutes trying to revive her. When they got her heart started again, the doctors were pretty sure she was brain dead due to lack of oxygen. On Friday, they determined there was no brain activity. My husband and I got back home on Saturday. On Sunday, my family decided to turn off life support. She was breathing on her own, but the doctors didn't think she would last but a day. I spent all day Sunday and Monday at the hospital. On Tuesday, I decided to go back to work. When I got home, I decided to make some dinner. We needed some home-cooked food after eating hospital food for the last couple of days. During dinner I got a call from my sister saying I needed to get to the hospital. She died while I was driving to the hospital. I was completely heartbroken even though I knew it was coming. You think you are prepared for a loved-one's death in a situation like that, but you're not.
I was still not getting pregnant. Plus, my face started breaking out like I was 15-years old. My Mom read an article in a magazine about a disease called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. She gave me the article to read and I realized that I had multiple symptoms mentioned in the article. I went to my OBGYN and asked to be tested for PCOS. She did a couple of blood tests, but they were inconclusive. She thought I probably had the disease, but she referred me to an endocrinologist for further testing. Which begs the question, if she thought I had PCOS, why had she not mentioned it before? Turns out, this is pretty common. No one ever tells you about PCOS. Most of us find out by reading an article or from a friend who has it. Most doctors know little-to-nothing about this syndrome. I think a good percentage of women with PCOS know more about the disease than most doctors.
The endocrinologist diagnosed me with PCOS and pre-diabetes. She gave me the standard line about diet and exercise (which I was already doing and had been for the last 4 years) and prescribed Metformin. This is the standard line of treatment for PCOS. And that's about the ONLY treatment. I didn't know much about the disease at that time except what I read in the magazine article. Based on what I read, Metformin was supposed to help me lose weight and help me get pregnant. Nope. Not true. It might work that way for some women with PCOS, but not me. I didn't give this diagnoses much thought because I had other things going on. My little sister was getting married in July. I had a wedding shower to plan, I had to help shop for dresses, shoes, decorations for the reception, and all the planning that goes along with the wedding.
My sister found a beautiful dress with a 12 foot detachable train. We went to a large bridal shop and found the bridesmaid dresses. The bridesmaids were wearing lavender and our bouquets were going to be yellow roses. They didn't have my size in the color and style my sister chose for me (I was the Matron of Honor and my dress was going to be slightly different than the rest of the bridesmaids), so I tried on the same style in another color. The dress was slightly large on me, so I ordered the right color and the right style in one size smaller. The dress came in about a month before the wedding, but I was so busy with work and wedding planning that I neglected to try it on.
All of the bridesmaids were wearing silver shoes. I didn't own any silver shoes. I went to shoe shop after shoe shop trying to find some silver shoes. You wouldn't believe how difficult it was to find a pair of silver shoes! I finally found a pair with 6" heels. Totally not my style, but beggars can't be choosers.
About 2 weeks before the wedding I finally tried on my dress. It was WAY TOO SMALL! The bridal shop said it would take about six weeks to reorder it. I didn't have that kind of time. I took it to a local seamstress shop and they said there just wasn't enough material there to make it large enough to fit me. They said the dress was about 3 times too small. Because I'm a plus-sized woman, I can't just pick a dress off the rack. Most places don't stock the plus-sized dresses. They might have 1 to try on, but that's about it. I returned the dress to the bridal shop. I had no idea what I was going to do. My sister's wedding was in about a week and a half and I didn't have a dress to wear!
While I was at the bridal shop returning my undersized dress, I saw a couple of yellow dresses on the clearance rack for $25 each. The dresses were too small, but they were close to my size. One of the ladies at the seamstress shop told me her sister-in-law could probably make me a dress in the time we had before the wedding. I bought these two yellow dresses hoping that she could piece them together into one dress. She just had to add a couple of panels from one dress to the other dress. I was so stressed out. Between having a dress sewn and fitted, finding the right shoes, and getting ready for the wedding, I was a hot mess.
I got up early on my sister's wedding day to go decorate the reception hall. Then I went home and did all of the bridesmaids' hair and then I did my hair. I don't remember much about my sister's wedding ceremony itself because my feet were hurting so bad from those ridiculous shoes. After the ceremony, I went to collect my sister's things from the dressing room and I missed her and her husband leaving the church in the limo. I was late to the reception and missed them being announced and their first dance. I was happy for my sister, but it was one of the most stressful days of my life. Looking back at all of the planning that goes into a wedding, I'm really glad that I decided to elope.
Life went on as usual for a couple of months.
My Dad had been having problems with pain in his ribs and back. His doctor gave him antibiotics because they thought he had pleurisy. He went through 3 rounds of antibiotics and the pain in his ribs and back only got worse. One day in October, my Mom and I had gone to lunch together. My Dad had a doctor's appointment later that afternoon. I was on my way back to work and I got a call from my Dad. He was almost in tears because his back was hurting so bad. He wanted to know if I was still with my Mom. I told him she should be on her way home, but if he was in that much pain he should call 911. Being a typical man, he refused to call 911. My Mom took him to his doctor as soon as she got home. When he got to his doctor's office, the doctor gave him morphine and sent him to the ER. A couple of hours later, I got a call from my Mom. She said they had done a CT scan and found that he had tumors on his spine between his ribs. I rushed to the hospital.
My Dad was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. Its a blood-borne cancer like leukemia. The cancer causes tumors and bone lesions throughout the body. It also creates a protein that the kidneys can't filter which leads to kidney failure. When my Dad was admitted to the hospital, his kidneys were functioning at about 30%. The couldn't begin treatment for the cancer until they filtered some of the protein out of his blood. They did plasma pheresis (run his blood through a machine to remove the protein and then return it to his body) on him a couple times a day for about a week. It made him really nauseous so they gave him medication for the nausea, which made him sleepy. He slept most of the week. He ended up getting pneumonia and almost died. He had to be put on a ventilator for a few days. Those few weeks were the most stressful of my life.
The rest of the year was spent worrying about my Dad. He had chemotherapy, which got rid of the tumors. After chemo, he started taking growth hormones to help grow healthy stem cells to be harvested for a stem-cell transplant. Most people with Multiple Myeloma have a life expectancy of about 4 years. I did a lot of research about this type of cancer during that time. It didn't look good.
Yeah, 2001 really sucked.
In January of 2001, my husband had to go to Milwaukee for a training school related to his job. I decided it sounded like a good time for me to have a vacation, so I went with him. I know you are thinking Milwaukee doesn't sound like the ideal vacation spot in January, and you're right! It was snowy and cold. I knew that going in. I was just relishing the idea of sleeping in, reading, and watching some TV. We got there on a Sunday and everything was going fine. I didn't really sleep in much. I would get up and go to breakfast with Cameron before he would have to leave to go to his training. We didn't rent a car because he was transported by bus to and from the hotel. We ate at the hotel restaurant the first night, but the next night we discovered a mall right across the street. Monday and Tuesday night we ate at restaurants in the mall. It was a cold walk, but it was nice to get out a little bit. On Wednesday night, we decided to see a movie at the theater in the mall. We saw "Cast Away" and then we had dinner in the food court afterwards. It was during that dinner that the s#it hit the fan, so to speak. And it just continued on for the majority of the year.
I got a call on my cell phone from my Dad. My Grandmother was in the hospital with pneumonia. She was a smoker and she had emphysema and COPD. She had also had a portion of one of her lungs removed due to damage from smoking. I guess that wasn't enough to convince her to quit. She usually ended up in the hospital once or twice a year with pneumonia. She decided to go out for a smoke (despite her doctor's orders not to smoke), slipped on the ice and busted her head open. She was okay after a couple of stitches. However, the doctors were putting a central line in her chest to help administer medications and they punctured her lung. She died on the table and they spent 25 minutes trying to revive her. When they got her heart started again, the doctors were pretty sure she was brain dead due to lack of oxygen. On Friday, they determined there was no brain activity. My husband and I got back home on Saturday. On Sunday, my family decided to turn off life support. She was breathing on her own, but the doctors didn't think she would last but a day. I spent all day Sunday and Monday at the hospital. On Tuesday, I decided to go back to work. When I got home, I decided to make some dinner. We needed some home-cooked food after eating hospital food for the last couple of days. During dinner I got a call from my sister saying I needed to get to the hospital. She died while I was driving to the hospital. I was completely heartbroken even though I knew it was coming. You think you are prepared for a loved-one's death in a situation like that, but you're not.
I was still not getting pregnant. Plus, my face started breaking out like I was 15-years old. My Mom read an article in a magazine about a disease called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. She gave me the article to read and I realized that I had multiple symptoms mentioned in the article. I went to my OBGYN and asked to be tested for PCOS. She did a couple of blood tests, but they were inconclusive. She thought I probably had the disease, but she referred me to an endocrinologist for further testing. Which begs the question, if she thought I had PCOS, why had she not mentioned it before? Turns out, this is pretty common. No one ever tells you about PCOS. Most of us find out by reading an article or from a friend who has it. Most doctors know little-to-nothing about this syndrome. I think a good percentage of women with PCOS know more about the disease than most doctors.
The endocrinologist diagnosed me with PCOS and pre-diabetes. She gave me the standard line about diet and exercise (which I was already doing and had been for the last 4 years) and prescribed Metformin. This is the standard line of treatment for PCOS. And that's about the ONLY treatment. I didn't know much about the disease at that time except what I read in the magazine article. Based on what I read, Metformin was supposed to help me lose weight and help me get pregnant. Nope. Not true. It might work that way for some women with PCOS, but not me. I didn't give this diagnoses much thought because I had other things going on. My little sister was getting married in July. I had a wedding shower to plan, I had to help shop for dresses, shoes, decorations for the reception, and all the planning that goes along with the wedding.
My sister found a beautiful dress with a 12 foot detachable train. We went to a large bridal shop and found the bridesmaid dresses. The bridesmaids were wearing lavender and our bouquets were going to be yellow roses. They didn't have my size in the color and style my sister chose for me (I was the Matron of Honor and my dress was going to be slightly different than the rest of the bridesmaids), so I tried on the same style in another color. The dress was slightly large on me, so I ordered the right color and the right style in one size smaller. The dress came in about a month before the wedding, but I was so busy with work and wedding planning that I neglected to try it on.
All of the bridesmaids were wearing silver shoes. I didn't own any silver shoes. I went to shoe shop after shoe shop trying to find some silver shoes. You wouldn't believe how difficult it was to find a pair of silver shoes! I finally found a pair with 6" heels. Totally not my style, but beggars can't be choosers.
About 2 weeks before the wedding I finally tried on my dress. It was WAY TOO SMALL! The bridal shop said it would take about six weeks to reorder it. I didn't have that kind of time. I took it to a local seamstress shop and they said there just wasn't enough material there to make it large enough to fit me. They said the dress was about 3 times too small. Because I'm a plus-sized woman, I can't just pick a dress off the rack. Most places don't stock the plus-sized dresses. They might have 1 to try on, but that's about it. I returned the dress to the bridal shop. I had no idea what I was going to do. My sister's wedding was in about a week and a half and I didn't have a dress to wear!
While I was at the bridal shop returning my undersized dress, I saw a couple of yellow dresses on the clearance rack for $25 each. The dresses were too small, but they were close to my size. One of the ladies at the seamstress shop told me her sister-in-law could probably make me a dress in the time we had before the wedding. I bought these two yellow dresses hoping that she could piece them together into one dress. She just had to add a couple of panels from one dress to the other dress. I was so stressed out. Between having a dress sewn and fitted, finding the right shoes, and getting ready for the wedding, I was a hot mess.
I got up early on my sister's wedding day to go decorate the reception hall. Then I went home and did all of the bridesmaids' hair and then I did my hair. I don't remember much about my sister's wedding ceremony itself because my feet were hurting so bad from those ridiculous shoes. After the ceremony, I went to collect my sister's things from the dressing room and I missed her and her husband leaving the church in the limo. I was late to the reception and missed them being announced and their first dance. I was happy for my sister, but it was one of the most stressful days of my life. Looking back at all of the planning that goes into a wedding, I'm really glad that I decided to elope.
Life went on as usual for a couple of months.
My Dad had been having problems with pain in his ribs and back. His doctor gave him antibiotics because they thought he had pleurisy. He went through 3 rounds of antibiotics and the pain in his ribs and back only got worse. One day in October, my Mom and I had gone to lunch together. My Dad had a doctor's appointment later that afternoon. I was on my way back to work and I got a call from my Dad. He was almost in tears because his back was hurting so bad. He wanted to know if I was still with my Mom. I told him she should be on her way home, but if he was in that much pain he should call 911. Being a typical man, he refused to call 911. My Mom took him to his doctor as soon as she got home. When he got to his doctor's office, the doctor gave him morphine and sent him to the ER. A couple of hours later, I got a call from my Mom. She said they had done a CT scan and found that he had tumors on his spine between his ribs. I rushed to the hospital.
My Dad was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. Its a blood-borne cancer like leukemia. The cancer causes tumors and bone lesions throughout the body. It also creates a protein that the kidneys can't filter which leads to kidney failure. When my Dad was admitted to the hospital, his kidneys were functioning at about 30%. The couldn't begin treatment for the cancer until they filtered some of the protein out of his blood. They did plasma pheresis (run his blood through a machine to remove the protein and then return it to his body) on him a couple times a day for about a week. It made him really nauseous so they gave him medication for the nausea, which made him sleepy. He slept most of the week. He ended up getting pneumonia and almost died. He had to be put on a ventilator for a few days. Those few weeks were the most stressful of my life.
The rest of the year was spent worrying about my Dad. He had chemotherapy, which got rid of the tumors. After chemo, he started taking growth hormones to help grow healthy stem cells to be harvested for a stem-cell transplant. Most people with Multiple Myeloma have a life expectancy of about 4 years. I did a lot of research about this type of cancer during that time. It didn't look good.
Yeah, 2001 really sucked.
Monday, February 2, 2015
I Forgot To Tell You The Worst Part
In my last post I was discussing my miscarriage. One would think that is about as bad as it gets, but no, it got worse. Remember how I said my co-worker was also pregnant? Well, I got to watch her have a healthy, full-term pregnancy and give birth to a beautiful baby girl the same week I would have had my baby. Sometimes life slaps you in the face.
Don't get me wrong. I didn't hate her or begrudge her for having a baby when I didn't. A lot of women who struggle with infertility also struggle with jealousy and anger at others who can have what they can't. Honestly, the only thing that upset me was when I would see irresponsible people have unplanned children and then not take care of them.
I was really excited when I found out my sister was pregnant in 2002. My sister had a miscarriage when she was younger. We were excited and weary at the same time. When she went in for her 5 month check-up, her doctor said her cervix was thinning. He said they would check it again the next month. When she went in for her 6 month check-up, her cervix was beginning to dilate. They put her in the hospital immediately, turned her on her head and began giving her antibiotics and magnesium to prevent contractions. She had a bad reaction to the magnesium and couldn't breathe. She still ended up getting an infection and they had to do an emergency c-section at 24 weeks gestation. My niece, Alexis, weighed about a pound when she was born. Her lungs weren't developed enough and she only lived for 3 days. It was a heartbreaking experience for my entire family.
My sister got pregnant again in 2004. Her doctor said she had a weak cervix, so at 12 weeks gestation, she had a cerclage to keep her cervix closed. My nephew, Connor, was delivered in March 2005 via c-section at 39 weeks gestation. He is now a healthy, happy, sports-obsessed, 9-year old.
My sister had another baby in 2008. My niece, Raelee, was also delivered via c-section. I love them both so much. I was never anything but happy for my sister.
My best friend also has 2 daughters. She and her husband initially hadn't planned on having children, but after a scare with a fibroid tumor in her uterus, they changed their minds. Initially, they didn't know if the tumor was cancerous. If it was cancerous, they might have had to do a hysterectomy. Your opinion on motherhood changes when it isn't even an option for you anymore. They were able to remove the tumor with surgery and medication. Now she has 2 beautiful little girls.
My best friend was hesitant to tell me when she was pregnant for the 2nd time because she was worried about how I would feel. I was still struggling to get pregnant. She needn't have worried. I was completely happy and excited for her.
I was just sad for me.
Don't get me wrong. I didn't hate her or begrudge her for having a baby when I didn't. A lot of women who struggle with infertility also struggle with jealousy and anger at others who can have what they can't. Honestly, the only thing that upset me was when I would see irresponsible people have unplanned children and then not take care of them.
I was really excited when I found out my sister was pregnant in 2002. My sister had a miscarriage when she was younger. We were excited and weary at the same time. When she went in for her 5 month check-up, her doctor said her cervix was thinning. He said they would check it again the next month. When she went in for her 6 month check-up, her cervix was beginning to dilate. They put her in the hospital immediately, turned her on her head and began giving her antibiotics and magnesium to prevent contractions. She had a bad reaction to the magnesium and couldn't breathe. She still ended up getting an infection and they had to do an emergency c-section at 24 weeks gestation. My niece, Alexis, weighed about a pound when she was born. Her lungs weren't developed enough and she only lived for 3 days. It was a heartbreaking experience for my entire family.
My sister got pregnant again in 2004. Her doctor said she had a weak cervix, so at 12 weeks gestation, she had a cerclage to keep her cervix closed. My nephew, Connor, was delivered in March 2005 via c-section at 39 weeks gestation. He is now a healthy, happy, sports-obsessed, 9-year old.
My sister had another baby in 2008. My niece, Raelee, was also delivered via c-section. I love them both so much. I was never anything but happy for my sister.
My best friend also has 2 daughters. She and her husband initially hadn't planned on having children, but after a scare with a fibroid tumor in her uterus, they changed their minds. Initially, they didn't know if the tumor was cancerous. If it was cancerous, they might have had to do a hysterectomy. Your opinion on motherhood changes when it isn't even an option for you anymore. They were able to remove the tumor with surgery and medication. Now she has 2 beautiful little girls.
My best friend was hesitant to tell me when she was pregnant for the 2nd time because she was worried about how I would feel. I was still struggling to get pregnant. She needn't have worried. I was completely happy and excited for her.
I was just sad for me.
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